Lost and Found
by imsosirius
Summary: Maisy has a secret, a secret that kills her everytime she opens her eyes and the silence eats away at her. Sirius has a secret, he's in love with Maisy. Can he help her through this darkness?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_Rejoice, and men will seek you;  
Grieve, and they turn and go.  
They want full measure of all your pleasure,  
But they do not need your woe. _– Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"We _are_ going to be late," Lily said, exasperatedly watching the traffic lights doze on the red light.

"Calm down. It's 10:30. You can see the station from here, Lily. It will be fine!" Maisy said, straightening up in the back seat and grabbing her bag from her feet. "Is this what happens every time you get to see James?" she mocked.

"Potter? Don't be silly. He's like, ew. So arrogant and pompous. And that stupid snitch of his, always buzzing around..."

"Mhmm... Sure thing. Don't you think he's even a little gorgeous? He worships the ground you walk on. He would kiss your feet if you asked him to. Is that not attractive to you?"

"You must be joking! He's just so pent up with himself. He talks about HIMSELF. All the time! How arrogant can you get."

"I think it's to impress you, Lils." Maisy winked.

"Fat lot of good that's doing."

"So is ANY good actually being done?"

"NO!"

"Aw, c'mon Lils! Imagine your beautiful children..." she teased, poking Lily in the ribs playfully.

"Honestly Maisy, the less time spent with Potter, the better. Even you're getting ideas. Has he brainwashed you?"

"Na, I just think you guys would be sweet together."

"Sweet? Huh. It would be sweet-_er _if we spent less time together. Maybe the Head duties will throw him off this year. I wonder how often I can patrol without him suspecting that I'm actually dodging him.."

"Ha! You know he'll follow you around in that cloak."

"I KNOW! It's so creepy. He could totally be watching us in the shower or whatever. It's kind of disgusting."

"Then again, maybe the cloak's a good idea. He might wanna hide after you find out that..."

"Find out what exactly?"

"Well, I heard fro..." The car jolted forwards towards the train station and Maisy stopped. It was unlikely Lily would hear her over the noise of the engine now anyway. She put her hands in her lap and stared at them for a long while, remembering the letter from Remus. Remembering how excited he had said James was for becoming Head Boy. And how even more excited he was when he found out that Lily would be his partner in Head duties for the next year. She smiled to herself. One day she'll realise the attraction.

Inside the station there were crowds of people. Everyone's families had come to say goodbye, hand over last minute parcels and scrub dirt off of rushing son's noses. There was an atmosphere of happiness. Everyone was going back. Home. Friends would be reunited and pranks would be had. The whole school was technically buzzing. Pranks. Which meant only one thing...

The Marauders were sat in a compartment, lounging lazily on the plush seats and talking about their summers. A golden snitch was flitting around the compartment, until James caught it and sat upright, staring at the handle on the door.

"Lily! It's you, it's actually you!" James squealed, jumping up from his seat and hugging her. Remus looked up from his book and laughed. Sirius stood to move from his seat and over to James, pulling him off of Lily and into the corner.

"Ten fifty seven and James has already given himself a hernia." Sirius laughed, looking up at Lily. "You can sit there, it's fine. Ill restrain husband-to-be over here." He added with a wink. Maisy walked in and smiled at the group, sitting down next to Lily. Sirius beamed back.

"Please welcome, the new Head Girl and her partner in crime!" Remus pointed his hands in the direction of Lily... And James.

"WHAT?!" Lily shouted. I gripped her hand tightly. Do not go OTT I kept repeating in my head, sending signals to her with my eyes.

"It'll be great, Lily. You wait. We'll be the unstoppable duo." James smiled.

"Yeah, I guess." Lily said, calming down very smoothly and squeezing Maisy's hand back as a thankyou.

"So, any gossip?" Sirius called to the group, fishing for something to joke about. Lily looked ready to pop with excitement with her news. Of course she had kept it for this very moment.

"Just letting you guys know, Lea is officially off the market!" Lily nearly burst out.

"Oh gosh, which poor sod is it this time?" said James.

"Urm.. Some Jason bloke in Ravenclaw. He's in your Muggle Studies class, right Maisy?" said Lily, smiling down at Maisy.

Maisy nodded, without breaking her smile. But inside, her heart pumped madly, her ears were ringing and Sirius was looking clumsy and, well, wet. She didn't realise she was crying until the first tear splashed onto her denim skirt, causing the moisture to spread quickly through the material and deepen the blue. She put her hands to her eyes and breathed in quickly, brushing away the tears and looking up, smiling.

No one had noticed. That was the perfect thing about being the underdog. The best friend. The side kick. No one noticed. Maisy went back to sitting in the compartment with her friends, watching Lily push James off of her at least a dozen times and talking to Peter about his summer. Normality was back, Hogwarts was back. Alone, was back.

*

Sirius looked over at Maisy. She glanced back and smiled. She didn't know. Sirius had seen the tears. The small shaking had been the trigger. Then the unbroken smile. Then the head in her hands. Sirius noticed. Sirius always noticed. She was so beautiful, so captivating. It was impossible not to notice.

Maisy pushed a strand of hair behind her ears and lightly touched her jaw. She did this when she was nervous or uncomfortable. James was talking about his dream about Lily, which probably involved a blow by blow account of the sex. Generally, anyone should feel uncomfortable, but Maisy wasn't like the others. She laughed when Lily hexed him, and she scowled when Lily threw insults at him. Her big green eyes smiled with her, but they seemed empty somehow. She would look distant in between conversations. Staring into space. And then the tears. And every time Sirius saw the tears track down her cheeks, another inch of his mind was filled with Maisy. And his heart grew, larger and larger until it felt like it would burst out from his body and scream "I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU." Shocking. But, that's what love does to a guy.

Sirius leaned forward towards Maisy. She was directly opposite him, her legs almost grazing his knees. She wasn't wearing tights and her skirt was short. Today she was wearing an oversized sweater in purple. A few beads and she was done. Simplicity perfected in the most fragile form of a human.

"Hey" he almost whispered.

"Hey" she said back, even quieter than before. Everyone else was bantering, no one would even notice them talking to be honest.

"How are you? Good summer?" he smiled at her.

"Well... urm..."

*

That smile was just dazzling. Even after a year of getting over it, it still managed to dazzle her. But it was all over. No more obsessing over Sirius Black. He hadn't been on her mind for a while, not since Jason had come along. Maisy thought her and Jason had something. They sat together in Muggle Studies, they studied in the library together – heck, he even invited her to his New Year's party last year. With like, the rest of the year but that wasn't the point. The point was Lea was her friend and she, she... Stole her man! Not that anyone knew he counted as hers. No. No one. So this was really all her own fault. Again.

"Well my mum's really ill so I didn't do much. But I'm good!" she nearly shouted, when she saw the look on Sirius' face. She willed him not to ask her about it. It was painful enough to see it. Then leave her mother at home. Talking about it just stuck knives in her side.

"Okay. I'm sure she'll be fine." He sent her another dazzling smile. He usually kept those for the girls he was crushing on. Weird. She must looking terrible today. Do I scream 'PITY ME', Maisy thought. Well, it's a possibility.

"So..." Maisy said, looking around the compartment, about to sink back into her seat.

"Yeah I was thinking, you were moaning last term about Transfiguration..." he winked.

"I was not moaning. I'm just, a bit tired with pretending to understand what I'm doing, that's all."

She laughed. Real laughter. Well, that was shocking. She sat up straighter.

"Well, you know I'm just – wow at it. So I thought I'd give you a hand." He smiled. "If you want" he added hastily when she stared at him, dumbstruck.

"Sirius Black, school's most popular boy, is going to give me tutoring?" she laughed. This must be a joke.

"Why's that so surprising?" he looked confused.

"This is me, Sirius! Why would you wanna tutor me?!"

*

Good question, Sirius thought. Because I love you? Na, too cliché. Because, I find you incredibly attractive? No... Awkward! Because I want to wrap you up in cotton wool and keep you safe for forever and a day? Okay, this sucks.

"Because we're friends, Maisy." He smiled. Well done Sirius, you prat. Smooth. Real smooth. Now she's gunna be interested. NOT.

"You look like you're fighting a war over there. How's your conscience doing?" Maisy laughed. Again. Her face seemed to lift and brighten whenever she laughed. It filled the room with all things wonderful...

"Huh? What?" Sirius snapped out of his reverence and concentrated on Maisy again. Not that he hadn't been concentrating _about_ her. But not on her. Not actually physically in this room. Maybe it was showing.

"I was saying, it looks like you're losing the battle with your head. You look totally phased out!" another eruption of laughter. Maybe acting like this would be better, if she smiled for the rest of.. urm, I don't know – eternity?

"Oh, yeah. Was just thinking about you actually!" he grinned. And your mum and how sad you look and how I wish I could make it all better for you.

"And my pathetic wand work? Lesson plans for me? Good idea Sirius." She said, glancing down at her hands again. Not quite what he was thinking but, whatever works for her.

"Yeah, good idea Sirius" he said under his breath. Really, utterly splendid. You're acting like she's not there! She thinks you're just being nice because she's .. I don't know.

*

It must be because of Lily. That's why he's being nice. Nice one Maisy, getting your hopes up for an actual friend who didn't have a vagina. Smooth.

"I guess I'll go and get changed." She said, fleeing from the compartment swiftly, not caring to listen for a reply. She collided with a tall, solid figure rather abruptly.

"Oh, sorry, excuse me" she said without looking up.

"Hey, Maisy. Wait up!" a gruff voice called from behind her. Jason. Jason was calling her! Oh my gosh, it must all be over, he's realised we should be together, we'll be growing old and.. Maisy turned around and saw Jason, his arm around Lea's waist and a tie in his hand.

"You dropped this." He said, simply, dragging Lea around and back down the carriage.

Life is cruel.

*

Sirius watched her leave and looked out of the window, dejectedly. Great. Now he would have to talk about burping and beef ribs with James until they got to the castle. Woop de frigging doo.

"What did you say to her!" Lily accused him, slapping his arm.

"What? Nothing" Why would he want to hurt Maisy?

"Well that didn't SEEM like nothing. She's got a lot going on right now. She doesn't need you taking the piss or anything." Lily's hair seemed to grow scarily fiery.

"I wouldn't do that. I offered her some tutoring actually."

James choked on his Chocolate Frog.

"I'm sorry but WHAT? TUTORING? Padfoot you must be joking..." James laughed.

"No. I knew she was struggling so I thought I'd give her a hand." Sirius shrugged his shoulders. Oh, and I love her. Na, too much.

"Oh, well.. That's urm. Nice of you, Sirius. Thanks." Lily said, sitting back down but looking slightly puzzled.

"Padfoot, you little Professor, you!" James said, flapping his hand in a rather camp fashion.

Lily laughed from across the compartment and James looked up at Sirius, raising his eyebrows slightly and smiling like a Cheshire cat. Jamesie, in love. Well, all we need now is a woman for Remus!

"Oi, Remus!"

"Yes, Sirius?" Remus sighed, looking up from his dusty book.

"How's the lady hunt going?" Sirius winked.

"Yeaaaaaah Moony! How's that going for you?" James teased.

"Very well actually." Remus went back to his book.

"And how IS Ava?" Lily said, not looking up from her own book and smiling to herself.

"What? How did you.. I.. HOW DO YOU PEOPLE KNOW THIS?!" Remus nearly exploded.

"Ava came to mine in the summer. After she'd been at yours. Oh, woops.. too much?" Lily twinkled, a wry smile spread across her lips.

James jumped up and sat on Remus' lap, ruffling his hair.

"Oh Remus you old CAD! Fancy not telling us!" James said.

"Not that it wasn't obvious but, you know. We did play along for a bit but, just get in there Remus!" Sirius smiled.

"She really likes you, you know?" Lily said from the corner.

"Really?" Sirius noticed Remus sit up slightly straighter.

"Yep, totally. I think, gorgeous and interesting and funny also popped up. Inbetween the serious retelling of some major making out.." Lily laughed.

Remus looked at her dumb-founded. Even James was silent. Peter snored loudly, nobody had realised he was actually there.

"I'm joking! God, aren't I allowed to joke?" Lily laughed.

"Well, urm.. It wasn't that funny, love. That's a serious crime right there, talking about sexual things

when I'm so obviously ready to jump you!"

"I'm Siriu..." Sirius started but stopped when Lily glared at James vindictively and stormed from the compartment.

"I think you blew it." Remus laughed.

James sat down, staring at the door.

"Maybe sex wasn't the best approach at such an early stage..." Sirius laughed.

"Sex is always the best approach my dear Padfoot!" James joked.

Or maybe, just being a friend to a girl in need, is the best approach.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_Too late, I'm sure  
and lonely  
another night, another dream wasted on you _- '3 Cheers for 5 Years' by Mayday Parade

_Maisy's POV_

I don't do introductions. People always smile politely and then move on to the person sitting next to me – or anything else in the room that radiates more sociability than I do. Even the pot plants gain more attention than me sometimes. It's not that I'm shy it's just that I'm uncomfortable. I'm fine around Lily. She's my best friend for Merlin's sake. I'd do anything for her. I can chat and be a completely different person – colloquial, funny, sarcastic. But other people? Boys? Teachers? Nothing. It's like my whole body freezes for periods of time without reminding my brain that I am technically meant to be talking and I'm technically meant to be showing some emotion on my face (not just standing there looking like a newly botoxed WAG).

But hey, I'm Maisy. And I'm sat in the most fused and energetic school hall in the whole world, and I'm not talking. My stomach has done more talking than my lips have moved. Honestly, I had to blame the grumbling on Mrs. Norris. A joke, on my part, which I found funny. Sirius laughed with me, so it couldn't have been too bad.

"Turn around" a deep voice said next to me.

"What? Sirius? What are you doing?" I gasped, quietly.

"Start of year prank, my dear Maisy. Don't tell me you'd forgotten," he laughed, his eyes twinkling at me.

Of course I'd forgotten. I put painful things to the back of my mind when I can help it. "No of course I didn't forget. Who are the victims this year..." But did I really need to ask?

Behind me, positioned too perfectly to be real, the Slytherin seventh years had just finished dessert. Lucius Malfoy, flanked by his pals, Niall and Regulus, sat with his long-term girlfriend Narcissa. Across from her, bitching so fast it could have been white noise, were her body guards, Kim and Jenna. Regulus caught my eye and glanced at Sirius beside me, snarling. The two brothers hadn't gotten on since Sirius had been kicked out at the start of summer – something I'd heard from Lily and, genuinely, felt quite sad about. But just looking at them made me shiver. Intimidation was a fear factor of mine. Behind them, sitting perfectly behind Lucius, was Jason. His blonde hair seemed almost angelic. The moonlight lingered around him like a halo. His features were just so... Sirius tapped my shoulder, indicating my attention, I presumed. "You okay?" he asked, looking sincerely worried. Pah. Sirius. Looking sincere. Bullshit.

"Yeah I'm fine. But, uh... What are you planning on doing to them?" I asked, crossing my fingers under the table, hoping for nothing too bad for a confrontation. Not tonight. And he'd just stopped my mid-dinner ogling of Jason. Dick. Now I was possibly a 3 on the happy scale. Down from a lovely

7. Nicely done Sirius. Nice.

"Just something to brighten up those death white faces of theirs. Honestly, just the spruce that they need. They may even thank us" he said, sitting back down.

"Mhmm, and Dumbledore's about to make the start of term speech all about his greasy Y-fronts." I mumbled. Oh god. Thing is, he might. Damn the old codger for having such a freaky array of thoughts. And bad choice in underwear.

"You know, any louder and that may have even made James chuckle" Sirius winked at me. Sodding charmer. No I will not drop my pants for you. I know you've had no action for a few months but don't just go to easy targets. That's just harsh. What would you do, turn the lights off so you wouldn't actually have to realise it was me? Pretend I was Lily. God that sounds so much like him. Maybe I should write a book about all this... Shit. I need to reply.

"Yes, well, can't go changing now, can I. Reputation to uphold and everything" I yawned dramatically. Yeah, fuck off basically. I mean, can't boys like people for their personalities? I know I'm nothing to look at but... I don't have much of a personality either. Oh. Well, great. I'm gunna be a 40 year old virgin with 12 cats and a fetish for cottage cheese. Nice.

"Okay okay, Maisy. Don't get snappy my love. Now just you please watch the table during the speech. Casually turn your head, scratch your neck, whatever. Just, look. It'll be worth it. Promise." Sirius pleaded with me, he squeezed my hand from beside my dessert fork. Huh. He smiled swiftly then turned around abruptly as a tinkling from the Headmaster's stricken goblet was heard. The whole school muted to a silence that even I was aware of. There was no noise but the, usually, inaudible heavy breathing of Jeremy – the lardy Hufflepuff with bad asthma. Okay, this silence. It disturbed me. Kind of creepy. Someone needed to talk soon. Silence closing in... Like now? Before I go into anaphylactic shock...

"Welcome, students, to another year. How cool am I for, well, letting you eat before this lengthy speech" Dumbledore said, standing up and placing on hand on his hip and bending his opposite leg. "I happened to meet an unusual person over the holidays, a drag act. He, or rather, she, taught me the meaning of 'all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.' So, this year, there will be work. There will be play. And, it will not be dull."

James applauded loudly, looking at up at the rest of the group nodding his head, mockingly. Sirius' head was face down on the table, I place my hand on his back and he flinched – I was just interested to see if he was laughing. Jeez. Don't have a cow, man. Remus looked at me quizzically and I shrugged. Remus, you legend. He pointed at the Slytherin table behind me as Dumbledore carried on...

"So, before I dish out this years rules, I would like to inform the Slytherin seventh years about a recent occurrence that they may be rather interested in."

Sirius burst into laughter and rubbed my arm. I cocked my head indignantly and pretended to scratch my ear. And there, in all their glory, were the 6 Slytherins. With bright green faces. I couldn't help but stifle a laugh and grip the oak table for support, now looking back up at the Professor and cringing. Please, oh please don't tell them...

"Mr Malfoy, could you please stand up?" Dumbledore gesticulated.

Lucius stood up cockily and turned to face the wisened man. "Yes, Sir?"

"I would like to inform you that your face is inexplicably green. Along with your girlfriend's, her friends' and your friends."

Lucius doubled back in horror and ogled his groups' faces scathingly, cringing and crying out in rage. I could feel his glare seething into the Gryffindor table's backs. Sirius, James, Remus and Peter were all face down on the table, rocking slightly in laughter. Lily's mouth was upturned in the corner, trying to hold back a grin and Ava was sat next to Remus sheepily, staring at the 6 in horror. Shock? Horror? Either or, she looked petrified. For our safety I presume.

"Like I said, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Now could we please applaud our mischievous Marauders for one of their classiest acts of their 7 years at Hogwarts."

The whole hall enthusiastically applauded, many wooped and a large group of 3rd year Ravenclaws even banged the tables with their fists. Cool kids... The Gryffindor table was the loudest though, not that I could say much for myself. Was I even smiling? Shit. Oh well, no one's looking. Professor McGonagall scowled at the Headmaster, but lightly tapped the back of her hands politely, indicating to the boys that she would deal with them later. God her stare was the scariest thing in existence. James went to stand and started, "Thankyou Headmas..." but Dumbledore waved him back down, and the 4 collapsed into fits of laughter again. Lucius hissed from his table,

"We'll get you back for this, you bunch of pricks."

"Ooh-ooh! Well, we did you a favour oh greenest one!" James laughed.

"Yeah, now at least your skin matches the colour of your underwear." Sirius retorted.

"And your egos." Said Remus as a slight afterthought.

Fuming, Lucius turned to reply but Dumbledore's stern cough stopped him and he slithered, snake-like, back into his seat and back into his girlfriend, apparently.

"Now, the rules. Yes, the work bit, la la la. Back to business. The Forbidden Forest, just don't go there." He looked over at the Marauders. "Please? Filch is rather peeved at you all for running in at all hours and I get the complaints. Think of me next time." Remus nearly exploded in laughter and ducked under the table.

"Curfew is at 9, no exceptions except for Prefects on patrol. Which reminds me. Our new Head Girl and Head Boy." The whole Hall paused dramatically. Everyone was definitely placing bets with their friends right now. Who would it be?

"I'd like to congratulate, Miss Lily Evans, in her new position of Head Girl." Dumbledore smiled, indicating Lily to stand up. Lily stood, beaming but grabbing my hand tightly out of view. She was smart and sociable which made her a love-hate kind of person. She hated to think there was anyone out there who disliked her, because actually; she was really nice. She sat down looking nauseated, and returned a small smile to James who had been clapping profusely and had even whistled. The kind of whistle which I would never be able to even attempt and made my ears hurt even hearing it. James now looked back to our Headmaster, straightening his tie, patting down his hair (I heard Lily sigh from next to me) and cleared his throat theatrically.

"And congratulate, Mr James Potter, her partner and our new Head Boy." The hall erupted in shouts and whistles. Girls were swooning from left right and centre. James stood up and waved politely to the school. Yes it may have been arrogant but he's James freaking Potter for Merlin sake, he gets away with it. I imagined myself standing up. There would be no applause except for one dubious teacher who wasn't really concentrating and was clapping sarcastically. A cough would ensue from my far right and cricket song would blend into the background. I would then sit down, berry-faced and cringe into my tiramisu for the rest of eternity. After that I wou...

"Maisy? You coming or what?" Sirius shook me lightly, looking slightly freaked out by my phased facade.

"Huh? What?" I replied numbly, gazing around me. Most students had left or were trying to leave. Lily and James had walked up to the teacher's table, Lily smacked James' hand away from her bum

as he walked. When would he ever learn?

"Oh, sorry. Daydreaming." I smiled, pointing at my head, blaming it really.

"It's good for the soul, Heart!" he beamed. Ugh. Heart. What a cliché surname huh? Another thing that depresses me. My name. It's just.. well. You try living with a name like Maisy Jane Heart.

"You know I hate being called that, Black!" I spat, though not nastily. I wasn't capable of nasty. Only my imagination was capable of anything other than 'neutral.'

"It's pretty!" he cried, a pained expression filtered his face. His mouth was an irregular 'o' shape. I chuckled.

"It's really too cliché for someone like me."

"Oh, you keep saying! When will you understand that you're much more of a person than you think you are?" Urm.. cos I'm not? Simples.

"Thanks but no thanks. Why so high on the compliments today?" Oh best friend – my ego must be fit to bursting... Not. You dick.

"Muh, you look sad tis all. I don't like seeing you sad." He grimaced, and looked away.

Sad huh? Well, perfect. Here's me wanting to come across as the jubilant Happiness Fairy with sunshine wings and butter-wouldn't-melt dimples with a tiara! Feck sake.

"I'm fine. Just feeling slightly, urm, freaked out about mum ya know. And I don't do crowds. I really do suck at being a friend huh?" God I should think before I speak. Idiot idiot idiot.

"Actually, I think you're a great friend. Really great. You're so different to everyone else, Maisy, it's infectious!" I stopped dead in my tracks and stared up at him (he's really tall, I have to crane my neck quite a bit).

"Sirius, you're weirding me out" Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck help, BRAIN?! WHAT DO I SAY?! " Urr... and somehow we've ended up on the 4th floor!... we need 3 more floors." I smiled crookedly, amazed at the fakeness and the whole 'jesus-H-christ-you-did-not-just-compliment-me-and-I-did-not-just-totally-freak-out' smile that seemed to come across as a reassuring smile to him. He looked pleased. But anyway, I was amazed at how time had just, passed and how my feet had dragged me unconsciously through the throng of students.

"There's a method to my madness" he said, tapping his nose lightly.

"Oh god, where are we going?" I squeaked. Inaudibly, for he did not answer. Ah, alas, his lips have parted and are about to speak.

"Secret passage way. Straight into Gryffindor common room." He winked. Woah, maybe Sirius would come in handy for times when confrontations with smiley people really were not on my agenda.

He grabbed my wrist as I had apparently just stopped in mid-walk. "Come _on!_" he said, dragging me behind a perfectly sculpted 'Godric Gryffindor' fighting what looked to be a Grindylow. God he was cool. Sirius muttered an incantation and the statue jumped aside forming a large hole in the wall behind it and Godric calmly waving us forward and wishing us a 'pleasant evening.'

"Will do, Gryffy!" Sirius called back. I was about to speak when the statue closed off the passage way and it was dark. Black. Like an eternal abyss. I stood still and the breathing came. The tears were in my eyes. I can feel them. I'm about to lose it completely.

"Lumos!" came Sirius' saviour voice from the black hole. And there he was, grinning at me. Then his face fell and he placed his wand behind his ear, aiming the light at us and crouched low, holding me by my shoulders.

"Jesus, Maisy, are you okay?" he whispered. I cried. I let go. And he tensed, then fell incredibly soft and ushered me into a hug. I cried. I remembered the pain. Remembered the black. The black room. The banging. The shouting. The curse that deflected. The curse that hit my mother. The curse she was dying from. Everyday she was dying. The darkness was her omen. The darkness was predictable. Death was predictable now. I shook in pain. I shook for what I was about to lose. And I shook in embarrassment. But the pain overwhelmed everything. I wished for Sirius, I prayed for Sirius – for he was this mighty saviour. A friend. Yes, I can do friends.

*

It felt like hours had passed as I rose from my bottomless pit of worry and sorrow and looked back up at Sirius who was watching me intently. I'm sure my eyes are bright red and my makeup has run, leaving black tracks chugging over my cheeks. Sirius smiled and brushed away the hot tears I could feel escaping, weeping, leaking.

"Bet you needed that, huh?" Sirius smiled. I nodded. He had no idea.

"I probably have no idea what you're going through" OH MY GOD HE COULD READ MINDS? "But if I could read your mind, I'd make this all better for you." Dear god, here's me thinking he was a skilled Legimens.

"I think I'll take up your offer of that friend slash tutor slash saviour thing now" I hiccoughed quietly, forcing my mouth to smile, though my pained expression turned it into a lopsided kind of grin. I hoped. That's what I was aiming for.

"That's the spirit, Heart. You've got it. I'll take you to the stairs so you can sneak into the dormitory. I think that sounds about fair." He smiled, still holding my shoulders gently and staring at me, waiting for me to crack again. Then, I saw it.

"Oh my god Sirius I'm so so so sorry!"

"What? What's happened? Maisy, what the frickin' hell?" he nearly laughed.

"Mascara. Ruined. All over your new white shirt!" I burst into more tears. I'm such a prick. Ugh. Fucking up his shirt, his evening. Anything else you wanna fuck up, Maisy? Go on, you're on a roll tonight.

"Maisy, you are so cute ha!" he hugged me closer while I shook with tears. "You really think I care about a shirt when it's probably the chewing gum on your shoe up to what you're going through?"

Urm, obviously not, I guess. Dang this emotional stress.

"Sorry, I'm such a.. a.." I don't swear out loud. I don't swear out loud.

"Clown? Bafoon? Nincompoop?" He mocked, tilting his head to the side and studying my face, which had just smiled out of respite of his terribly formed idea of a joke.

"Yeah. All of that. Times about a million!" I smiled. Can we go now? I'm definitely filling up your time when you could be off pranking with James or, I dunno.. Reading?! If you can even do that but hey...

"I'll get you back now, come on!" he enthused, pushing my forwards and wrapping his arm about my shoulder protectively. He smiled down at me and pushed me through a small stone opening, pointing to the stairs as he jokingly looked around at the busy Common Room and Mission:Impossible-d it out of the tunnel. He then mouthed 'go go go' at me, and I couldn't help but laugh. He waved goodbye and I turned to run up the stairs, open the oak door, and collapse onto my four poster bed. Maybe I could rename him Jesus. Saviour and light in darkness, I thought dazedly. Too much? Oh yes, Maisy. You may need some sort of medication. This doesn't cure over night. You've officially gone doo-lally.

*

It took me about, hmm, 76 seconds to realise that the rest of the girls were in the dormitory, and were talking very quickly, or more like gossiping, from under their duvets. I jumped up and pulled a pair of pyjama shorts and my favourite 'Weird Sisters' tshirt out of my trunk. My bed had been warmed by the house-elves and I jumped in once dressed, delving under the covers and luxuriating in the feather pillows.

"...He's just amazing. So sweet and smart. Did I mention smart? Well you know..." Ava bubbled excitedly.

"Yes, you did. About, hmm.. a hundred times already?" Lea laughed.

"Someone is in luuuurve!" Lily giggled. I smiled to myself. I was happy for Ava. Her and Remus totally worked.

"Hey, shutup Lily Evans!" Ava screeched.

"What now?" Lily said.

"You can't say much!" Ava laughed. Lea gasped and began to giggle. I joined in, it was very true,

Lily's new realisation in the next 10 seconds would be abysmal but, still, very true.

"What are you on about? How much Firewhiskey did you have in your juice?" Lily joked. Uh-oh, she wasn't getting it...

"About James!" Lea hurriedly exclaimed. Ava was silent and Lea had almost stopped breathing. The

atmosphere seemed to soften.

"Yeah, what about him?" Lily asked, rather nonchalantly. Way to go, Lily!

"You couldn't keep your eyes off him!" Ava mused.

"Oh, shut-_up!_" Lily gasped, throwing a pillow at her.

"Mhmm, don't deny it Lily Evans. You've finally cracked." Lea said.

"I'm not having this discussion." Said Lily, drawing the curtains on her four poster bed.

"AWH, Lils, don't be like that," I said, upset that she was upset.

"Oh my god, when did you get back?" Lea exclaimed.

"Muh, about 10 minutes ago." I said, of course she hadn't noticed. Bitch was probably thinking about my man.

"I'm so sorry! Jesus, we were all gossiping like old women!" she added. Ava piped up,

"We're shit friends."

"No no no, not at all, my fault for getting back late. I was just discussing some homework with Sirius. I hadn't revised for it." I smiled to myself, I can lie I can lie!

"Good stuff, don't wanna fall behind on the first day back. That would suck." Ava said.

"Mhmm, total bummer." Lea agreed. Lea and Ava were best friends. They always knew what the other was thinking, it was like seeing an unidentical pair of twins at work. Lea was tall and willowy with long blonde hair and Ava was dainty and pixie-like with short, cropped brown hair. But somehow, they ended up being two symmetrical peas in the same pod. Funny how fate works that way.

"Can we sleep now?" said Lily from behind the curtain after a long period of silence. It was muffled and we all laughed at how silly she sounded. Really, I was tired but having to sleep and having to dream were the 2 most un-important things to do right now.

"Lily Evans, are you excited?" I said. I knew this girl too well. She wanted tomorrow. She wanted her Head Girl duties put into action.

"Maybe" she giggled.

"Awh, Lily it's awesome you're Head Girl" Ava said.

"Yeah, we knew you'd get it to be fair!" Lea added.

"Mhmm, so you'd better stop bringing up James freakin' Potter or there'll be detentions for the lot of you!" Lily laughed.

"Ouch. Would you like some ice with that burn," laughed Ava, sarcastically.

"Cmon now seriously. Sleep! Bed! Morning!" Lily said. I could almost hear the glee in her voice. It was nice, seeing them all so happy.

"Okay, chill. Jason isn't pushy like you guys, god!" Lea added, turning over in bed and snuggling into her mattress.

"Oh well so-rry!" Ava laughed. "Gawsh, you get a boyfriend and the whole world changes eh?" Ava considered this thought and smiled to herself. I laughed.

"Maisy? You okay?" came a whisper to my left. Lea looked up at me.

"Yeah I'm good, I'll turn my lamp off now, sorry guys!" I sighed, breathed in and out, then flipped the switch. The room was paved in shadow. But miraculously, the moonlight filtered in through the paned glass and set the whole room a-glow. Perfect.

"I mean, are you okay? Seriously? With your mum and everything?" Lea added. Ava fidgeted to her far left.

"I don't really wanna talk about it tonight." I whispered, my voice no more than a mouse's now.

"It's okay Maisy, we're all here for you." Lea said.

"You can tell us anything." Added Ava.

"MAISY I FREAKING LOVE YOU BUT STOP THEM FROM CHATTING!" Lily called loudly.

"Look, you've pissed Lily off now" I said, laughing, dripping in mockery. I sigh came from Lily's bed.

"Maybe we should sleep. I'll tell you guys soon enough. Just, not tonight." Not something I really

wanna think about before bed.

"No worries. Night all!" Lea whispered very very loudly. I giggled quietly.

"Night Gryffalinas!" called Ava.

"Gryffalinas?" came Lily's reply.

"Well... Yeah, feminine Gryffindors. It's just a joke. Honestly.." Ava said, burrowing back down into

her bed. Everyone was quiet.

"Night Maisy, sleep tight." Lily whispered kindly, it lifted my spirits.

"Night best friend." I whispered back. She giggled and turned over. The whole room was as still and as silent as the tunnel. But no thinking about that. Hmm... Square route of pi... Don't think about that either Maisy. Ugh. Think think think! Suddenly, a quiet tapping came from the window. I looked up, startled, and saw a smoky grey owl, tapping the window impatiently with its beak, a letter tied to its leg. I hopped up. Probably a love note from Jason to Lea. I grimaced at the thought. I opened the window and felt the warm night air engulf me. The owl pecked my finger lightly in response as I pulled the letter from its leg. It then flew off into the night sky. I watched it become a mere dot on the horizon before I closed the window very carefully and tiptoed back to my bed. Shocked number one, it was addressed to me. Shocker number two, it wasn't from my dad (it wasn't his handwriting). Shocker number three, wasn't that _Sirius' _owl?!

I hastily tore open the envelope. I really do love letters. I don't get them often but, whatever. They're nice. The letter inside read...

_Maisy,_

_Chin up, my love. Stop worrying, and go to sleep. I can feel the tension from MY dormitory. We'll start the tutoring from tomorrow – you're a special case. See you at breakfast?_

_Sirius_

He question marked the breakfast? What the hell, everyone goes down to breakfast. He's going senile in his old age. I smiled and paused, placing the letter in the drawer of my nightstand and cowered under the duvet. Nothing could hurt me. Nothing could worry me. I was protected. I was more than safe. And, thinking about all things wonderful and less powerful than I (which, in my defence, wasn't that many), I fell soundly asleep for the first night in weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_The door's been open  
But where have you been?  
I've been here hopin'  
You'd let yourself in  
And grin_- 'Hello Love' by Blossom Dearie

_Sirius' POV_

Wow. There's really no other word to describe this moment at all. It's official. I, Sirius Black, am whipped. By the most beautiful girl in all creation. Even Veela would be jealous. I'm in love with Maisy Heart. Temperamental problems affecting this? Well, for starters, she has about... zero self confidence in herself, her appearance or anything she does. Absurd to be honest, but that's girls for you. Two, she's my best friend's love-of-his-life's best friend. Slightly problematic I feel? And three? I promised I'd be her friend and tutor, for god's sake. Not her lover and suitor. Ugh, dramatics.

Anyway! Back to this most precious moment in eternity. **Wow. **Maisy's just walked in, which gets me every time. I can't help it. She's just walked in, like a bird on the wind, she saunters in behind Lily, chatting quietly to Ava. Her long, dark hair has been pulled up into a sketchy high pony tail, some of the strands are falling out and framing her perfect face. This is work mode hair. She doesn't understand the fuss of looking good for _school_. God, she's wise. And she's wearing make-up but you can really tell because it's all natural and pretty and Adam and Eve kind of gorgeous. But the best thing, the only thing that ever draws me away from her forest-green eyes, is her smile. A rare occurrence, but its there. All cute, ditsy and upturned. That's a smile alright.

Lily walks past me and dumps herself on the bench to my left. Maisy seems to tiptoe and sit directly opposite me on James' left. I even fail to notice Lily look up and smile at James before returning to her wholemeal toast because Maisy has just leaned forward to grab the honey and I kinda slightly

saw right down her shirt... But James! Oh Jamesie.

Jamesie Jamesie Jamesie. James Potter. The big J.P. What's to like? What's not to like? He's Quidditch co-captain and fantastic seeker. He's intelligent and puts his smarts to use, with cunning pranks nearly everyday. If I could wink, I would, but Maisy's just looked up and smiled at me and I've gone all gooey and WAH. Hmm. Anyway. James. Dark messy hair, annoying golden snitch that flies around him like a halo. Always at least 3 girls sneaking behind him, just to smell him or whatever it is that stalker girls do? But how he wishes one of those girls was the coquettish Lily Evans. Coy and intelligent also, she's hated James ever since he asked her to marry him in first year. And the hatred has developed into a mutiny for him in the past 6 years. But he's in love. Everything about the girl tantalises him. She's pretty, yes. Many boys believe she's the most gorgeous thing at Hogwarts since the new Nimbus 500 made an appearance, but I know better. Though James is lucky, he could tell Lily he loves her right now and she wouldn't bat an eyelid...

"Lily, I love you." James said, smiling broadly.

"Yes, good morning James." Lily replied, not looking up from the knife in her hands. Haha, I can just see the 'swish and flick' repeating in her mind.

"But I mean it!" he whined, pouting.

"So do I, I hope you have a good morning." She smiled up at him. Maisy's mouth was hanging slightly open at Lily's look.

"Urm.. Lily. Did you just smile at James?" she whispered theatrically.

"Yes..." Lily trailed out, buttering her toast and looking up with raised eyebrows. "Why can't I be civil with James without you girls setting our wedding date!"

Somewhere down the table Ava and Lea laughed together. Remus chuckled into his porridge.

"Urm, James has already set your wedding date, Lily." I piped up. James kicked me from under the table. I grunted, staring him down.

"Sirius?"

An angel had fallen from heaven. I swear it was an angel's voice. Clear as a bell and ringing with such a positive energy that it couldn't have been anything else. But it was Maisy, all lovely and smiley, looking up at me.

"Yes Maisy?" I played along. Please bring up the letter Please bring up the letter!

"Thankyou for the letter last night. I never get mail." She said, still smiling. "Made my day I think."

I think my heart just burst into a thousand pieces. "Really? Good! Did you sleep? You look really good today." I complimented her. Her cheeks flushed crimson and Lily hit my arm.

"For fuck sake, what's it with the Potters hitting me today?" I moaned. This earned me another punch. And kick. Fantastic. I bruise frickin' easily you bitches.

"Stop dazzling her, you bastard." Lily whispered, her eyes dancing like flames.

"I didn't. I just said she looked nice?" I backed up quickly. What was her problem?

"Oh. Oh okay then. Just... Meh don't worry." Lily gave up and put her cutlery down, agitated.

"So, the tutoring..." Maisy piped up again. God, was she getting brave or was it just me? One night had done her wonders!

"I'm ready when you are. Sirius-ly..." I added, winking. Haha, fantastic gag.

Maisy seemed to like it too. She giggled and James winked at me. I glared at him and put my middle finger up. Suddenly it turned bright red and burned red hot. In my haste, I dunked it straight into the iced water pail.

"What the fu...!"

"Do that again and I've curse it off!" Professor McGonagall said from behind me. I turned around and smiled that winning smile. Minnie. Favourite teacher in the whole world, legend. Much more of a softie than she lets on. Not that we've ever seen that side of her... But we're positive it's hidden in there somewhere, underneath all of those petticoats...

"Timetables." She said simply. And large rectangles of parchment landed in all the seventh years' hands. Maisy looked at hers and bit her lip. James was scratching his chin inquisitively and looking up at McGonagall.

"Minnie! I've only got you 3 times a week! What's happened?!" he squealed, looking thunderstruck. He winked at her.

"Detention, Mr Potter." She said without looking up. "Friday night, my office. 8 o' clock."

"Woah! Fair shout James! Can I come too?" I added hastily, joking along.

"No, Mr Black, you may now proceed to Muggle Studies for your first lesson." She added with a curt tip of her head towards the oak doors.

"I'd much rather talk to you my dear Minnie!"

"Ask me the previous question Mr Black."

"Can I come too?" I asked, unsure what she meant.

"Yes Mr Black. Friday night, 8 o' clock."

"Result!" hissed James, hi-fiving me.

"Must be a record!" Lily said scathingly, picking up her bag and stalking off to her first lesson. She shouted a goodbye to Maisy and proceeded with the throng of the school.

Maisy was giggling and packing her bag on the bench. Her skirt was interestingly short today. Still no tights. Still slightly brown from the summer. Still...

"Sirius, please stop looking at Maisy's legs. It's creeping her out. And me, for that matter." James said, chucking a boiled egg at me. I caught Maisy's eyes and smiled. She laughed. Remus came up behind her and smiled over-enthusiastically.

"Muggle Studies anyone?" he beamed.

"Let's ride, gang." I said, grabbing my own bag and ruffling my hair. Someone behind me swooned. Loser.

"Sirius, urm.. Sounds silly, probably just being silly and urm.." Maisy was stuttering and looking at her hands again.

"Maisy, spit. It. Out." I laughed.

"Partner. Muggle Studies?" She looked up hesitantly.

"Right..." I said. Wait. Oh my god! SHE WANTED TO BE MY PARTNER.

"Oh, okay..." she finished, looking slightly crestfallen.

"Yes, I'll partner with you, Heart." I smiled, grabbing her bag when she smiled back and dropped the satchel from her grip. I laughed and it boomed around the hall.

"I have that effect on women" I winked at her. She stifled a giggle and walked on with Remus. He turned around and looked at me, puzzled. I shrugged and carried on beaming. Walking behind Maisy? Total bonus. Such a pretty girl. Holds herself well. Reminds me of the first time I really looked her. The day that Maisy took my heart from my chest and gripped it furiously, caught my breath and stopped all thoughts not related to the species of Maisy Heart from entering my mind at all.

_It was the final day of exams. Everything was over. All the hours of revision and sleepless nights of worry were behind us. The final exam had been a hardcore History of Magic assessment. Would students still mix up Odric the Oddball and Uric the Irksome in future generations to come? Most probably. But for now, exams were over, the sun was shining and they'd just served chicken pie for lunch, result._

_The Marauders and I were sat underneath a small weeping willow, its lavish branches brushing the top of the lake like fingers. James was agitatedly watching his snitch fly out of reach and lose itself in the reeds. Remus, as usual, had his head in an ornate yet dusty book, Peter glimpsing at it from beside him, chewing his nails worriedly._

"_So..." I started, lying on the grassy bank and resting my hands behind my head. James looked over and sighed._

"_She's meant to like me! Not that Snivelly Slytherin!" He almost shouted, putting his head in his hands._

"_They're just friends, James. You know Lily – she's nice to everyone," said Remus._

"_Except you," Peter joked quietly. Unluckily, James heard and sent Peter a non-verbal hex, causing him to run off to the castle yelping._

"_Great. Now he's gunna sulk for a week," Remus huffed, slamming the book shut and storming off after him. He walked into a group of three leggy girls, one of which touched his arm delicately and continued up to school with him. The two remaining girls kept walking towards us, though I couldn't see them in the dazzling sunlight. James was now face down in the grass, groaning. I gave up with the mystery and closed my eyes, savouring the mid-June sun. Then a voice rang out over the buzz of the water beetles,_

"_Sirius?" I opened my eyes and glanced up. Her face was silhouetted in the light, only a small smile was evident. I sat up quickly and watched as she sat down on the grass, kicked her shoes off and leaned back on her arms, worshipping the sun. _

"_Maisy?" I said, dumbfounded. Maisy. Lily's best friend. The quiet one. The troubled one. Maisy._

"_Urm... That would be me. Lily and I thought we'd pop over for a chat," she smiled. "How did you guys find the exam?"_

_I had never noticed her doe eyes before. Or the sun-kissed glow of her skin. Or the way her legs carefully tucked underneath each other. How one said of her hair was tucked behind an ear, cutely, I registered. She was, dare I say it, beautiful._

"_Sirius, mate, you're creeping them out," James nudged me and laughed. Lily and Maisy giggled softly._

"_You haven't spoken in about three minutes." Maisy said. Oh, how angelic._

"_Yeah, very unlike you. We think you're ill," Lily added, smiling. I looked at them both._

"_Oh, ha ha." I said, sarcastically._

"_What do we owe the pleasure of you two _lovely_ ladies on this fine day?" James said, grinning _

_broadly._

"_End of exams! And it's such a lovely day. Thought we'd come and chat. Seeing as Ava wan..." Lily stopped and received a kick from Maisy. Fiesty! She narrowed her eyes, cleared her throat and continued. "Anyway... How did you find the exam?"_

"_Boring?" I said. They laughed._

"_Well, it was a fantastic opportunity to catch up on some beauty sleep." James said, returning to his lounging position on the grass._

"_Again, James, you've out-pricked yourself," Maisy said, flipping her hair and tucking her dishevelled locks behind her ear._

"_Oh would you look at that! Dear Snivellus is coming to join us!" James said, standing up and leaning against the gnarled trunk of the tree._

"_Potter, what the fuck is your problem? Get over it. He's leaving in a week." Lily snarled._

"_Where's he going? Off to join his Death Eater coven?" James laughed. Maisy bit her lip and looked over at Lily, whose eyes seemed on the verge of tears. I coughed and looked over at Severus Snape ambling across the grounds with a few friends. I could see this was gunna end badly._

"_James. Mate. This isn't the best time, c'mon." I tried to stop him. He folded his arms and looked down at me. _

"_Padfoot, how else will I say goodbye?" he winked and began to walk over to the skulking boy. Lily stood up and shouted over to him._

"_James! Don't! Please!" she pleaded, her tears tracking down her cheeks. Maisy was sat on the grass, head down, picking up the individual daises and twisting them into her hair. She didn't want to be involved._

"_Sev!" Lily shouted._

_But it was too late. James had flicked his wand nonchalantly, the non-verbal spell shocking the greasy-haired individual and forcing the rest of the school to act like a giggling gaggle of geese. The scantily clad students seemed to rush over from nowhere and surround the upside-down boy with his trousers around his ankles. Lily ran over, pushing past the crowds of students and pulling at Snape in tears. Trying to pull him down, but failing. She realised nothing would budge the boy who was shouting and cursing at James, who was laughing whole-heartedly at the whole situation. She walked over to James and hit his chest. A lot. Consistently. Maisy still didn't look up. I moved and sat next to her, putting my arm around her. She was shaking._

"_I don't like arguments," she whispered, still not looking up. She was breathing unsteadily and hiccoughing quietly. I hugged her harder and realised how good she smelled. Like sweet chocolate and freesias. Suddenly, a distraught looking Lily came tearing over. Makeup all down her face, her eyes puffy and red. Maisy jumped up from the ground and moved away from me rapidly. She put her arm protectively around her waist and walked her up towards the castle. Lily put her arm around Maisy's shoulders in response. They fit like a puzzle, two best friends that would worlds apart but similar in many ways. From a distance I heard Lily hiccough and whimper,_

"_He called me a Mudblood!"_

_I gasped and looked over at James who was watching Lily leave, uncertainly. James walked over to me and I sighed. I felt for the guy but sometimes... Well, a joke becomes too much. I felt for the girls. I turned and saw Maisy look back at me and wave shyly. Perfect. I'd fallen for Maisy Heart._

Soon enough, I found myself sat next to Maisy in Muggle Studies, chatting about toasters and labelling a cross section of an electric plug.

"Why?" I said, "WHYYY!"

"Sirius, shutup!" she laughed.

"This is so boring!" I nearly cried. It was. Though sitting here, next to Maisy, was an upside. She smelt lovely, as always. Her hair was tucked behind her ears again, and she was touching her jaw nervously.

"Okay okay, just like – for goodness sake!" I said, huffing dramatically, folding my arms and leaning back in my chair.

"Mr Black, anything you would like to add to this lesson?" Professor Greene said from behind me. I laughed loudly and replied: "Yes, this lesson needs a personality."

The classroom burst into laughter, Maisy went quiet and put her hands in her lap. I grimaced. Damn. Attention, urm... OVER THERE LOOK OUT THE WINDOW. Everyone had spun around to watch the confrontation. I tried distracting them – pointing at Jason and exclaiming his news about Lea ("Tell us something we don't know!" someone scoffed). This made Maisy stiffen and crouch further over her work. Why was I so stupid? I knew she hated attention. I know she dislikes anyone noticing her, so what is my problem? I tried telling people through my mind, Look away now, nothing to see here! To no avail, my mind was not being searched by any scary 7th years Legimens and Maisy and I were still being watched like Hippogriffs. Then suddenly, she went to stand up, tears streaming silently down her face, and she fell, gracefully, onto the floor with a loud thud. Shit.

"MAISY!" I yelled. My heart thudding and my brain whirring into displacement. CPR! SHIT! I started pressing down on her chest, my breathing coming thick and fast.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" someone yelled. Two firm hands grabbed me and pulled me off of the fragile Maisy. Nuh-uh. Who the fuck was that.

"It's okay Maisy, can you hear me?" He said, holding a hand to her forehead, crouching down next to her.

Jason. Bastard.

"What is your PROBLEM?" I shouted, pushing him hard.

"She only fainted, you twat." He said, smoothly. Professor Greene rushed over and stooped down next to Maisy. She patted Jason's arm and told him to return to his seat. He refused, holding Maisy's hand protectively.

"Sirius, I think you need to sit back down." Remus said from behind me. I looked around at him, anger flooding from my head to my toes.

"Why don't you fuck off?" I said.

"No! It's Maisy, Sirius. This happens alot. You've never given a shit before." Remus said, staring me down.

"I know. _I know._" I whispered. I looked at Remus and he patted my shoulder. He's worked it out.

Then, I heard a voice. A heavenly kind of voice.

"Jason?" it whispered.

"I'm right here Maisy," came the reply. Smarmy git.

"Where's Sirius?" she croaked. SHE WANTED ME.

"I'm right here, Heart," I smiled at her and her face transformed into a smile.

"Good, I'm gunna need someone to help me to the Hospital Wing." She smiled, looking up at me, her eyes still red and running with tears. Professor Greene looked at me suspiciously.

"Did you give her a Fainting Fancy to get out of my lesson? Thought you could both SKIVE?" Her eyes burned into mine. BITCH! I would never put Maisy's health at risk. What kind of suitor did she think I

was. I clutched my hand to my heart and looked at her,

"What kind of monster would _do_ such a thing!" Sarcastically. Of course.

Remus backed me up, "Professor Greene, Maisy suffers from this quite often. I'm thinking it's a condition that she needs sorting out?" he smiled. Teachers pet! The old hag melted and asked me, kindly, but through gritted teeth, to take Maisy to the Hospital Wing.

"I can do it!" smiled Jason, in triumph. Does he want a slap?

"No, I think I can manage." I replied, cursing him under my breath. Ugh. Maisy grabbed my hand and tried to pull herself up, weakly. My heart seemed to burn. Poor Maisy.

"Jason, I think you should go back to the lesson. You never understood electricity." My girl pointed out to him, and smiled weakly. Jason watched her, his mouth agape. Ha! Suck on that.

"But, Maisy... It's me. It's Jason." He spluttered.

"Yes I do know, I haven't lost my mind since passing out, I'm well aware of the person you are." Point 1 to Maisy!

"But, Maisy. You.. You're delirious! You can't want this.. Bafoon to take you to the Hospital Wing?" He asked, his voice going all high-pitched in rejection.

Maisy's eyes started to tear up again. She looked at him and bit her lip. Oh. Oh I get it. I get it!

"Maisy, if you want him to take you..." I said, obvious of her affection.

"No! Please. Sirius? Please take me up? I need someone with a strong back AND mind." She replied curtly, glaring at Jason, who sunk miserably back to his seat and watched us leave with malice written across his face. Not literally. But he looked mad. Two nil to Maisy though! WOOP WOOP.

We reached the corridor when she collapsed against the stone wall, tears burning her scarlet cheeks.

She sobbed for a while and I watched, not knowing what to do now. She liked Jason, I wasn't stupid. But she needed me. He had Lea. HE HAD LEA. OH MY ALLAH. That's why she's been so... Oh, Maisy. He's a user!

"He's a user, Maisy." I said, crawling over towards her and touching her hand.

"I-I kno-o-w." She hiccoughed. "Wh-y can't boys be more l-i-ike you Sir-i-us." She cried harder, burying her head into my shirt again.I wrapped my arms around her protectively.

"Cos I'm better than all of them, duh" I winked at her. She giggled and coughed. She was so fragile. So very very fragile. Even hugging her like this was painful. Like she could snap.

"Remember that day, after exams? When we went through this very same situation?" I smiled down at her. She looked up, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry. I'm pathetic I know." Her lips trembled. No no no! Not what I was thinking Maisy!

"No, you're brave. You're just not as strong as everyone else. Something bashed down your barriers. You're just vulnerable." I said. She looked up and looked rather, astonished.

"How did you...?" she started. HA! I know you better than you think, Heart.

"I'm fantastic, remember? Now c'mon. No more tears okay? I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing." I stood up and placed my hands underneath her back and knees. She pulled her arms around my neck and we walked, easily, towards the East of the school.

"I could walk you know?" she said weakly, giving me a watery smile.

"And let me risk you passing out or falling or collapsing again? I don't think so. You're safer here."

Closer to my heart.

"Thank you Sirius. You're a really good friend." Ouch.

"Why thank you, Heart. I would say the same, but you know.." I winked at her. Stop Sirius, do not feel put out.

She hit me playfully and smiled, resting her head in the crook of my collarbone and neck. Her hair smelt of freesias again. Like summer. Like that day. We reached the Hospital Wing and Healer Dunn took her inside and rested her on a bed. He smiled at me and told me to come back at lunch, she'd be fine.

"Quite surprised it isn't you hurt. No pranks today then, eh?" the old man winked at me. How he did love us Marauders and our fun and games. What a dude.

"Not yet, Captain! I'll inform you of the next, don't you worry." I waved to Maisy and proceed to the dungeons for Potions. Fantastic. I know he can heal her fainting spells, but can he actually heal all the pain she's feeling? No, no he can't.

*

"I didn't mean to do it, Sirius!" James whined from across the pumpkin juice. He was staring into his cup dejectedly, looking at Lily down the table who was sat with Maisy, sporting a swollen lip and hand.

"Yeah.. How were you to know that the SWELLING SOLUTION would make parts of her body SWELL!" Remus said, shaking his head.

"You're out-pricked yourself, as Lily would say." I reminded him. Stupid stupid boy.

"I just want to impress her! Blow up her cauldron and then clear it up, be all heroic like..." He put his

face on the oak table.

"She's better at charms than you. She would have mended it herself. And don't you think she would have worked out your plan?" I said.

"After six years, she was probably expecting you to finally harm her." Remus sighed.

"Help me!" James cried.

"You're beyond help mate. You need a freaking brain transplant." I laughed, looking at Maisy who was looking very peaky, but altogether better than earlier. She smiled at me. My stomach did a little flip. Remus eyed me.

"Remus, chill. She's fine!" I said, reading his mind.

"Why what happened?" said James, stuffing his face with a Shepherd's Pie.

"Maisy fainted in Muggle Studies tis all." I said nonchalantly.

"Oh Christ. Is she okay?" James said, actually pausing in mid bite. "Is Lily okay? She's her best friend after all..."

"I think _Maisy_ is fine now." I punctuated the Maisy. Everything had to come back to Lily. If I didn't love the poor sod to bits I'd probably be sick of this by now. I laughed at myself.

We all continued eating in silence, Remus glancing over at me more than often. It was kind of creepy. Then I heard footsteps walk past me and saw a blonde haired boy walk down to Maisy. He sat on the bench next to her, straddling it with both legs on either side. Maisy looked at him in disgust. I strained to hear the conversation. Lily looked on, without speaking.

"Maisy, you've changed. You didn't sit with me in Muggle Studies. We _always _ sit together."

"Yeah, and that's gunna change, from now on."

"But, Sirius _Black,_ Maisy? He's a Black!"

"He's sincere, unlike _you_ Jason."

"What? How am I not sincere? We've been friends for years Maisy! Why are you suddenly choosing him over me."

"Before he didn't leave me. He didn't ditch me. He didn't run off with my best friend. Yet... But that's not the problem!" Run off with her best friend? Why would I do that? Silly girl.

"So this is about Lea?"

"Yes. You knew how much I liked you. But you threw it back in my face, didn't you? I don't need this on top of everything I have going on."

"I've liked you since day one, you idiot!" HOLD UP. Stop right there, Mr Jason-Dick-Head-Boy.

"Sure you have."

"I have! I thought, me and Lea would make you, I dunno..."

"Jealous? Well tough shit. It didn't work." My god her confidence has soared?

"Maisy, please. Don't do this."

"It's already done Jason. Go back to Lea and play happy families. I'm beyond crying over you."

"I..."

"Stop. Just go. If you give two fucks you'll leave me alone."

Jason skulked off, pulling his hand through his hair. He looked, well, distraught. I would have felt sympathy but, he hurt Maisy and that's a major no-no on my part. Maisy now seemed to collapse into tears. Lily put an encouraging arm around her. God, this was a bit messy eh?

"Oi, Jason!" I called. He walked over and looked at me like a Mandrake on weed.

"Yeah yeah, Black. She's all yours. But if you hurt her..."

"Fuck you, Jason. Get over yourself."

"She deserves more than you."

"And you think you're more than me?!" I almost laughed. What a joke. Remus piped up,

"Urm.. what's this about?"

"Remus, mate, just don't."

"Yeah, Remus, don't." Said Jason.

"Hold up one damn minute here!" James said, angry. "You upset Maisy, you walk over here, upset Sirius, and now you're having a go at Remus? Mate, you need sorting out."

"What. And you're gunna be the one to do it?" he sneered.

"Watch out, Jason. And leave the Gryffindors alone from now on." I said, staring at him. He returned

my glare with acid. He stalked off, leaving us four with bated breath.

"What we do for our friends eh?" James said, with a low whistle.

"Yeah, friends..." Remus said, looking at me. Oh god, please no. Please don't do this.

"Sirius?" Maisy was here yayayayayayyayayaay.

"Yeaaaaas? How're you feeling?" I said, smiling. She took a seat next to me, Lily sidled up behind her.

"Good thanks. Thanks for doing that, with Jason. You didn't have to." She looked uncomfortable.

"I.." I started. But James got there first.

"NO problem, us Gryffindors have to stick together." She smiled at him and profusely thanked all 3 of us.

"And Lily, I'm really sorry..." James said, wringing his hands. She stopped him in his tracks.

"Don't apologise! It's fine. I know what you were trying to do. And although, you are a dick, it's fine. I can charm the swelling away in an instant, I just wanted you to feel guilty." She waved her wand and returned back to her normal visage. James beamed at her. "And what you guys did for Maisy, not bad. Seriously, I think there's hope for you yet." She twinkled and left, with her bag flung over her shoulder.

"Maisy, you coming?" she called, smiling at her.

"Urm.. I think Sirius was going to give me some tips on transfiguration this afternoon. We have no lessons." WOAH. When did this happen? Not that I'm complaining...

"No worries, see you at dinner." And she left. James jumped up and ran after her. They both chatted and laughed together whilst leaving the hall. Happy days! Happy happy happy days!

Remus looked at me and I glanced at him to leave. "Well I'll just be going then..." he said, laughing, and left the Great Hall.

"So... I'm tutoring today then?" I said. She laughed.

"Well, I was wondering if we could get a head start. I need it you know." She pulled out her timetable.

"I'm free all afternoon... Are you?" she said, looking up and hoping, definitely hoping.

"If you do, I do. We have the same timetable remember?" I smiled. YESSSSSSSSS.

"Oh, yeah." She giggled nervously, touching her jaw. Bless her.

"Well, shall we?" I said, offering her my arm. She took it and smiled.

"We shall." She then looked up at me with malice. "Jason is totally looking isn't he?"

"Oh yes, most definitely." I said. She laughed.

"Well, if we're gunna piss him off, we'd best do it properly." And she pulled me out of the hall, a spring in her step and a smile on her face. Maisy was on the mend.

*

"Imagine it changing in your mind! It helps. Go on, try again." I said encouragingly. Bless her, she really was shocking at Transfiguration. She screwed up her face and pointed her wand at the book. It instantly turned into a tortoise.

"Fantastic Maisy!" I whispered. Scared of Mrs Horne's protégée Madame Pince kicking us out. The library was a fantastic place for non-verbal spells and studying – no one was ever around. Especially during the seventh year's free periods.

Maisy beamed at the tortoise and hastily transfigured it back into the book. Brilliant. She had come on in leaps and bounds during these past couple of hours.

"See? Fab!" I smiled.

"I couldn't have done it without you!" she beamed.

"Well, I'll be here the next time. We gotta train you up. N.E.W.T level isn't all fun and games." I said, bemused at my seriousness.

"True. I wanna get an E, but I know that's aiming too high."

"Maisy, you can _never_ aim too high." I said, touching her hand and squeezing it. She flinched slightly then relaxed. Then, high-pitched laughter came front in front of us.

"Oh would you look at this, Jenna?" said Kim, the most vicious of the Slytherin girls, staring at us. I dropped her hand easily and cringed at the thought of Maisy's state of mind after this. These girls weren't gunna leave until some damage had definitely been done.

"Oh Kim, it's true love's young dream." She scathed, laughing vindictively.

"What do you harpies want?" I asked, gritting my teeth.

"Nothing, Sirius, nothing. Thank you for your prank the other day. It really opened our eyes to how much the Gryffindors need sorting out." Kim smiled angelically.

"Ha, you couldn't get us back even if you tried. You girls really are pathetic. Goodbye now." I smiled at them and indicated the door.

"Oh I don't think so. Look at Maisy here, she doesn't want us to go, do you Maisy?" Jenna said sadly, pretending to pout.

"Go a-a-way." Maisy said. Shaking. Again. Damn it. I promised myself this would never happen again.

"Maisy's not too well today so can you please, I don't know how to say this politely... Fuck off."

"Oh yeah, Sirius, sticking up for your GIRLFRIEND now?" they laughed.

Maisy shrunk in the chair and grabbed her wand hard, her knuckles were white. She didn't look up once.

"Urm, no, just a friend getting some _friend_ly tutoring."I said matter-of-factly. Yeah, bite on that.

"Oh yeah, she does need it." Fuck.

"Yeah, bit of a div to be honest, how many hours a day are you giving her Sirius? Plenty I hope." Jenna laughed again.

"Fuck off, Jenna." Maisy said quietly.

"Ooh-ooh! It can talk. No Lily to talk for you eh?"

"I said, fuck off." She was trying, but her voice was becoming weaker and intimdation was getting to her. I was shocked. What do I say?

"Hey Sirius, how about you give me some tutoring, I'm not too bright myself." Kim winked at me. Ugh.

"Oh yeah, what would you like help in – beauty department?" Ooh burn.

Jenna gasped and Kim looked at me in vile displeasure.

"Well, that's what you're helping Maisy with, isn't it?" The pair snickered and walked off, leaving me gob-smacked at the thought. They thought _Maisy_ needed help in the _beauty_ department? DO THEY NOT OWN A MIRROR?!

"Maisy?" I said quietly. I put my arm on her shoulder. She jumped up at my touch and grabbed her books, running from the library without a word. I paused, unsure of what to do. Do I leave her? Do I help her? She asked for me before, now she doesn't want anything from me? Have I truly fucked this up? I called out to her when I left the library, speeding along the corridor like a man on a mission,

"Maisy! Please, come back."

She turned around and then kept walking, she was in tears again. Stupid fucking Slytherins. I ran to catch up with him and pulled on her arm. She freaked out.

"Get off me Sirius!"

"Maisy, Maisy, calm down! It's only me?" Now I was just trying to reassure myself. Her big green eyes were swimming with moisture. I grabbed her other arm, though she tried to protest and pulled her into my chest, hugging her tight until she fell limp and dissolved into the epitome of sorrow. I clung to her waist for support. Even I felt ill. Felt bad. This was my fault.

"This was my fault."

"No, no it wasn't. I'm sorry." Maisy said, wiping her eyes and pushing me off of her. "This is my fault."

She walked away. Up the grand staircase and into the Gryffindor common room. I watched from the third level. Not believing what had happened. Everything had been perfect. Maisy had been getting there. And now, nothing. She was gone.

I walked up to the common room dejectedly and was attacked by Lily as soon as the door swung open.

"What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO!" Lily cried vehemently. She had tears in her eyes too. What was it with girls today?

"My best friend has just gone up t bed in tears at half past four in the afternoon! And I left her with you! You don't get it do you? She's the most precious thing to me. She's like my sister. How dare you hurt her!" James stepped in and pulled Lily away by the shoulders. I looked on, in shock. I couldn't speak. Me? Hurt her? Never.

"Sirius, what happened?" said James, sitting Lily on the sofa and touching her shoulder in comfort.

"Kim and Jenna. Library. Nasty, really, truly nasty. And Maisy, crumbled. Broke down. She was fine. We were fine. Then nothing." I said. Remus looked up from his book, pity in his eyes.

"How could you?" Lily whispered.

"I didn't mean to! I tried to make them leave! You know what they're like!"

"No. How _could_ you. How could you bring out the old Maisy and then let her sink back into the darkness of her summer?"

"What darkness?" Shit, what is wrong with Maisy?

"Like she would tell you! You bastard. Don't you dare come near her again, you hear?" Lily cried.

"Lily, I don't think Sirius meant any harm..." James soothed.

"I would never hurt Maisy. Ever. She's one of my friends. I know it's my fault. I should have got us out of there. I just didn't know. Lily I'm so sorry. Please, tell Maisy? I'm sorry? Beyond sorry." My hands were shaking in worry. This can't be over. This can't just end today. No way.

"I'm sorry Sirius," said Lily, getting up and hugging me. She added with a whisper, "_I know you like her. But I'm not about to stand back and watch her get used by you."_ And she slapped me.

"Don't come near her," Lily snapped. "Us. Any of you." She added, looking at James and Remus.

"Lily," said Remus, always the voice of reason. Please turn this around! "It's not our fault. We care for you girls,. Really. We're gunna be there if you get hurt, we're not just gunna stand by and let all this shit happen to you."

"Sirius did!" said Lily nastily. I hung my head. Way to go, make me feel even worse yeah.

"He didn't mean to. Maisy wouldn't want to lose Sirius, she's just upset!" Remus added.

"I know she wouldn't." Said Lily quietly. She KNOWS? Oh yeah, Maisy! What have you said to Lily?

"So, c'mon. Go talk to Maisy. Chill out. We're gunna be here." Remus smiled.

James got up and ran his hands through his hair, "And Lily, I know I say this alot but – I'm _always_ gunna be here. Seeing you upset breaks my heart. And seeing someone so close to you upset breaks my heart even more. Please, don't walk out on us!"

"We need a female figure to keep our lives on track!" I added jokingly, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Lily smiled and beckoned us into a large hug. James was beyond ecstatic, his head resting in Lily's chest. She laughed this off and ruffled his hair. This was a mutual feeling. Friends stood up for each other. The Gryffindors, through thick and thin. Nothing was gunna change that. Especially not any nasty Slytherins bitches or a pompous blonde haired Ravenclaw twat.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Never thought we'd be here  
When my love for you was blind  
But I couldn't make you see it_ - Blind by Lifehouse

_Remus' POV_

What is happening to the world? What is _happening?_ I'm irritable, Sirius has gone all weird on us and James is still lusting after Lily. It's like some sort of cheesy soap opera, minus the peroxide blonde hair dye and adding a couple of wands.

It's October 29th. Two days before the Halloween feast and the night of the full moon. Uber great. With all of my friends in psychological misfortunes and myself as a werewolf? Exciting stuff. Not. I've worked it out though. I worked out my troubles.

Ava's great. No, seriously, she is. Pretty, funny and intelligent. It's like a match made in heaven. But, well... She's not Maisy. I know no one thinks much of Maisy but I always did. Especially after second year with that Mandrake incident, I just, fell for her. Yeah I've kept it under wraps and yeah I didn't tell her but that's not the point. I know now. I missed my chance. Sirius is in love with her.

So, he hasn't said it out loud. Or brought it up. But I know. I think Lily knows aswell. She's been eyeing him like a hawk. And Sirius, he looks at Maisy like a queen. He tutors her, he eats with her, he partners with her; he's seriously whipped! But, why isn't he doing anything about it? I just don't understand him. She obviously adores him, but like a friend. Anything like commitment and she runs a mile. It's all such a mess. Such a mess.

So, I've decided to do the best thing. Operation: Sirius loves Maisy. It's original, I know, I take all the credit for the name, but this has gone too far. I'm sick of him moping around at night when he's not in her company, sick of him looking straight through us when he's obviously thinking about being somewhere else. Getting this out in the open will be the best thing.

So, it begins today. I'll watch, animate a plan, and then jump them both throughout the day, get some answers. If I ever find them without each other... But Sirius has Quidditch practice today, so that's my chance to talk to Maisy. We haven't spoken in a while anyway. I know I sound major stalkerish, but it's for the best!

It's breakfast right now, and Ava's chattering to me about something but I'm watching Maisy and Sirius. They're laughing together, and she's touching his arm while she laughs. Interesting. Remind myself to note this down in Transfiguration!...

"Remus? Are you even listening to me?" Ava huffs, impatiently.

"Of course I am!" I said, guiltily.

"So what did I just say?" she says, crossing her arms. Lea giggles across from us. Nice, Lea. I know I'm in deep shit okay.

"Okay, I wasn't listening," I say, sipping my pumpkin juice quietly.

"You never listen anymore! What is wrong with you?" she shouts, shaking her head and storming from the hall. Smooth, Remus, smooooth.

I shrug my shoulders when James turns around. He laughs,

"Oh, Moony, you have such a lot to learn about women," he says, putting his arm around Lily's shoulders. She pushes him off easily, ignoring his smirk and second attempt. That girl needs a statue of her somewhere, she's a saint.

"Ah, frick." Maisy says, when a piece of buttered toast slides off her plate and lands, butter down on her school skirt. Sirius picks up a napkin and starts rubbing it off. Urm... Awkward?

Everyone looks at him, even Maisy looks a bit freaked out.

"What? It was worth a shot!" he said easily, dropping the napkin and handing it back to a giggling Maisy. She'd been so happy lately. It was amazing the transformation that had taken place in two months.

"So, ready for the test?" Lily asked Maisy, smiling.

"Yes! I've never felt more ready for Minnie's rath!" she laughed. We all laughed with her.

"Don't let her hear you calling her that mind, you'll end up in detention with me and James tomorrow night!" Sirius said.

"Pfft, it's fine. I'll be teacher's pet by the end of this! You know I got Os in my last 2 Transfiguration papers?" she said, beaming.

"Seriously?" I asked, I hadn't realised how well she was doing. His tutoring had really paid off.

"Excuse me? I'm Sirius!" Sirius added, pouting like a child. We all laughed at his common joke. It never failed to impress.

"C'mon then you crazy kids, let's get to Transfiguration." James beckoned. Lily jumped up and tripped over the bench. James caught her easily in his arms and she looked up at him, her cheeks burning red. INTERESTING! I would be an awesome private investigator you know... She then got up and brushed down her clothes, coughing and walking away from the table. Ooh err, Lily Evans! Something you'd like to share?

"Any news from Peter yet?" James asked me quietly when we were walking the corridors.

"Not a peep, last I heard he was in Romania." I said, biting my lip. "He'll be fine. A round the world trip with the family is an awesome experience!"

"Yeah, but... It just seems odd, ya know?" James said, doubtfully.

"Yeah..." I said, watching Sirius grab Maisy's hand next to him as they walked. They laughed then dropped their hands as the tall blonde boy has walked past. Ah, Jason. Here's me thinking nobody liked Maisy and here she is with at least 3 boys lusting after her. Terrible...

Transfiguration was noisy today as Professor McGonagall took students out of the classroom to test them on animal transfiguration. Maisy passed easily and ran back into the room hugging Sirius, who congratulated her multiple times. She was bright and bubbly throughout the whole lesson. Sirius looked happy and at ease. They looked like a couple. A perfect couple. James, from next to me, nudged me.

"What are you doing, Remus?" he asked, quizzing me. I must have looked guilty, because he raised his eyebrows.

"Don't get mad." I said.

"Ugh, mate, don't be stupid. I know exactly what you're doing." He sighed.

"You do?" I said. Shit. That can't be good?

"You like Lily, right?" he said, his mouth kind of half smiling in pity.

"Urm..." What the hell?

"It's okay you know. Crushes are easy to get over."

"James. I do not fancy Lily." I said, pointedly. Ugh, idiot.

"Oh, well, who do you like then? Cos it most certainly isn't Ava." James said, looking slightly happier.

"I have this thing for Maisy." I said, plainly.

He looked slightly angry now. "Doesn't everyone."

"What do you mean?" I said.

"Well, Jason is literally in love with her, and he's meant to be going out with Lea. Have you seen the way he looks at her? Seriously, it's shocking how he's using Lea."

"Yeah..."

"And Sirius. Well. I dunno what's going on with him. He and Maisy are so close, but it's nice. She needs a friend like him." He smiled, drawing a large heart around the initials 'L.E' on his homework.

"A-a friend?" I stammered. Was James really that naive?

"Yeah. Lily's happy she's got a friend in him. He'll keep her out of harm's way. You know Sirius – very dedicated to his friends."

"Yeah, friends." I repeated.

"But, this thing with Maisy. Just a crush yeah?" James said, punching my arm lightly.

"Just a crush. Promise," I said. And it's true. Just a crush. She's just something nice to look at when Ava's talking about herself.

"Good stuff. Maisy should get a boyfriend though, she's a really pretty girl." James said, smiling at Sirius from across the room.

"What about Sirius?" I asked, kind of freaked out that James was really this narrow-minded.

"Maisy and Sirius?" James said, mouth open.

"Duh?" Oh my Allah, he didn't know.

"Sirius and Maisy?!" he whispered.

"Yes. Don't you _see_ it?" I emphasised, rolling my eyes over towards them.

"Oh my God. Oh my God! You're so right. Oh my God." James said smiling broadly.

"You look ecstatic. Did you pee your pants?" I asked.

"That would be _so_ cool! I mean, I know they're really good mates but I DIDN'T SEE IT. REMUS, I'm such an idiot! Look at them. The chemistry. They're like a puzzle that's been fixed together at long last! My little Siri, all grown up. Awwwwwwwh! Wait til we tell him our realisation..." he said, starting to get up.

"No!" I shouted.

Lots of heads turned around to stare at us, me with my hand on James arm, and James with his face in a kind of 'o' shape.

"Gotcha, cap'n!" he winked. "You're gunna leave them to it?"

"He might not even like her."

"True. She's not really, relationship material. We don't want our little Padfoot getting hurt. That would rip him up."

"Yes, so, it's a secret, yes?" I said, spitting into my hand.

"Only the secretest!" he said, spitting into his hand. We joined hands and then wiped them in our robes. Disgusting, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"What secret?" said an ivory skinned red-head, turning around in our seat and flashing her brightest smile at James.

"I... I..." James stammered.

"James. No." I looked at him.

"But it's Lily!" James begged. Lily smiled at me, her eyes pleading.

"Urgh, okay. But if she even BREATHES a word of this to Maisy, then there will be consequences." I said, shaking my head. This could only end badly.

James looked up at Lily, turned his head to the side and flirtatiously said, "Well..."

*

Lunchtime! Operation: Sirius loves Maisy is in full swing. I now have 2 more recruits, and we're in full mode.

"Urm, James.. Could you do me a favour?" said Sirius, sweetly.

"Anything, ol' Paddy, ol' pal!" James smiled.

"Stop. Staring. At. Me."

"I didn't realise I was, oh snappy one." James smiled. Lily looked at Maisy intently. 'What?' Maisy mouthed at her. 'Nothing' Lily signalled by waving across her neck.

"What's going on," said Sirius, catching Lily signalling.

"Nothing!" all 3 of us private eyes said quickly, returning to our steak pie.

"Mhmm, sure." Maisy laughed, picking at her macaroni and cheese. Sirius whispered something in her ear and she smiled, picking up a large amount of pasta and putting it in her mouth, widening her eyes at him.

"Okay, you've made your point. But like I said, you'll waste away otherwise." Sirius digged, nudging her in the ribs.

I'd been too busy watching this end of the table that I didn't notice Ava sit down and start shouting, again.

"What's wrong with you Remus?" she said quietly.

"Nothing. I'm just looking out for some friends."

"For Maisy, more like."

"Excuse me?" How did she know.

"I see how you watch her, I'm not stupid Remus." She said sighing sadly.

"Oh." What else was I meant to say?

"I think we should take a break," she said, tears falling silently.

"But.."

"Maisy needs us right now, and I'm not prepared to act so angry around her all the time."

"What do you mean she _needs_ friends right now?!" I asked. I couldn't help it. I wanted to know.

"Remus. Leave it." She added dangerously.

The rest of the table had turned around at this last spat from Ava. Lily and Maisy got up from the table and walked out of the hall with Ava, all hand in hand. I felt guilty, sure, but not guilty enough to care.

"Nicely done Remus," said Sirius.

"It's fine." I said.

"Yeah, okay. We'll meet you in the common room at 5ish, after Quidditch practice. We gotta train before beating those Ravenclaw prats tomorrow." Sirius said, glaring over at the angel faced boy on the Ravenclaw table.

"Okay gents, love you and leave you. Have fun," I said, getting up and walking out of the hall. I could speak to Maisy easily. Lily would be in Divination. The boys were at Quidditch. The common room would be empty. Perfect!

After about an hour waiting in the Common Room, Maisy appeared with some homework and placed it on the spindly table by the window. She pushed her hair behind her ears and picked up a sugar quill, sucking it for a while before starting to write. Every so often she looked up, stuck, and watched the clock above the fireplace. Waiting for 5 o' clock, I'm sure.

"Need help there?" I said, looking up from my book at her.

"Urm... Yeah. Actually. I'm totally stuck." She bit her lip, looking back down at the constellation map on the table.

I got up and took the chair next to her. "That's Jupiter, not Saturn. And Mercury is the one nearest the Sun, not Mars."

"I know that, I'm in such a pickle. Sirius usually helps me with all this." She said, looking back down.

"So, you and Sirius..." I said, subtly. I'm goooood!

"Yeah?" she asked, looking up at me like I was insane or something.

"You like him, huh?" I pressed. Her face masked horror.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about..." she said, busying herself with the ink in her ink pot.

"You won't admit it then?" oh God, just hope she doesn't cry or something.

"I have nothing to admit!" she said, her face going bright red.

"Well, the embarrassment on your face says otherwise," I smiled.

"Whatever."

"I think he likes you. A lot." I stated, simply.

"No, we're friends. Good friends." She stammered out, her voice thick with emotion.

"Why won't you see it? Why won't you open your eyes? It's like you're blind!" I said. Woops,

probably too far.

"Remus, I think you should go." She said, her eyes brimming.

"No, I think you should listen. Listen to me!" I said when she turned away. "He obviously likes you a lot, please ... Don't hurt him. Please. He'll be shattered."

"It's nothing to do with me! We're friends Remus." She said, tears being to slide.

"It's everything to do with you! He's crazy about you! Please, Maisy. Do the right thing?"

"What? Let him down gently so he won't get attached to sad old me? I can't manage without him. He knows me. He keeps me sa-a-ne." She said, starting to cry properly.

I looked at her. I felt guilty. Beyond guilty. I didn't mean to push her. I just wondered. Needed her to understand the pain of all of this.

"MAISY?" Sirius shouted from the doorway, getting across the common room in 4 long strides. He cradled her in his arms and walked her over to the sofa, pulling her to him and rubbing her back soothingly. "It's okay, Maisy. It's okay." I heard.

James looked at me in shock. What had I done? I don't know, I don't know.

It seemed like an hour, easily. Sirius was sat, soothing Maisy, Lily came and sat next to me on an armchair when she'd heard and James was stood behind Sirius and Maisy, watching intently. This was bad. Would I ever be forgiven for this?

Slowly, Sirius lifted Maisy off of him and beckoned Lily forward. Lily got up and took Sirius' place, wrapping her arms around Maisy, kissing her head maternally. What had I done? Sirius got up and walked over to me, pausing before he reached me and looking away. "We'll talk later," he said, with venom, walking out of Gryffindor Tower, slamming the portraiture door behind him. James paused and smiled at Lily, "Sirius won't be back tonight. Detention remember? Make sure you take care of her."

With one last fleeting look at me, he followed Sirius out of the Tower. Ugh. To make matters worse, Ava had just walked in. I escaped up the stairs ("Remus?") and into the seventh year boy's dormitory, falling onto my bed heavily. I pulled open my bedside cabinet drawer and pulled out a large vial of violet potion. I pulled out the bung, letting the air escape, and downed it in one. Hopefully I wouldn't be bad tonight. Please, not tonight.

I left the dormitory and walked into the quietest Common Room ever. Maisy was still asleep on Lily, and Lily was dozing on her. Dedication. It was amazing, the relationship they had. More like sisters. Sirius looked up when I entered, James pulled him back down into his seat. I started,

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset her!"

"SSSH! For Christ sake Remus. Just don't okay?" he said, not even meeting my eyes. The Marauders had NEVER fallen out before. Not badly. Not like this. Not the way Sirius was looking at me.

"I'm sorry." I said again.

"You shouldn't be apologising to me, Remus."

"Remus, leave it. Let's just go." James said, getting up and gently touching Lily's head as he left. She raised her hand and briefly swept over his hand before sighing and returning to sleep. James smiled, even Sirius winked at him. This would be an interesting night.

*

Getting to the Whomping Willow, transforming, keeping away from the school, returning to the Shrieking Shack and waiting for dawn is always a blur for me. I lose myself in my werewolf senses. But I had the best of friends who looked out for me and Hogwarts. Tonight had been particularly bad, I noticed, as I started to regain consciousness, listening to James and Sirius talking. I feigned still being asleep and listened intently.

"In the window, James! She saw!"

"No, no she didn't. She would think it was like, I dunno..."

"Like what, James? A stray dog? STRANGLING A WEREWOLF?"

"Sirius, mate, c'mon."

"No! She knows. She saw. She's had thoughts about this before. Every full moon she notices. Maisy's not stupid. She doesn't sleep. She doesn't eat. I can't do anything else for her but protect her. And Remus was in school grounds tonight. That's not protecting her."

"She's inside, James."

"I know. I know. I just can't quit the feeling that she's unsafe all the time. Like I need to be there to cover her in cotton wall, wait for her to break down. She's so fragile." He heaved a sigh.

"Sirius, you love her, don't you?"

There was a silence. A silence to end all silences. Until,

"Yes. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry? Mate! What for? I'm so happy for you."

"She's Lily's best friend."

"But you're perfect for each other. You think I care, as long as you're happy, Lily's happy and Maisy's happy, nothing else should matter, Padfoot. You daft old git."

"I can't tell her."

"Yes you can."

"You don't understand..."

"Then help me understand, Sirius."

"She... She's so broken. Everything she's ever loved has gone. She depends on Lily, she depends on me, she depends on you and Remus and Ava and ..."

"And what? She _needs_ you. That much is obvious."

"What if I can't do it?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if I can't save her."

"Save her? From what?"

"Herself."

The two shifted uncomfortably. James was the first to speak,

"Ultimately, telling someone you love them shouldn't earn you anything more than respect."

"I know. But she's different than other girls. She has low self esteem, she feels inadequate, she..."

"She's Maisy. She's your Maisy, Sirius. No one will understand her like you do."

"I'm not going to tell her."

Sigh. "I think, you're doing the wrong thing. This will eat you up inside, mate."

"I don't care. I'm not going to scare her and see her go through anymore pain, okay?"

"I get it! Just, don't get hurt over this."

"I'm trying, but it's like I'm falling."

"You're not falling."

"I am, I'm falling for her. I'm falling. Every time I see her, I fall even further. Until at one point, I'm gunna hit the ground with a thud when I say those three little words."

"Mate, you're so deep."

"I know. I'm love sick mate. It's what it does to you."

"You're a mess, Sirius."

"But I'm happy being like this."

"As long as you're happy, it doesn't matter about us." James laughed.

"Thanks mate. You're not my best mate for nothing you know?"

"I know, I'm fricking brilliant, eh?"

"Only the best, James."

"I love you Siri."

"Love you too James. Now, urgh.. Can we stop the gay chat now? I think Remus may be coming 'round soon."

"OH, good idea. I better stop hugging you then." They both laughed and I sat up, rubbing my eyes coherently.

They both looked at me, Sirius looked at me,

"No harm done." He said, smiling.

"You mean it?" I said, smiling. He was forgiving me.

"Marauders and brothers 'til the end, Remus." He said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I..."

"Don't say anything. It's better like this." James said, getting up and grabbing his Invisibility Cloak. "Now get your asses under here, it's nearly five-thirty."

*

We crept into the Common Room like mice, expecting to make it into bed before anyone heard or got up. It usually worked, and nobody suspected a thing. Except tonight. Tonight was different. I walked in, dishevelled and tired, expecting to race up to bed, when I saw a ghost white figure sat on the sofa.

She was wearing pyjama shorts and an oversize t-shirt and was staring into the distinguished fire as if she was searching for something. In the light of the new day, I could make out tears criss-crossing down from her eyes. They looked sore and empty. Sirius rushes over from behind me.

"Maisy? MAISY?" he asks her. She continues to watch the ash in the grate. Continues to stare openly, more tears leaking from her eyes.

James comes up behind me and sighs, sadly. I watch the pair on the sofa. Sirius sat in front of her, kneeling on the floor, shaking her shoulders.

"Maisy. Maisy?" he's still shaking her. She breaks her trance and looks at him. Her shoulders heave a couple of times before her whole body dissolves into an unthinkable mess. Sirius watches her, pain etched into his face. He keeps his hands on her shoulders and makes her look at him, whispering to her, pleading with her.

She looks down and hands him a crumpled piece of yellowed parchment. Her body begins heaving great sobs, the sound like an unimaginable force falling and ripping out your heart. James gulped and I just stared, dumbfounded. Sirius read the note and looked up at Maisy. She had her head in her hands and her hair fell over her face. He pushed it back with his hands and wiped the tears with his thumb. He watched her intently, just centimetres from her face, until even his eyes began to well-up indefinitely. Maisy shook her head and fell into his embrace. I heard Sirius tell her repeatedly,

"We'll get through this. You and me. And Lily, and James and Remus. We're here for you, sweet.

We're here. I'll always be here."

This made her sob harder, until the pain became too much for me and James. I stepped forward and took the note from Sirius' hands. He cradled her into him, stroking her hair and nuzzling into the top of her head. Scared, I opened the note. I dropped it. James stood back and picked up the note, his hand on my shoulder,

_Maisy Heart_

_Gryffindor Tower_

_Maisy, I don't know how to explain the sorrow that pains me to write this. But, you have to know. Your mother passed away this evening, after those months of pain, she's finally left us. Don't be sad, Maisy. You know she would have wanted it this way. She loved you with all her heart, don't forget that. Things will only get better. Like the blossom that fades in the winter, it always returns in the spring, a new life. I love you, Maisy. _

_Dad x_

James looked up at the Sirius, who was still gripping Maisy intently, looking as if his vice would never let go. I looked at James and we noticed the pain in each other's eyes, heard the thoughts in each other's minds. What would we do now?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_When you walk away,_

_I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much I need you right now?_

_When you're gone;_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you._

_When you're gone;_

_The face I came to know is missing too._

_When you're gone,_

_The words, I need, to hear_

_To always get me through the day_

_And make it okay..._

_I miss you._- When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne

_Maisy's POV_

I knew it was coming. I thought I was ready. I thought I'd prepared myself better than this. But the shock. The shock hit me like bricks. I knew this would happen sooner or later, but I guess the naive side of me ignored it, thinking it was all a joke, thinking it would go away. It didn't. It came. And now, it's like the world has stopped spinning. But everyone's still living?

It's Halloween, the scariest day of the year. And I am scared. Truly scared for everyone. I suck the life out of my friends, and if I'm not doing that, then I'm crying. And I've been in this dormitory for 2 days now, without food and only being force fed water by Lily. She's so worried. I see it in her apple-green eyes every time she looks at me. She tries to smile, and it reminds me of her, and I cry. She hugs me, and it reminds me of her, and I cry. Everywhere I look I'm haunted by memories of my mother and her love and compassion. Why did it have to happen? Not this way.

My father said she wanted it this way. She wanted to die in honour. In place of her studies and research. She died for the Ministry. They were selfish, oh so selfish.

The duvet is pulled up to my waist and I'm sat inside it, crossed-legged, still gripping the letter that my father had sent two nights ago. It was tear-stained now and the ink had blurred all around the edges. The most disastrous thing I'd ever been given had now transformed into my most prized possession. Funny how things work out, eh?

Suddenly, the dormitory door burst open and ricocheted against the wall with a bang! And in stumbled Lily, with Sirius on her back. She was panting and clutching her side, while he stood there brushing himself down,

"Well, thankyou, Lily. Couldn't have done it without you." He smiled. I'd missed him.

"You'd better be giving me that Galleon," she laughed. She looked over at me and winked. I stifled a giggle. Why was I happy when my mother was dead? How selfish could I possibly get?

Sirius looked over at me sadly, and pulled out a Honeydukes Chocolate Bar from his pocket. He threw it at me. I caught it and pressed out the crumpled wrapper. I looked down at myself, still in the same pyjama top and shorts from that night. My hair still pulled into a messy ponytail from that night. My eyes still sore and my lips still chapped from that night. Everything about me screamed pity and self-loathing. I loathed myself for being so happy. Being so happy at school when my own mother was _dying_ at home. Dying. Dead. Gone.

I hadn't noticed Lily leave quietly and Sirius perch on the end of my bed, sitting cross-legged and watching me, waiting for me to just, go, really.

"Please eat some of it. For me? Please." He said. He sounded so sad.

"I can't," My mother can't eat now, can she?

"You're so thin, Maisy. I'm so so worried about you. I haven't seen you since..." he trailed off. Yeah, not even he could say it. "We're _all_ worried about you. Lily's too scared to talk to you in case you starting crying again. We can't stand to see you so upset."

"So you expect me to just get over it really quickly then?" I said. Shocked that I'd snapped at him.

"No. I didn't mean that. But, you're so thin. You were doing so well. You ate, you slept, you worked. And now? Nothing! Does anything I did actually matter to you?!" More than you can imagine, Sirius.

"It's not like that." He wasn't afraid to make me feel guilty. He wasn't going to back down.

"Really? Well you're doing a poor job of showing it. Look at you Maisy! Just look at you," he said. His eyes began to swim with tears as he watched me. He blurred in my vision. No. No I wouldn't do this again. Come on Maisy. For Sirius.

"I'm stronger than you think," I croaked out.

"Well bloody show it Maisy! Show it, please." He was begging, from some deep insight I felt my heart pump for him. I felt hunger, for him. My senses seemed to return from the abyss they had been kept in.

"I can. I will." I said, unwrapping the chocolate and snapping off a piece in my hands. I looked at it. I couldn't eat this normally, what changes now?

"You know you can eat it, though. Don't you? You know you can get up. You know you can face your friends and smile at them. Hug them back, accept their sympathy. It's killing us knowing you're up here on your own, wallowing in yourself. Find that fighter inside, Maisy. I know she's in there." He said, looking up at me and smiling bravely. I'm so selfish. I jumped up and hugged him, hard. With all the strength I could justify. He held me back, tighter, if possible? My neck was wet with his tears and I realised I was crying too.

"You've always got us. We'll always be your family. Always." He said, rocking me quietly. Oh god, how this reminded me of her. I sobbed harder as he soothed me quietly, whispering in my ear, shushing noises that comforted me like a small child, not a seventeen year old.

"Now c'mon, we have a feast to go to?" Sirius said, more like asked. Could I go? Should I go? No. Jason would be there, can't face him today. Everyone would be watching. It had been in the Daily Prophet, no, I can't face that.

"I ca-an't," I said, ashamed of myself, truly.

"People? Daily Prophet?" Sometimes I swear he can read my mind.

"Yeah," I nodded sadly.

"She really was a magnificent witch," He said, smiling at me. He gripped my hand tightly. I smiled up at him.

How right he was, how right. The silence lasted a long time, and he continued to hold my hand protectively. I sighed heavily,

"I still can't believe this happened," I eventually said, quietly.

"It was an accident, Maisy," he said.

"No! No it wasn't just an accident!" I shouted, ripping my hand from his grip. He looked at my hand, pulled in by my other, being cradled in my lap.

"Then tell me. Help me understand you, Maisy," he pleaded.

"I-I.." I stopped. I could. Sirius would understand.

"Maybe you need this," he said. I need _you_.

"Okay, okay..."

_I ran off the Hogwarts' Express, straight into my mother's arms. She hugged me hard and laughed,_

"_It's so great to have you home!"_

"_Oh god, Mum, I've missed you so much!" I said, emotion thick in my voice._

"_Excuse me! What about me," a burly man in a Muggle suit straightened up beside the tall, dark-haired woman._

"_Dad!" I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck._

"_Oh, Maisy Jane I've missed you so much! Home's not the same without you." He said, putting me down and grabbing my trunk._

"_So, home-ho?" Mum said, grabbing my hand._

"_Home-ho," I agreed._

_*_

"_It's only for a couple of hours Maisy, then we'll go to Diagon Alley," she said, bursting her hair quickly and tying it up into a tight bun. Why did this always happen on the weekends? Her job was just, INFURIATING._

"_This always happens," I sulked, lounging back on the bed._

"_Maisy, please. Don't get all stroppy on me." She said harshly, pulling on a jacket and grabbing her bag._

"_Promise you'll be home by 3." I said. Not that I was up for negotiation but I hadn't seen her properly since being home for the past 3 weeks, I deserved this!_

"_I promise, okay?" she smiled, giving me a fleeting kiss on the head and leaving the bedroom, a faint air of musk left in her wake._

_All day I sat, reading my favourite Muggle novel, Pride and Prejudice in the window of my room. My room was large, cream painted with a large four-poster bed with pink and cream fluffy feather duvets and pillows. Me and Mum had picked it out last summer on a holiday to Devon, it reminded me of ice-cream and the cold sea._

_I didn't realise the sun lowering in the sky and the light fading to coral red. The sun was large and orange, disappearing behind the grand hedge that ran the length of the vast garden, reflecting in the Olympic size pool that was as still as a mill-pond. I looked up from my book and slammed it shut. Useless. It was half past six in the evening._

_I got up from the window seat and left my room, storming down the grand staircase, ivory and marble and red grandeur carpeting. I made it to the top of the central stairs and paused at the sight._

"_Bring her in hear," our motherly Housewife, Linda, said, pointing at the door to her left. The tall man, dressed in black robes carried an unconscious woman, also dressed in similar robes, into the sitting room._

"_Mum," I whispered._

_I raced down the stairs and another man turned around. My father looked at me sadly and stopped me from entering._

"_What's happened to Mum? Tell me! What's wrong?!" I cried._

"_She's had an accident at work, honey. It's fine, she's home now," he said, though his voice was trembling._

_I ran into the sitting room, passing two men in robes and collapsed in front of my mother. Her skin was ice-white and greying in parts. Her eyes were open and unblinking, a black void where her pupils should have been._

_I choked and stepped backward. Oh god, Oh god._

"_She's dead!" I screamed, backing into the corner and shrinking. "She's dead!"_

"_Not yet," said the tallest of the men._

"_What?" I said, not believing what this man was saying. "What did you say about my mother?"_

"_I said, not yet. She's dy-ing." He said, leaving the room._

_I jumped up and followed him, pulling at his robes. "What did you people do to her. What did you DO TO HER."_

"_Maisy! Please!" Linda sobbed into her apron._

"_It was an accident. When you're an Unspeakable, your life is always at risk. Your mother took that risk. And that risk has saved our world. She was trying to leave too soon. She was doing everything so fast. She said she had to leave early, so she detoured the equation, tried to manoeuvre the whole operation – and this is the consequence." He said, glaring at me and opening the front door, nodded gravely to my father, and left._

"_An Unspeakable? All this time and you _never_ once thought to _tell me!_" I cried, looking at my dad in disgust._

"_These were your mother's wishes Maisy," he started._

"_My mother's wishes? She dying, Dad. She's going to die because of this. She promised, she promised to be home by 3. She promised..." and I collapsed onto the floor, sobbing and heaving noisily, suppressing the urge not to scream out loud and curse and cry. I sobbed for hours, maybe days but not once did the look of her dead eyes not scare me, and freak me into more tears of grievance._

_*_

"_I love you, Mum," I said, dipping down to her and kissing her cheek softly. She still smelt of musk. The cold of her skin didn't worry me now, just the look in her eyes. I closed them softly and sobbed. "I'm going now, Mum. I don't think you'll see me again. So, if you're worried when I'm gone and Dad won't read to you, just remember all those times we stayed up late in the den, watching all of those cheesy films. Or the time we played guitar in the back garden until the sun dipped so low that the crickets over-whelmed the noise. Or the time when..." _

_I had started to cry. Great, heavy sobs that pulled at my heart strings._

"_I miss you so much, Mum. This wasn't fair. You didn't deserve this. Just wake up? Please wake up." I shook her softly, pulling at the clothes she'd been dressed in. _

"_Mum, if you love me you'll wake up okay? Just, wake up. Stop pretending and wake up."_

_I heard a cry from the doorway. Linda was stood, cradling herself awkwardly as she watched on._

"_Make her wake up Linda!" I cried. "Make her wake up."_

_She looked on at me sadly and left the room quietly._

"_Mum, please don't leave me. Please don't leave us. We can't live without you. I can't go on without you, Mum."_

_She lay still and silent, the only thing alive about her was the quiet beating of her heart. It had weakened so much in the 4 weeks that she had been here._

_I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and sniffed, touching her hand and gripping it tightly. I kissed it multiple times. "I love you Mum, don't ever forget that. Don't you _ever _forget that. I'll see you soon Mum. You take care, okay? You stay strong for me, and I'll be back. Four months and I'll be back. You can do four months, right? That's not long."_

_There was no answer. Her heart shaped lips were sealed shut as if cemented into place._

"_You promise okay? You promise me four months. And I'll come back and we'll play those guitars again, we'll watch _more _cheesy films, we'll make real popcorn and go on that trip to Holyhead."_

_Still no answer. Nothing._

"_You were meant to be there when I first got my heart broken," I whispered. Furious, I stood up. "You were meant to be there with me to pick out my wedding dress. You were meant to be there when I had my first child. You were meant to be there when my children grew up. You were meant to be there. You're meant to be here!" I spat at her from across the room. I paused. No reaction._

"_I'm sorry, Mum." I said, opening the door to leave. "But I'm going now. Seriously going. This is your last hope." Her eyes remained shut and her body remained immobile. I sobbed._

"_Fine! Have it your way!" I cried, running from the room, from the house and disapparating into thin air, finding myself tugged at the navel and sobbing in a familiar room._

"_Maisy, you're early," Lily said from her bed, putting down the fashion magazine she had been skimming through. She got up at the sight of me. I paused and steadied myself,_

"_Mum's dying, and it's all my fault."_

Sirius was watching me. I was crying now, even harder than before. Sobs that filled the room with emotion. Sobs that grieved for my mother and grieved for my stupidity. All my fault, all my fault. Sirius got up and pulled me into his chest. I was here more than anywhere else, recently.

"It wasn't your fault," he said.

"Yes. Yes it was," I sobbed.

"No, it wasn't. Don't blame yourself Maisy," he struggled with the words. I had choked out the final part of my story, disgusted with myself. The last words I ever said to my mother. I was a brat.

"No, she was unlucky. Her death just proves how strong she was, she fought it. You can fight this. I know you can," he said, pulling his hands through my hair which had tumbled down my back during the course of the night. I inhaled his smell and relaxed into him. This was Sirius.

"Sirius," I said glancing at the window.

"_Maisy_," he whispered, pulling himself into me and kissing my neck softly. My body seemed to melt into his. My legs had turned to jelly from underneath me. I pulled away, unsure of it. Unsure of everything.

"I can't," I stuttered, pushing my fringe back and touching my jaw.

"I know you can't, he smiled, kissing my hand instead and placing both of his on mine. "But you have to understand, I'm always gunna be here for you. Everyday. Sun or snow, wind or rain – I'll always be here. And you? You'll always be here," he said, bringing my hand to rest on his chest above his heart. My stomach flipped and butterflies fluttered around my ribcage.

"Sirius, _please._" I begged. Please, don't. I can't do this. Not now. This is Sirius. _The guy you see every day? Walks you to lessons? Soothes you when you're down? Helps you sleep and eat and be normal? _Shutup conscience. _You love him._ Do not. _Do too, admit it Maisy. _No.

"I know. I know, I'm sorry. I'll just, go then. Yeah, I'll go," he said, getting up and pulling open the oak door. "Sleep tight Maisy." He smiled.

I fell back onto my pillows in disgust with myself. I'm such an idiot.

"What would you have done, Mum?"

Underneath me, something crinkled as I moved. I pushed my hand underneath my back and picked up the piece of parchment. One of them was that note. And the other was small and folded neatly. I opened it, worried about it's contents.

_Always, _it said. I smiled at the boyish scribble and folded in back in half, placing it against my own heart.

**Always**, I thought.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_When I look in your eyes  
I can feel the butterflies  
I love you when you're blue  
Tell me darlin' true  
What am I to you_ - What am I to you? by Norah Jones

_Sirius' POV_

I closed the door quietly behind me and exhaled slowly. Painful. God that was- exactly how I knew it would be. You'd think I'd be annoyed or put off, but watching Maisy open up so easily and melt into me was like watching ice thaw from snowbells. It was miraculous.

I turned around and lent against the door. I could hear footsteps on the echoic staircase, and watched as Lily bobbed into view, looking incredibly happy for someone who's best friend was beyond depressed. Each to her own!

"How is she?" she asked quietly, unsure of whether Maisy would be listening.

"Well.. She's okay. She spoke at least, and she took some of the chocolate." I managed. Do I tell Lily?

"I brought her some pumpkin pie as well. It's her favourite," she smiled sadly, looking at the napkin wodge in her hand.

"Lily.. I.." she'd understand though, right?

"Sirius... What did you do?" she enquired, looking at me doubtfully, her hand on the latch to the dormitory.

"I-I told her." I spat out. Damn. Oh god, oh Lily please don't hit me. I gritted my teeth. She looked at me and titled her head to the side.

"You told her you loved her?" she said.

"Urrr- not exactly..." Damn. I hadn't actually said that.

"Wooh," Lily said, relaxing drastically. "Thank god for that, I can't deal with anymore tears tonight!"

"You think it would upset her that much?" I said. Would it? Really?

"Honestly? Yes. No-one's ever been as forward as you are to her. She loves you Sirius, that much is obvious. But I don't know what kind of love it is," she said, biting her lip. "Well, night then."

"Yeah, night Lily." I said. Friend love? Love love? _Brotherly_ love? Ugh, frustrating. I ratted my hair and burst into the boys' dormitory, grabbing my pyjama bottoms and quickly dressing down into them. Bare-chested, I walked over to my bed and led down, staring at the ceiling and the scarlet hangings around the bed frame. Thinking. Just thinking.

Maisy. God I was so stupid. Why did I do that? I kissed her for Merlin's sake! Why! _Why why why?! _ Now she was gunna be completely freaked out. She won't come out of that room. If she did, it would be another miracle. OH GOD. THE NOTE. I actually left her that note. Not that I didn't mean it! Of course I meant it, forever and always. I couldn't imagine a life without Maisy Heart anymore. I couldn't remember a happy time before Maisy became the centre of my affection. Cliché, but true. Falling in love is complicated stuff. Central to the discussion in my head, James and Remus burst in, shock etched into their faces.

"YOU MISSED THE FEAST!" James shouted.

"Yeah I know, sorry mate," I mumbled. Shit.

"But, you MISSED the FEAST!" he continued to scream.

"James, chill, he doesn't look great..." Remus said.

"THAT'S COS HE MISSED THE FEAST!" James said, clutching his heart. "I need to sit down..."

I laughed, what a joke.

"Sirius?" James said, looking up from the floor.

"Yes James?"

"You missed the feast."

" I know." And I wasn't bitter. Woah.

"It was a feast."

"I know James."

"Double the amount of normal food."

"I know..."

"Punch!"

"I know James, I..."

"PUMPKIN PIE!"

"I KNOW!"

"Sirius, mate, I feel so sorry for you it's unreal." He laughed.

Great.

"Sirius – you alright?" Remus said, re-entering the room with a toothbrush forged in his mouth.

"I feel, light." I said, my mood feeling almost happy in a twisted kind of way.

"So you finally spoke to Maisy?!" James shrieked, clapping his hands in delight.

"Chill out, Flipper. She actually spoke to me. About her mum. It's awful, guys. Like a true nightmare," I said, shaking my head and imagining the look of Maisy's mother led there, cold and grey like a marble statue.

"She spoke to you?" Remus said, his toothbrush falling with a clatter to the floor, fluoride froth floating across the room.

"Yeah, like, really heart-felt and deep. She was amazing." I smiled. How sick was I? Happy that the girl I loved had spoken up about the most horrific incident of her life? _You didn't deserve to go to that feast, did you? _Thanks conscience. You always put life into perspective.

"So, how is she?" said Remus after a rather long silence. I twisted in my bed and pulled my hands to rest underneath my pillow.

"Honestly? I have no idea."

*

I hate Sundays. Truly frickin' hate them. The bastards creep up on you after a nice Saturday and threaten you with homework and revision and an early night. Eugh. Bloody Sundays.

I'm sat in the library with a large dusty book propped open in front of me. I'm actually writing notes and getting some work done. Yes, me! Working. Maisy would usually be with me but she's decided to pack now before she leaves for home this evening. It's the funeral tomorrow. Lily said she'd go with her, and I'm so thankful.

_Postmen or postwomen are most commonly found at around 7:30 in the morning, trailing the Muggle streets laden with envelopes and packages. Muggles send these to each other to communicate. They post their letter into a postbox (see diagram) which is then collected once a day. Once sorted, each letter is transferred to a different area of the country by a train. Overnight, the trains arrive..._

Suddenly, an overwhelming smell of perfume and face-powder crowded around me. I actually gagged. Ha. I looked up and saw the seventh year Ravenclaw girls in all their glory. All four of them stood in front of the table with their work in bags by their side. They all beamed at me simultaneously as I looked up from my notes. I placed why hands underneath my shin, smiled and said,

"Ladies." Acknowledging each of them in turn. I didn't dislike them, they were just... Very, very forward.

"Sirius," Ruby seemed to purr. She was stood at the front of the group, mahogany locks falling in curls below her chest with a royal blue ribbon tied like an alice band across her head. She smiled at me again and took a seat, her bare legs crossed to her side, left in my perfect line of sight. Sneaky. Her chocolate eyes were still boring into mine when the blonde girl to her left cleared her throat loudly.

"Okay Shellby, just chill, okay?" she huffed, pushing her hair back and turning round to face me again, still smiling. Jesus. Was she bipolar or something?

"What brings you ladies to the library on such a fine day," I said, indicating to the paned window that was splattered with cold lashings of rain. They giggled. Oh Christ. Giggling.

"Homework, just some Muggle Studies, you know..." Ruby said opening her book to the identical page of mine. "I don't get it though."

"I'm sure Shellby can help you. We all know how intelligent she is," I said, winking at Shellby, who blushed crimson, her blue eyes twinkling. She pushed her blonde hair behind her ears, just like Maisy did when she was nervous. Note to self, stop dazzling women.

"No, I, urrr, don't think she can..." she said, turning to Shellby who backed down easily and left with her two friends, whose names I didn't even know. Shame. Ah well.

"I think you can do it. It's only notes." Girls always do this I swear? Ambush you with lesson problems? Maisy never did. I offered her help. Hey, Ruby, am I offering? No.

"True, I guess so," she said, sighing and looking back down at the book, pouting. Ugh, superficial superficial superficial.

"Well, I'm off then," I said, slamming my book shut and getting up quickly. "I'll see you around." I said, not really meaning it. But she was in Muggle Studies. Yay. Fun times. And no Maisy. Double yay.

"Urm Sirius!" she called to me. I turned around reluctantly.

"What's wrong _now _Ruby?" I said, exasperated to be frank.

"Well you know Hogsmeade weekend is next weekend..." Yeah I did, I was planning on asking Maisy.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"I was wondering if you would consider going with me?" she said, eyes bright and slightly nervous. I bit my lip hesitantly. I really hated upsetting girls.

"I'm sorry I can't. I'm already going with people." I said, shrugging my shoulders. She visibly sagged. "But thankyou!" I added hastily. "That's given my ego quite a boost today." I smiled at her. She gave me a watery smile back. Damn damn damn.

"O-okay, no problem," she said, picking up her book and walking away quickly, not even bothering to say goodbye? Rude.

"Bye then!" I said to myself. Jesus, people were so freaking weird these days.

*

At around 5 I decided to leave the library, after writing up enough notes. I walked into the Gryffindor common room and found it crowded with us seventh years. James and Remus were sat playing Exploding Snap by the window on that spindly table, Ava and Lea were talking very quietly on the squishy sofa and Lily and Maisy were stood by their luggage with their travelling cloaks on, looking around shiftily. Lily pounced on me as I entered the room.

"There you are! Christ we didn't think you were ever gunna show up!" she hit me playfully and gave me a wry smile. Maisy looked up and smiled, her smile lacking any sense of emotion really, just an upturned mouth. I smiled back easily, brushing my hands through my hair.

"So, we'll be back on Tuesday morning, just before lessons start, so we won't be gone long," Lily said, hugging Ava and Lea goodbye, pausing at James and giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder. He jumped up and engulfed her in a bear hug, lifting her off of her feet. She laughed and jumped off of him, hugging Remus briefly. James' eyes were wide and exultant.

"Yeah James, I'll miss you too," she laughed mirthfully.

Maisy tittered on the edge of walking towards us and stopped, looked down at her hands and inhaled deeply. I walked over instinctively and wrapped my arms around her, and whispered softly in her ear,

"Talk to Lily."

She looked up at me and nodded. It was true, she needed someone besides me. I wasn't a girl, I couldn't always be around. She choked out a small 'goodbye' that everyone heard, miraculously. She picked up a handle of glittering green dust, stood quietly in the hearth and muttered, 'home.'

Lily coughed as the dust expanded around the room and picked up her own handle of Floo powder.

"Owl me!" James yelled from his lounging position.

"Bet on it," she giggled. Oh god this was just... Ugh.

"Lily wait!" I shouted over the hustle in the common room.

"What now, Sirius?" she said, obviously wanting to leave sooner rather than later.

"Just, look after my Heart, okay? I've left her with you."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_It ain't hard to see  
Who you are underneath  
I'm still in love with who I wish you were  
And I wish you were here_- Wish you were Here, Kate Voegele

_Maisy's POV_

It's surreal. Watching a wicker casket, threaded with lilies, glide slowly down the church aisle. Watching it pause on a marble platform. Then watching it disappear silently. Then realising that it's your own mother.

It only hit me as the casket began to disappear, flower by flower. The sun seemed to peep from behind the winter clouds briefly and shine brightly on the wicker, burning away the shadow of the ominous room and casting rainbow flecks of light across the space through the stained glass. My whole body seemed to stiffen and an alien gasp burst from my lips. There were witches in dark robes crying softly who turned and stared at me, their eyes full of pity. Lily grasped my left hand. Dad grasped my right hand. And then I fell. Fell into the deepest, darkest pit I had ever seen. Full of nothing, brimming with alone – it was like the real world, but seeing it through a looking glass.

In fairytales, Alice falls through the looking glass and enters the most magical of worlds. Full of mythical cats, extinct creatures and impossible possibles. My looking glass was like looking into my life, in the overcast gloom of England. The rooms were dark, everyone's faces were faded and blurred and just looking through the glass made your heart twist and turn and pump so violently that it becomes hard to breath and impossible to stop it from affecting your legs, your heaving chest and your eyes; which have now completely overwhelmed themselves with cascades of salty tears, enough to fill an ocean of emotion. It wasn't my idea of a magical looking glass. It was a looking glass I had promised to smash and forget.

But there was no forgetting the pain that swept over my body as the foot of the casket disappeared forever behind the onyx curtains. Wretched noises bubbled up from inside me and bellowed like a tortured woman, echoing around the four walls, not even interrupting the perdurable singing of the larks that swept the skies above the church. I was not aware of anything or anyone. Somehow, through instinct, my hands reached my mouth and covered it tightly, waning the wails that were still fighting the barrier. Suddenly, I was out of the stone seat, being pulled from the church in a whirlwind of black and hand shaking. Then, there was green.

The green blared up into my eyes and made me feel dizzy. There were still hands around my shoulders. And there were still tears falling gradually down my face, seeping into my satin dress and spreading like a disease. Like a disease in the brain. Like mum's finally frontier. The green then reminded me of her eyes and her love of summer, gardens, trees, emeralds – everything to do with the colour green was everything to do with mum. The green drew me into it, impaling me with soft spikes of the grass, my knees covered in the vicious stains. Then, a flash of auburn ringlets and creamy skin – Lily sat down in front of me, cross-legged on the lawn and pulled my chin up slowly.

"Maisy," she said, her voice catching when she looked straight at me. Was I that horrifying? That awful? Her own eyes began to fill with moisture and I wished she would stop.

"You just look so sad," she said, in answer to the questions in my head.

"I know," I said, though my voice was foreign to me, coming out in a raspy whisper that belonged to a deathly frail woman. Not a teenager.

"I promised I'd look after you!" she cried, touching my hand and gripping it like a vice. "It's me and you, Maisy. Best friends, 'til the very end, okay? If you're sad, I'm sad! If you're happy, I'm happy. And I think you're doubting everything and anything! – but I promise, I'm always gunna be here. With you. Until the world stops spinning and the stars stop shining. You don't need to doubt anything. You'll be fine, I'll be fine, everything will be fine. You're the best part of me, Maisy. Please, come back? Please just come back." She was rocking slightly and crying even harder. She looked so absent, so helpless. But everything wouldn't be fine. The world had just lost one of its group. It had just been fragmented and broken up. The world, through my looking glass, had ended. But somehow the sun was still shining, the grass was still growing and Lily was still crying... Lily was _still_ crying?

It was like the black clouds had vanished and the eye of the storm had settled above us – letting in the sunlight through such a tragedy, such a disaster. I gripped her hands back and she stopped crying, instantly, and looked up at me. I smiled, wide and proud, proud of my best friend. Her battle with the sombre doppelganger of me had paid off. The imposter had indeed been infiltrated and beaten back into the corner of my bodily make-up, and would stay there.

I threw my arms around Lily and beamed happily, laughing lightly. She hugged me back and we smiled and cried and smiled some more. Like old times. Like before the incident. As if we'd carried on form where we'd left off.

"Best friends," I agreed, nodding my head seriously, but jesting. She laughed.

"Til the very end," she said, holding out her pinky finger, which I wrapped with my own. A promise that would _never_ be broken.

*

"Linda, you know you're like, god!" Lily managed, through mouthfuls of crumbling cookie. She smiled apologetically at the mess.

"Why thank you, hun," she smiled from behind the stove in her thick Welsh accent, mixing a large bowl of batter.

I looked over at Lily from where I'd propped myself on the kitchen side. We'd decided to stay longer than the days of the funeral, just being home gave me the feeling of contentment that I wanted to build up before the hustle and bustle of school and Christmas and end of term exams. Fantastic.

"So Lily, do tell me about this _James_ that Maisy has informed me of," she said slyly from inside the pantry. Lily shot me a glare and threw the rest of her macaroon at me. Wasteful child! And I hate macaroons.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she huffed quietly.

"By the raspberry ripple going on in those cheeks I'd say you do, duckie!" Linda smiled, wiping her hands on her apron and chuckling.

"Well at least I can own up to it now, I guess.." she trailed off. "But I don't see _Maisy_ informing us of her dirty little secret!"

"Dirty little secret?" I repeated. Was she talking about Sirius.

"He told me he told you." Lily said simply, chewing on another macaroon. Another one.

"Told me..?" Was I that stupid? What had he said?

"That he loved you. He told you he loved you? Surely you would remember something as big as that!?" she coughed, choking on a surprisingly hard piece of her macaroon. Haha, karma.

"Maisy?! You've been holding out of me," Linda pouted, putting her hands on her hips. She walked over to me and gripped me fiercely. "Tell me who he is or I will have to torture you." She said simply. I laughed.

"It's no big deal Linda..."

"Yes it is!" Lily choked. Cheers Lil, reaaaally smooth.

"Do I have to tickle you in the kidneys? Really? Are we not more mature than that?" Linda said, raising her eyebrows and sighing dramatically.

"Never!" I cried, wriggling in her grip, laughing and crying.

"Tell me, Maisy!" she kept repeating.

"Never! No!" I kept shouting back, giggling and writhing on the floor now, squeaking around on the lino covering.

"Okay Okay Okay!" I gave in, breathing heavily and sitting opposite Linda on the floor. She was backed against the fridge and I was backed against the aged aga.

"Spill the beans, honey," she said, her eyes crinkling in the corners from years of wisdom and laughter. My nanny, my house keeper, my respectable second mother.

"He's in my year, a Gryffindor. He's been tutoring me that's all. I kinda forgot he even, you know, said that stuff." I said, pulling at my hair and twisting it nonchalantly in my fingers. He'd actually said that hadn't he. He'd left me that note! _That note..._

"So! Who is he?!" she said, anticipation thick in her throat. She looked fit to burst. Barmy!

"Sirius. Sirius Black." I said, smiling, not being able to help myself. Lily giggled and clapped enthusiastically from the stool above us.

I looked at Linda who seemed to have stopped, stock still. Her lips were thin and drawn as wide as a pencil line, pursed so hard they seemed to elevate an ominous white colour.

"Linda..?" I said. She glanced up at me, fire in her eyes, and an anger I had never seen before.

"Black!" she spat.

"Urm.. Yeah? I'm, urm.. sorry?" I faltered, stumbling over my words. What the _hell?!_

"Sirius Black. Son of Arcadeus Black? Are you joking, Maisy?" she hissed.

"What? What's _wrong_ Linda?" I nearly shouted, exasperated with her lack of understanding. What had I done? Why had she gone mental.

"Arcadeus Black, is the reason your mother ended up in that be-be-eautiful c-c-casket!" she wept noisily, choking on her words. "He backfired the whole oper-a-a-ation. It's his fault. He's a mmu-mu-urderer!" she cried, running from the room in haste and slamming the door behind her. I heard her storm the stairs and retreat to her own room. I could still hear her tears from the floor below.

One again, the darkness inside seem to filter out through my eyes, my mouth - my whole body radiated the darkness. I looked over at Lily, who looked scared; scared beyond description. But I couldn't see Lily as my best friend and I couldn't picture Sirius, or lazy days to come with him, or growing old with him, or ever being in love with him. The looking glass has re-pieced itself and come to rest like permanent spectacles on the bridge of my nose, blocking the real world from my view. Sirius was right, it wasn't my fault my mother was dead. It was his.

*

I knocked the door quietly with my fist clenched. I could hear creaking of the old floorboards and sniffing as Linda came to the door and opened it slowly. She looked at me. But it felt as if she was looking into me – into my head, into my heart, into my soul. She sighed and looked down at your feet.

"Arcadeus was here the night your mother came home..." she said wistfully, trying to gather herself together. I immediately knew the man she was talking about. The tall man, with dark hair and penetrating eyes. He seemed to live in a shadow, he looked so dark. "Your mother was a great women. And that, that Black killed her."

She blew her nose into a flowered handkerchief, and put her hand on my shoulder, smiling. "But don't worry – I won't tell your father. You just keep away from that Sirius boy. Your mother would want it that way. Yes, she would want it that way." Linda hiccoughed. "You're going back now, I hear?"

I looked up, eyes red. Yes, but I don't want to. Ever.

"Yeah, school. Exams and such. But I'll be home again in a month."

"Home's never the same without you, duckie." She said sadly. "Especially with your mother gone as well. It's so silent here, all of the time."

"It's not too long. I promise I'll come home, I'll come home this time." I said. "I know I should have stayed. Mum would still be alive. She'd still be here fi I'd stayed and talked her through everything. She was getting better.."

"She was never going to get better, Maisy."

"Yes! Yes she was! I felt it! She was getting warmer and her heartbeat was still strong when I left!.." I started to cry again. I did wish I'd stayed home with Mum. Seen her through her final days. Too late now. Two months too late.

"I have something for you," Linda said, hurrying inside her room. I looked inside at the simple quilted bed and rocking chair. It smelt so homely in here. I wanted to curl up under the covers and stay young forever, cocooned in the safety of Linda's room. She returned with a small black box. A jewellery box. She handed it to me, and wrapped her hands around mine, we both held the box together.

"She would have wanted it this way," she said simply. I opened the box and gasped at what was led in the black velvet. A white gold necklace, balancing a perfect sapphire, embedded in more white gold, off of its centre. The chain was fine, the links entwining around each other like natural vines. Hot tears bled from my eyes again as I picked the necklace out of its bed and handled the jewel tenderly. Mother's engagement necklace. How petty she thought of rings! "Ugly things!" she would say, "just a nuisance when I'm writing or using my wand. No, I'd much prefer something special and on show to the world." She would smile proudly and let me try the necklace on, pretending I was the grown-up princess, the one with the fairytale prince and grand castle. Mother was in love even in the final days of her life, Dad had given her the necklace over twenty years ago, and she always looked at it in admiration whenever she caught herself in a mirror. And now, it was mine?

But I wasn't like mother. I wasn't grown-up or independent or happy! I was selfish and young and ridden with inexplicable guilt over the one boy, the one boy who I'd thought I could love forever. For forever and a day. Someone who I knew would keep me safe and love me and treat me like a queen. But things had changed. People change. I'd let Sirius enter my world and life and head. He knew things about me that not even Lily would understand. He knew when I was sad, when I was nervous. He knew when to expect tears; he knew when to expect tantrums. Sirius was; just Sirius. The one person I couldn't possibly live without – but had to. The thought of it encircled my throat and made it harder to breathe, caught my heart and squeezed it fit to burst. But petty teenage love, over the love of a mother? Sirius' father had _murdered_ her! What was I thinking? How could I love someone so treacherous, and he had _lied_ to me! He hadn't even told me about his father. He'd been keeping it from me!

"Want me to put it on for you?" Linda said, snapping me out of my reverence and taking the chain. She lifted up my hair and clasped the link together. "There," she said, patting my hair back down. "You look, beautiful. Just like your mother. She'd be so proud."

I smiled up at her and hugged her hard. She returned the hug and I cried quietly into her house coat. God, I didn't want to leave.

"Dumbledore will be upset if I keep you here any longer." She laughed, pushing the hair out of my eyes. She kissed my forehead and pushed me along. "Now go! Gosh. And study hard!" she said, still laughing.

I walked down the stairs, pausing at the same point from that night. Shake the feeling, shake the feeling.

"We're gunna be late!" Lily shouted at me. She was handing a small letter to an owl.

"Lily, seriously?" I said, giving her the eye and looking at the poor owl.

"He told me to owl him!" she said, letting the owl fly out through the open window. She shut it hastily because of the November chill.

"Yeah, but not every 5 minutes!" I said. She was so in love. "Admit it, you love him!"

"I.. I.. Is that stupid of me? Should I just, give my heart away like that?" she said, biting her lip. Awh Lily.

"You're so scared, aren't you?" I said.

"I don't want to be another notch on his bedpost."

"Lily, you're gunna be the reason he wakes up in the morning. You're his forever." Everyone could tell. James looked at Lily like a man in awe. He worshipped her. He loved her beyond words, and now she finally reciprocated the love, his was going to increase even more, burst through the Gryffindor tower and erupt through the school grounds. Nobody would be safe from James Potter's happiness. No one.

"Maisy?"

"Yes, Lily?" C'mon! SAY IT!

"I really do, urm, you know.. Like him." She said, biting her lip.

"And..."

"Okay fine! I love him! I bloody love him! There, happy?" I looked at how ecstatic she looked and how her emotion lit up her pretty features.

"Tell James that," I said, but my voice was raspy again. Tears had already started to track my face. Lily was in love. Lily was _allowed_ to be in love. And I, I was so inevitably in love, so so in love with Sirius. But...

"Maisy? Hey, c'mon! You'll see Sirius soon, and this week will be, like it never happened!" she said, grabbing my luggage and putting it by the fire. Like it _never_ happened?!

"LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED? MY MOTHER IS DEAD BECAUSE OF HIM! DO YOU KNOW HOW I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW? DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO WANT SOMEONE SO MUCH, SO MUCH THAT IT BURNS EVERYTIME YOU THINK OF THEM – BUT THEN FIND OUT YOU CAN'T WANT THEM? LET ALONE LOVE THEM?!"

"Maisy, please..."

"Don't! Sirius is nothing to me, okay? Nothing!" I yelled, crying even harder at the lies pouring from my mouth. Poisoning Lily's mind; but she wasn't stupid.

"Don't lie to me, Maisy. I know you better than that. You love him." She said, touching my shoulder and wrapping her long arms around me. "You really think Linda's got it right? Your mother would want you to be _happy_, not miserable!"

"She would want me happy, yes. But not with her murderer's son!"

"Sirius hasn't spoken to his family for a long time, I doubt he even knew anything about your mother's death or whether his father was working that night. He hates them, Maisy."

"That's not the point. Arcadeus' blood runs through Sirius. What if Sirius is as dark and evil as him? What if he's been lying to us all for years! And nobody's even seen it!" I cried, all thoughts of Sirius making me feel deflated and empty inside.

"But..."

"There's no but about it!"

"But you need him, Maisy. Everybody needs somebody to love them."

"No. No, I won't do this to my father, or Linda, or my mother. Sirius Black is nothing to me, nothing! And you do not breathe a word of this to him, you here? We just won't be friends. He'll get over me." I breathed heavily and dropped Lily from my grip, grabbed a handful of Floo powder and walked into the hearth. As the room disappeared from view I swear I heard Lily whisper,

"But will you get over him?"

*

I walked through the common room with Lily leading the way. She walked straight past James, who sat up quickly as she walked past. He looked up at me and winked, happy to have us home, and happy about Lily, I was sure. The wink was a 'I'm-so-in-there-aren't-I?' kind of wink. I nodded shyly at him and he beamed. He got up and gave Lily a gentle hug, she rested her head into his neck then pulled away. "Later," I heard her say.

Remus was sitting at the spindly table, noticing our entrance, he looked up and waved. He had a large star chart out in front of him and was dabbing clumsily at the spilled ink that had just toppled over as he waved. I smiled. It was weird seeing Remus so unorganised. Gosh, these boys _had_ faltered in our absence.

Then I saw Sirius. He was reading a book on the couch and had put it down on his chest. He just looked at me, grey eyes twinkling, and my breath caught in my throat. He raised his eyebrows at me and gave me a coy smile. My heart seethed and my brain swerved me in auto-pilot towards him. He was the most inviting person in the whole room, the one person who I could seriously understand. But I stopped. I refrained. I gave him a look of pure distaste and swept from the room, slipping on the stairs slightly and bursting into the dormitory where I collapsed on the oak floor, heavy sobs jumping from my chest. Lily placed a hand on my back and rubbed it slowly. I was sick with myself. How could I have done that to Sirius? How would I do this to him. But it's for mum, it's for mum. I had to keep reminding myself. It's for mum.

"We'll get through this." She whispered.

But even she looked apprehensive. I burst into fresh sobs in pure panic and fear. For every girl who had ever lived and ever would live; knew that nothing, nothing in existence, could heal a broken heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_I wanna feel the car crash  
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside  
I wanna let go and know  
That I'll be alright, alright _- Car Crash by Matt Nathanson

_Sirius' POV_

Two weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. 20160 minutes. 1209600 seconds. It's a long time. When you've lived and breathed a certain person for months on end, then communication has stopped altogether? It's like being a heroin addict for most of your life, then going cold turkey for no apparent reason. It's painful. It's indescribable. It's impossible.

Conversations with friends have been like a renowned author with writers block. You're talking and laughing and gesticulating and then, BAM! Nothing. At all. And you can't physically describe the nothing, because it's obviously something, but that something is now nothing. People get worried and het up, they want your new book so badly, or in my case, my sense of humour and fabulous wit – but still, that something has created a nothing.

To put it straight, I feel dead on the inside, numb and skeletal – right to the core.

Maisy came back from the funeral a couple of weeks ago, and she hasn't said a civil word to me since her return. I tell her I love her, and she freezes me out? Did I do something bad? I left her alone, didn't owl her, let her breathe – was that the wrong thing to do?

At dinner and in lessons, I see Lily talking to Maisy in hushed voices, then I see her glance over at me, almost apologetically. I wish I could understand it all, decode their thoughts. Just understanding would dull the pain I feel every time I see her enter a room. Or every time I smell her perfume – or even someone else who's wearing her perfume! Or every time I hear her voice, usually from a distance, but my ears have become deviously accustomed to tuning into anything she says, even from yards away – my whole body craves for Maisy to come back into my life.

She's like sunshine, or oxygen or water – miraculous in every form, but impossible to live without. And I don't know what to do. I'm just sat in the Common Room, duly watching James and Remus play Exploding Snap. I'm actually pretty sure my face is covered in ash at this point…

"So…" James says as he finishes off the pile of cards, exploding them in Remus' face. "Taking Ava to the ball, Remus?"

Remus smiled, through wiping soot from his eyes. "Yeah, she's finally talking to me, after I eventually managed to convince her that I do _not_ fancy Mai…"

James sent him a scathing look and turned to me. I was listening, and watching – but somehow I can't retaliate.

"Enough of that!" James grinned, leaning back on his chair. "I've asked Lily."

"You're joking!" Remus said. "Poor girl, she's had to turn down so many people this year…"

"What dyu mean, 'turn down'? She said yes!" he smiled, his pearly whites on display.

"Are you sure she didn't say no but you _heard_ a yes?" Remus said.

"Nope, she definitely said yes, and even sealed the deal with a promise…" he winked. I actually choked back a laugh.

"SIRIUS. You're alive. QUICK REMUS, ASK HIM THINGS YOU WANTED TO WHILE HE'S HERE – HE'LL ONLY BE HERE FOR A FEW MINUTES. Time is so precious…" he mocked. Dick.

"I'm always here." I said. Woah, not many words, but more than one syllable. I'm recovering.

"No mate, you're really not." Remus said.

"We're worried, Padfoot. Seriously worried…" James added, biting his lip.

"Nothing to be worried about gents, I'm as fit as a fiddle." I managed a crooked smile.

"Then how come you didn't pull the 'Sirius' joke with what I just said? How come you didn't laugh when Remus got owned in snap 8 times? How come you didn't even look up when I jinxed Malfoy's spoon to snap at his nose at breakfast this morning? If this is you here mate, then I dread to think what you're like when you're not here." James said. His expression was coherent and sympathetic. Remus wasn't smiling.

"It's all such a mess." I said.

"We don't get it either," said Remus, pondering. He put his hand to his jaw – just like Maisy does when she's nervous.

"Remus, please, put your hand down." I didn't want to imagine her with my friends as well as everywhere else.

"Sorry."

"Sirius, what did you do?" James said. I was about to speak, DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING IF I KNEW?, but James carried on. "I know it's a sore subject, we haven't brought it up. But we know something's wrong. Something bad. Ever since Maisy went to the funeral. You were gunna tell her you loved her. Take her to the ball. Live forever, a gaily entwined couple! And now, zero tolerance of each other? Just talk to us."

"One, it was after I told her I loved her. Which she didn't really respond to. And I left her an idiot note on her bed, and she hasn't mentioned that. She comes home and more silence. Two, if I knew, don't you think I would have done something about this?! And three, it's not zero tolerance on each other! It's her. She wont even look me in the eyes anymore. I don't understand it. I told her I loved her, seriously loved her. I'd do anything for her. I've helped her through everything these past months, and now I'm being frozen out. It's the worst feeling in the whole fucking world." Major woah at how much I'd spoken.

"She wouldn't just do this for no reason," Remus said.

"What would you know!" I snapped. Rude yes, but what did he know about Maisy!?

"I was her friend for a longer period than you, remember? She was never the malevolent type…"

"Maybe Lily knows." James said.

"I was gunna talk to her myself, but Maisy's always with her. It's like they don't separate anymore. Lily's taken on my roll as well, keeping Maisy out of harm or any kind of shit that goes on here."

"Yeah, she nearly had an angina attack this morning when Jason asked her to the ball.." James said.

WHAT?

"WHAT?" I think I shouted, because all of the first years ran up the steps to their dormitory. I stood up and began to pace in front of the fire.

"Urm, Jason asked her before Muggle Studies. You were _there_, Sirius." Remus said, shaking his head. "Crikey, you've got it bad."

"Oh for fuck sake." I'm pissed off.

"You're much prettier Sirius! And I'm sure you have the nicer broomstick." James jeered. Of course, hilarious. "She didn't even answer him, she just burst into tears instead I think…"

"How have you even had time to talk to Lily through all this?" I asked.

"Oh, the wonders of an Invisibility Cloak," he mused.

Then, Maisy walked in through the portrait. Lily linked arms with her and continued straight to the staircase. Not even a blink in my direction. Though Lily did turn around before embarking the stairs to smile at James. Ugh, love! Bullshit to be honest.

Okay that's such a lie.

Major lie, actually, it's the best feeling in the whole damn world.

Maybe I should transfigure myself into a robot? No feelings for me. I smiled.

"What _are_ you doing?" Remus asked, laughing.

"Imagining myself as an emotionless robot." No point lying, is there?

"Oh." Remus said, stifling his laughter. James laughed too.

"Hey, shutup. You both have requited loves! Mine _is_ out there, she's just, unsure." Two weeks of no contact and I come up with 'unsure?' For god's sake.

"Well, ask her to the ball! Always a great place to make up." Remus said.

"Yeah, I'll get Lily to drop some hints. Or dish some dirt?" James said. Awesome.

"I'm going to talk to Lily tomorrow anyway, but yes James, that would be great."

We were all silent, watching the flames dance in the grate. It was very late. The stars were sparkling and the crescent moon was close to disappearing behind the forest.

"Can I go back to my gloomy state now?" I asked.

"Gloom away, my dear friend. Gloom away." James replied. I sat down into the arm chair and picked up my Potions textbook. Glancing at the words, I pretended to study – though everyone in the room knew that I wasn't interested in liquid concoctions, just getting Maisy back.

*

Saturday morning at around eight was always our revision session. Everyone else would always be asleep, and when the castle was quiet was always Maisy's perfect time of day. We'd sit in the draughty library, chilled to our bones on some days, but Madam Pince did like to 'air' the books. Quite often.

So, it's Saturday, it's eight o' clock, and I've sat in this library for the past three weeks, just hoping she'd change her mind. The only movements in existence so far have been Mrs Norris and two first year girls, already up doing homework. Must be Ravenclaws. So I have decided to study alone, screw it. She might come today.

Outside the window, snow is falling, dancing, across the dark sky. It's still slightly dark outside, the sun hasn't peeked over the mountains yet. It's cold in here. My breath is actually coming out in wispy smoky stuff. Does anyone ever know what that is? Well, it's cold whatever it is.

The library door squeaked open and Madam Pince began shuffling around behind her desk to get a view of the next vulture who would even dare come in and touch her books. Like a vulture, that woman. Always watching over everyone. Remembers everyone, and every tragedy occurred to any books – note the fact that James is no longer permitted to enter the library wing at all. Hasn't been able to since second year after hexing _Moste Potente Potions. _Classic.

"Hey Sirius."

Oh for god's sake.

"Hey, Ruby. Bit early for you isn't it?" Be nice, be nice, be nice.

"Ah, I'm an early riser." Likely story…

"Hmm."

"I remember you used to be in the library early on Saturdays so I thought, hey I'll go see Sirius. We don't chat much anymore, huh?"

"No, shame." Not.

"Yeah." There was silence as she sat down on the chair opposite, scrabbling around for her bags and prep. I glanced up and realised her brown eyes were intensely scrutinizing my every move.

"Urgh.. Hi?"

"Oh, god, sorry." She said, laughing nervously. Since Maisy I'd forgotten girls obsession with me. Usually I'd be able to handle all this, but today – no. Not anymore.

"It's fine, I'm used to it, I guess." Lies, Sirius, LIES!

"So…" she said. Did she want to say something?

"So…" Kinda studying here. Would love it if you could, say it now, while we're still young.

"Do you have a date for the Christmas Ball?" she blurted out, rather fast I must say.

"Urgh…" SHIT.

"Cos, I totally wanna go with you and the girls said I wouldn't even have the courage to ask you – but here I am," she beamed. I grinned nervously. You know, the upside down kind of smile when people want you to be happy or flattered but really you're beyond uncomfortable – but they can never tell? Yeah, that kind.

"Yeah, here you are…" Oh shit. Was I meant to say something to that.

She looked at me, eyes pleading, nearly. She was twitching slightly, moving her hands and twiddling her hair between her fingers. I can't make her cry again, I'm not that kind of guy.

"I think I already have a date, Ruby." I said. Lies, vicious lies.

"Oh, okay. Well, urm, you and Maisy have a good time.." She got up to leave.

"Wait – who said I was going with Maisy?"

"It's really obviously that you're totally in love with her, you know?" She looked slightly crestfallen. Fuck that! Everyone knew I liked Maisy!?

"Well urm, I'm not going with her, actually." Phew, stop the rumours.

"Ha, okay, sure thing Sirius. I'll keep your secret, it's cool." She smiled. Maybe she wasn't conniving but actually nice after all. Hmm..

"Maybe I'll see you there?"

"Sure thing. I'll save a dance for you." She winked and left.

"Great," I called after her. Or, um, not great? She isn't Maisy! What the hell am I thinking?!

*

"Lily! LILY! Wait up!" I ran down the stony corridor towards the Great Hall. Breakfast with the boys – they didn't get out of bell 'til around 11 on Saturdays, kinda perfect really.

"Sirius." She acknowledged me. ACKNOWLEDGED ME. Then walked off. Oh what the hell's happening?!

"Lily, I need to talk to you."

"To be able to have a conversation, the other person has to be willing. I, in all fairness, do not want to talk to _you._" Woah, PMT much?

"Please. I'm so worried about Maisy."

"_You're_ worried?! How do you think I feel? Being friends with a _shell_! She has no life in her anymore, and you're not helping!"

"I've done nothing but help her. I've always treated her with respect. I told her I loved her, what the hell?"

"It's not my place to say…"

"Please Lily! Please, just help me out?"

"Just know she loves you, she told me."

"Yeah, like she would say it out loud." I began to walk away.

"She told me about the letter!" she called.

"What?"

"The letter, it had one word on it. She keeps it in the pocket of her robes where she keeps her wand so she can keep reading it over and over."

"How did you…"

"She _cares,_ Sirius. She just wont admit it."

"There's something else though, isn't there? Because otherwise things would be exactly the same before… Before…" I couldn't say it out loud.

"Before my mum died?" Shit.

"You're talking to me?"

Maisy walked up to stand next to Lily. I'd forgotten how small she was, and how beautiful. Up close, she was still the same Maisy. Still brunette and perfect. But there was a sheltered sadness in her eyes that made them seem dull and sullen. She looked very thin, almost malnourished. My heart started to thump hard. She's let herself go. I told Lily to look after her! I can look after her. _Yes, but she wont let you!_ Thankyou, conscience. Always a great help. I narrowed my eyes.

"What's that look for?" she asked nastily, narrowing her eyes back at me. The eyes were meant for my conscience, not for you! Ah well.

"You! Why haven't you spoken to me! You've avoided me for the past.. Hey! Come back." She turned away and I grabbed her wrists. They were so small I swear I could have snapped them. She looked up at me in horror.

"Get off me." She whispered.

I let go immediately, I didn't mean to hurt her! Oh god.

"Maisy, why are you doing this?"

"I don't love you Sirius, you need to get over it." What? Where did that come from?!

"I never said you did."

"Well, get over it. And don't try and talk to me. Ever." She was waiting for my reply, or some sort of incentive that I'd reply. I think I must have froze. Never talk to her again?

"I can't do that."

"You'll have to."

"No, I don't Maisy. You may not reciprocate these feelings, but I love you." I pulled her over to the wall, away from the throng on students entering the hall. The Slytherin clan laughed as they passed. Gits.

"I know."

"So c'mon, just let me look after you. It kills me to see you like this…" But this must have been the wrong thing to say. Her face turned berry red and her eyes glazed over with moisture.

"Funny how you Blacks 'kill' so easily, right?" She clenched her fists.

"What? What are you on about?!" It's official. She's gone crazy. Absolutely cuckoo. Round the bend.

"You! Your father! Your whole damn family!" she spat.

"I hate my family! What's happened to you! Why would you even associate me to them?!"

"Cos you were right, Sirius." She said, composing herself. "I didn't kill my mother."

"Thank god, some sense coming out of your mouth!"

"Yeah, and hey, here's some more sense for you! I didn't kill my mother. You did. You and your family. Killed my mother. Killed my insides. You make me sick."

"What…" She turned away then span her head around to spit her last words at me. I recoiled slightly when she started hitting my chest, tears burning her red cheeks. Her eyebrows arched and contracted in venom.

"Don't ever talk to me again. You hear? Leave me alone. You're out of my life Sirius. For good."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_Hold me, and save me from my self.  
I claim to be so righteous,  
but I'm just like everyone else.  
I was judging you,  
and I realized just how big a lie I lead, yeah  
Hold me._- Hold me by Matt Nathanson

_Maisy's POV_

I think, if I calculated all of my tears from the past 3 weeks and 6 days then I would definitely have enough salt water to fill the Lake District. Or the Niagra Falls. Or something large and melodramatic.

It's day 27 of phasing out Sirius black. It's not going well. Dodging him was fine, up until last week when I went skitz on him. Now he looks worse than me, dodges _my_ looks, and goes to bed straight after dinner. And I feel like an utter bitch, to be fair.

But, this is all for mum, and for dad, and for Linda. And I love them, and I would never do anything to upset them. Even if that means hurting the one boy I thought I could love. Well, okay, fine! Did love. Okay, I know I know – do love.

Oh god. I love him I love him I LOVE HIM.

I know I'm just gunna take out this note in about 7 seconds anyway so what the heck, I'll take it out a bit earlier.

I looked at the parchment. It's yellowing and crumpled and dog-earred, but perfect all the same. Covered in blemishes, but holds the most beautiful meaning. Without this note? I wouldn't get through the day. No way in hell.

"Maisy. Put it away." Lily called from the bathroom. Damn, she's so good.

"How did you know I was…"

"Because I know you too well. Now quick, help me with the clasps. Ava and Lea have already left!" Lily was fretting. Bless her.

I clasped the satin dress, and her auburn hair tumbled down in curls over her midnight blue dress. The colour was perfect and clashed with her lochs, but still looked amazing. She was putting her diamond earrings in to complete the look when she looked up, smiling at me.

"What?" she said, grinning.

"Nothing. You just look, really really pretty." Cow. Always looks nice. Rrr.

"Please come with us." She pleaded for the sixteen billionth time.

"I can't. No date!" I smiled. I'd even bought a dress for the ball, before mum died. I though me and Sirius would go together. It's the colour of steel, and chiffon. It would have matched his eyes. We would have looked perfect.

"You know Sirius would…"

"No. Don't mention his name, please?" I said sadly.

"Forget Linda, Maisy! You love him!"

"I can't forget my family, Lily. You know that. It's unfair on all of them," I said, looking up towards the ceiling – hey mum.

"But…"

"C'mon, no buts, okay? I'm fine. You have a good time, and come home with lots of gossip!" I smiled. Oh, how I want to go to the ball.

"If you're sure?" She looked worried. No way was she missing her first real date with James!

"Go be Head Girl! Smile, wave, hold James' hand, and make that amazing Christmas speech, superstar!" I winked at her.

"I'll be back before twelve," she promised, opening the dormitory door.

"If you're back before midnight I'll beat your ass right back to that hall myself." HA. "I'll be fine. GO!"

"Love you, Maisy," she smiled. Gosh, it was only a couple of hours.

"Go, you idiot! Have fun with James," I chuckled. She beamed and closed the door behind her. I heard her heels snap delicately on the spiral staircase then fade into nothing. The silence was back. Hello old friend. Missed me?

I picked up my note and my diary and sat on the bed, contemplating writing in the diary. What would I write about?

_Dear diary, _

_Today I thought about Sirius. Cried a bit. Thought about mum. Cried some more. Sat on my bed. Cried again. Clasped Lily's dress. Sat on bed, again. _

Cried. It was routine now to cry at least five times a die, about anything and everything.

I can't believe Sirius used to carry me through things like this. Dreaded depressions and tears. I'm sick of myself. All I hear are my own thoughts. Every minute of the day. All about the same person.

WHY DID I TELL HIM NOT TO TALK TO ME. WHY DID I SAY I DIDN'T LOVE HIM. WHAT THE FRICKIN' HELL IS WRONG WITH ME.

Snapped out of my thoughts, a chestnut brown owl flew up to the tower window, tapping on the old glass panes. I smiled at it. Dad's owl, awesome.

I ran to the window, tripped over a pair of pumps and landed on the floor, rather theatrically. I've hit my head. Owh.

After minutes of pain, and swearing on my part, I retrieved the letter (tickling Thimble for a while as he cooed) and vegged on my bed to read it. The scrawl was large and untidy – he'd obviously written this in a hurry.

_Maisy,_

_Linda has informed me about everything. I finally got it out of her today when I mentioned the ball. Who is Maisy going with? I said. She replied, No one – she was falling for that Black boy. And so, the story was enrolled. I'm so very sorry._

_Linda was wrong. I would never be upset with you, Maisy. Your mother would want you to be happy. Sirius obviously makes you happy. His father is a cruel cruel man, but Sirius is very different, as I've heard from many sources (cough, Lily. You're lucky you have such a fantastic best friend.)_

_So my girl! Put on that dazzling dress, slap on some makeup and get to that ball – and get Sirius back! I'm expecting a full report when you arrive home on Sunday, got it?_

_I love you, sweetie_

_Dad x x x_

Dad. I felt sick. Anticipation and fear churning in my stomach. I can't believe the letter. I picked it up and read it again. And again. Consuming each word, mulling it over in my mind. _Your mother would want you to be happy._ I'm only ever happy with Sirius. _I would never be upset with you, Maisy._ Being with Sirius wouldn't hurt him – I would have no reason to feel guilty. Urrr, what was I waiting for?

I looked at the clock. Nine thirty. Shit shit shit shit. No time for second thoughts. I pulled the dress from the hanger and shimmied out of my pyjamas faster than a hamster on onion. Sod the hair, it would have to do! Curly? Or maybe straight? No curly, he likes it curly. LILY WHERE IS YOUR MAKEUP BAG! I found the makeup bag under the sink and began applying silver dust to my eyelids. Not too much, he hates too much. But this is a special occasion! Right. How do I look?

The mirror didn't reply. I shrugged my shoulders, thrust my wand down the side of the dress and bolted from the dormitory without a second glance. True love? I'm on my way. I'm actually on my way to my happy ever after.

*

I walked down the main stairs, scared now. So close to the hall. The star rail was clammy under my hand. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. I turned around to go back. No, I told myself firmly, it's now or never. I descended the steps – holding on for dear life as Lea ran up them, tears streaming.

"LEA?" But she'd gone.

Another reason to turn back – he may not want me anymore. I would end up like Lea, sad and alone. Again. Oh god I could kill Jason. I needed to talk to Lily, find her, and explain my cunning plan to get Sirius back. She'd be happy. She was right all along. Gotta love her.

Lily walked out of the hall at that exact moment, looking hurried. I went to wave and smile, until I saw her hand that was dragging James with her. She was giggling and he was grinning from ear to ear, it was very sweet. He tugged at his bow tie savagely as she pulled off his dinner jacket. They ran together, down the corridor, kissing and pausing and laughing. Bless them. Together at last. It's been a long time coming.

Now who am I gunna tell my plan to? I thought about going to find Ava, but she would be with Remus, seeing as they'd made up now and were finally back on track. Ah well, Remus would probably know what to do more than Ava would. I held my breath and stepped into the chaos of the Ball.

I walked into the Great Hall and was bewitched by the enchanted snowy forest setting. Real fir trees, dotted around the hall, with magical snow that covered the stone floor. It was like something from a fairytale – mesmerizing. People were milling around the dancefloor, or stood drinking steaming mulled wine by the full length stain glass windows. Everyone was happy, chatty and laughing – left right and centre. And I felt, complete. Like this was something that had been missing for a long time. I'd finally pieced myself back together, the atmosphere being the glue that held me together. I walked further in, the snow chilling the soles of my feet slightly through my heels. Did I care? No way in hell.

The teachers were stood on the opposite side of the room, tapping their feet to the music and drinking together. Professor McGonagall smiled as I entered. Always had a soft spot for her!

Somehow, in a daze, I ended up near the dancefloor, looking around the hall for any sight of Sirius. He had to be here. He just _had_ to! But here comes Ava. Thank god, she can gush at my 'in love' cuteness.

"MAISYYYYYY!" Ava squealed. "You're here!" she smelled of hard spirits. Good ol' Ava.

"Ava! I'm here. You're drunk," I smiled, still looking around for Sirius. Maybe I should just go straight to him, spontaneous!

"Remus slipped something in my drink?! I'm offended!!" she laughed, making a shocked face at me – then jabbing him with her finger when he came over.

"You drugged me! I have been VIOLATED!" she pouted, nuzzling into his sleeve, giggling.

"I think you were the culprit, my dear," he laughed, winking at me. 'She nicked some Friewhiskey. No idea where from' he mouthed. I laughed, slightly uncontrollably.

"You seem happy!" Remus beamed, nudging my shoulder lightly. He looked pale in this light, and gaunt in his face.

"Yuh-uh. I'm looking for Sirius, I need to talk to him." I replied urgently, craning my neck at the group in the corner. SIRIUS! He's over there! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! EEP!

"Excuse me, I have to go…" I rushed off, giggling at Ava slurred reply following me. 'Wait' Remus called at me, but whatever, I was off. Ava, always on the spirits. She was going to regret that tomorrow, ha. She always did.

I was picking up speed, faster and faster, thinking my feet would slip on the snow, but I stayed upright. I was reciting words in my mouth, what I would say, how I would say it, envisioning his face when I told him, our make up, the lazy summer days to come, birthdays, Christmases, Hanukahs, everything…

Then, it happened. The worst thing in the world; happened. And it had to happen now.

I pushed past a group of fifth years to reach Sirius, only to find him tangled with a girl in a fuchsia dress. Her hands were clasped on his face, pulling him towards her. Then her hands were on his chest. She pulled him into the crowd and he was consumed by the mass of people. I stood there, motionless... Stood there. Watching the spot where they had been. Where they had been kissing. Sirius. My Sirius. And some, some, SLUT?!

Then, I ran.

I ran; out of the hall. He wasn't in love with me anymore. I was too late. My eyes were blurred with tears, and black makeup covered my hands as I wiped away the tears. I ran until I crashed into another figure.

"Maisy! Woah, are you okay?" Jason asked, sounding concerned.

Great. Jason. Perfect.

"Do I look okay? Excuse me, I have to go." I tried to push past him but he held onto both of my wrists, pulling me towards him.

"You know you don't want to go," he whispered in my ear.

"Are you drunk?!" I shouted. Sleeze bag.

"Maybe a little. But I don't need to be drunk to tell you this! I LOVEEEEEEEEEE YOU!"

"Oh, please. Say it to Lea!" I should know.

"Don't love Lea." He said indignantly. "Love, you!"

"You're pathetic. Love isn't real." Says me, who was eternally in love 45 seconds ago, but now believes in feminism. Awesome. Not.

"No, no it is, Maisy, it isssssss!" he breathed on my neck. The alcoholic fumes seemed to swirl around me, making me feel sick. Around me, like Sirius was around that girl.

"Let go of me, Jason." I said, fisting his chest hard.

"But I love you!"

"You wouldn't know what love was if it hexed you into oblivion." Ha, that would confuse him.

"Maybe! But I do know this…"he whispered, and he leant into me, kissing me full on the mouth, pulling at my waist, and keeping a firm grip on my back. I tried to resist, but his hold was too tight, and I couldn't break out. He seemed to hold me forever. It was putrid. He pulled back and smiled triumphantly. Smarmy git.

I punched him, hard, on the jaw. My eyes began to fill with tears again as I fled from the Entrance Hall, tripping on the stairs copious amounts of times, until I burst into the Common Room, breathless. Jason germs, all over my mouth. Ugh. But, but Sirius had SLUT germs on his. What's the difference? I'm not in love with Jason though. Whereas Sirius is in love now.

My heart was beating hard and making me feel nauseous. Sirius, in love. But not with me. Sirius had been kissing that Ravenclaw girl. He was in love with her. Rita? Resa? RUBY. Bitch. Sirius was _kissing_ her. I don't think my mind can take the shock.

My heart broke into two pieces. I felt it.

He didn't love me anymore.

It broke into four. Rip rip rip.

I'm alone. Again.

It broke into eight. Shattered now, like glass

"BUT I LOVE HIM." I shouted to the deserted common room, crumpling against the portrait door, sobbing uncontrollably. Sirius. He was gone this time. For good. And it was all my fault. My own selfish thought.

"Maisy?" A soft voice came from behind the armchair. A familiar face glanced over the top of it, wincing slightly at my appearance.

"Sirius." I gulped, standing up and straightening out my dress. How did he get here so fast? My heart thumped uncontrollably as I looked up at him. TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, it kept saying. TELL HIM.

"Good night?" he asked, indicating my blotchy face and creased dress.

"Fantastic, yours?" Bet yours was fucking great, wasn't it? With that Ruby bitchy bitch slag bitch.

"It was okay." Hmm. Not great? Pfft, whatever. BY THE WAY, I LOVE YOU. Ugh, reflexes! Get a grip Maisy…

"Well, night then." I said, clearing my throat and retreating to the dormitories. I'd ruined a perfect opportunity again.

"Night Maisy." He said, staring at the flames in the grate. He didn't turn. I watched him as I walked up the stairs, dejected. His eyes were unblinking and his expression was blank. He just continued to stare at the fire, dancing around in his grey thunder eyes. He's just so hard to read.

How I didn't run down the stairs and jump on him, tell him I love him a million times over and beg him to never leave me when I got to the dormitory was beyond me. Instead of the romantic response my body wanted to live, I tugged off my dress, crawled back into my comfy pyjamas and wrapped myself in my feather down duvet. Soon enough, the tears began to fall; seeping into the pillow, stinging my face, soon followed by the silent heaving and gulping. The only image I saw until dawn was the one image replaying in my mind. Sirius and Ruby. Together. And every time I saw the image, I died a little more inside. When the girls returned, and stumbled into bed, I was still thinking of _them_ together. And when the sun rose and shed coral pink light through the dormitory windows, I was officially succumbed to the heartbreak that would inevitably ensue the rest of my holidays, and possibly the rest of my school year.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_There's something 'bout the way  
You looked at me  
Made me think for a moment that  
Maybe we were meant to be  
Living our lives separately_- Desperately by The Wreckers

_Lily's POV_

So, Lea's crying. Maisy's crying. Sirius is, probably somewhere crying. Ruby's escaped to Ravenclaw tower sporting a black eye. And Jason may as well be crying, idiot boy. Oh, a Hogwarts love life, eh?

Am I the only person here who actually feels like life is worth living?

I'm guessing that's a yes.

_Earlier this week…_

"I'm sure it's not what you thought it was," I said, for the twentieth time in six minutes.

"You didn't see him, Lily! All over her – it was disgusting!" Maisy huffed, throwing clothes in her bag with such force that it toppled off the bed. "UGH! I FUCKING HATE LIFE!"

"Maisy, chill, it's just a suitcase dear…"

"And how would you feel if I knocked over your suitcase of clothes?!" she hissed at me.

"I'd be pissed. I've actually folded mine all neatly, thankyou." Ha.

"Yeah okay, rub it in."

"A messy bag is a messy mind!" Ava called from the bathroom, through a mouth of fluoride froth.

"Thankyou, Miss Psychology." Maisy paused, and opened her top drawer, took out three crumpled letters and thrust them deep inside her robes.

"Maisy, hun, c'mon. Leave them here." I tested her.

"I'm not leaving the most important things I own at school for the holidays."

"Well, we've got a few lessons left yet, can't you live without them 'til lunch?" She narrowed her eyes at me and cocked her head to the side. I guessed that was a no.

"Did I tell you she was wearing fuchsia. _Fuchsia! _What a slaggish colour, don't you think?" she rambled, staring myself and Ava down. She looked over at Lea who was led on top of her sheets, not even dressed for lessons yet. "WELL?"

"Yeah, totally."

"The most slaggish colour ever known to mankind."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," she said, zipping the case and grabbing her wand. Red sparks flew from the tip as she picked it up.

"Why does it always do that?!" she screamed at it, throwing it towards the door.

"Urgh, cos you treat it like shit and doesn't enjoy being used as a punch bag?"

"Yeah Maisy, wands have feelings too," I said, caressing mine possessively. Nippy, good for Charms, which was ironic, seeing as Charms was possibly my strongest subject.

"You guys are so fucked up. Life's so la-di-dah for you, right?" Oh god, here we go.

"Maisy, I know you're upset about Sirius, but at the end of the day, he's just a guy…"

"JUST A GUY?!"

Oops. "Well, okay he's _your_ guy…" I said.

"And he loves you!" Ava called, spitting into the sink. The tap ran.

"You are such shitty friends." Maisy said, grabbing her school satchel and leaving the room. The door slammed behind her and the handle wobbled precariously before falling off altogether.

"FUCHSIA IS SUCH A SLAGGISH COLOUR!" I called after her.

I looked at Ava who laughed. Drama drama drama. Jason kisses Maisy, Sirius kisses Ruby, Maisy flips out, Lea becomes depressed over a weekend. Gryffindor girls, 1978 – crazy bunch!

"Lea, you gotta eat," I heard Ava say softly to her. I picked up my bag and leant against my four-poster bed. She looked so sad. I kind of felt guilty for feeling in love now.

"He'll be there." She said. Her lips went white and trembled.

"I'll bring you out some toast then, we can eat outside the charms classroom, okay?" she said, lifting Lea out of bed and grabbing her uniform from the wardrobe.

"Okay."

"Promise you'll eat it?"

"Promise." She smiled weakly, dressing slowly.

Ava turned to me and smiled. "I'll see you in Charms then."

"No worries," I beamed. "See you in a bit, ladies."

"Remember, fuchsia is bad!" Lea called to me.

"Was that a sentence?!" I gawped at her.

"I'm not a complete zombie, Lily," she laughed. "Jason can have whoever he wants – it's nice to known that Maisy will beat him down if he comes anywhere near her again though." She giggled. YAY! GIGGLES!

"Good times, good times! Haha, I look forward to the day he actually _does_ confront her."

"Yeah, it'll be like World War Three has broken out."

We all laughed. "Well, here's hoping he's not wearing fuchsia when he does." I joked, leaving the girls and heading down to breakfast.

*

"Malevolent little bitch." Maisy bitched from opposite me. She glanced at Sirius, who was looking at her, and they both looked away from each other automatically. I smiled at James, who was sitting closer to me than Sirius was to Maisy. Here they were, yards away from eating breakfast together, but not even acknowledging each other. Great.

"Yep, she's a bitch." I said, bored. Would it be like this all Christmas?

"Oh my god she's coming over!" Maisy snarled, turning one eighty on the bench to watch the 'tramp' slouch over to the Gryffindor table. I swear I heard Maisy snarl. Cross my heart, hope to die.

"She's coming to see _Sirius!_" she said, gob-smacked. Sirius wouldn't be with Ruby – no way in hell.

"They're _so_ together!" said Maisy, alarmed at the thought. Oh god I did feel for her. Ruby put her hand on Sirius shoulder and he flinched, taking her hand off of his shoulder and speaking in low voice to her.

"I'm gunna fucking say something." Maisy said, standing up and walking towards her without a glance back. I put my head in my hands. Oh this would not be good.

"Oi, Ruby." She said. Oh god oh god oh god.

"What's happening here," came a voice from beside me. James wrapped his arm about my waist and nabbed a piece of my toast.

"Well, you know Maisy saw Sirius kiss Ruby at the ball…" I said. But he interrupted.

"Maisy went to the ball!?"

"Yeah…"

"She _saw_ Sirius kiss Ruby?"

"Yep. Trust me, she reminds me every five minutes."

"I don't think that's the whole story…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there was a _lot_ of Firewhiskey at that ball, you know…"

Oh god. "He slept with her, didn't he!" I almost shouted. Bastard! How dare he!

"No no no no no no!!" James looked offended. Nawh, sweet. I smiled. "He didn't do anything. Ruby kissed _him_. He was absolutely mortified at the thought of even being near her! Why are you looking at me like that?" he added.

"Just thinking about our night, ha. Slightly different to everyone else's, right?" I smiled. He put his head on my shoulder and sighed.

"It was definitely one of the best nights of my life. Being with you." He looked up at me and smiled. I beamed at him and kissed him full on the mouth. "You know, this feeling I have for you right now, it's never gunna go away."

"Yeah right!" I gawped at him.

"No, I'm serious. I'm so head over heads in lo…" but he never finished his sentence.

"YOU MALICIOUS BITCH!" A blur of black robes fell to the floor. The teachers stood up at their table and gaped at the 'Muggle duelling' that was occurring under their noses.

"HOW DARE YOU EVEN GO NEAR HIM!" Maisy shouted. Sirius was sat on the bench, only metres away. He scooted down towards me and James, mouthed – What's up with them?

"You're really asking that?"

"Well, yeah, Maisy's always liked Ruby…"

"Until she saw you making out with her." James nudged me. Sorry.

"What?" Sirius' jaw almost fell off his face, I swear.

"Mhmm, Friday night. She's been bitching about Ruby all weekend. Guess it's all caught up with her. Maisy has a mean right hook by the way, I think you should let your girlfriend know that before you let Maisy see you together again."

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING YOU PSYCHOTIC FREAK!" Ruby shrieked. Professor McGonagall got up from her seat and hurried towards them.

"Ruby kissed _me!_ Why would I wanna kiss her? She was drunk and persistent. I'm in love with Maisy – why would I pick a fling over a lifetime?"

I looked at Sirius, his steely eyes sad and seemingly endless. Poor him. Poor Maisy.

"She's not angelic either, you know!" he said, rubbing his forehead.

"Wooooooooah, Sirius! You never told me you…" James said. I nudged _him. _

"No, nothing like that. I saw her kissing Jason!"

Oh my days this was just so messy.

"But, Jason kissed Maisy!"

"Didn't look like that from where I was standing."

"Well, he'd had a lot to drink, and you know how strong he is anyway…"

"MISS HEART LET GO OF MISS FOSTER'S HAIR!" McGonagall instructed, tapping Maisy's shoulder consistently as she tumbled around on the floor.

"And she couldn't get free once he'd got hold of her." It was true. Jason's such a sleeze bag anyway.

"Please tell me that's all true." Sirius said, through gritted teeth.

"Scout's honour." I said, holding up my fingers.

"What are Scouts?" said Sirius, looking confused. God, growing up with Muggles did take toll on school life.

"Never mind that, what are you going to do?!" I said.

"I'll let you know when I get back," he said, rolling up the sleeves on his robes and departing from the table.

"Sirius! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" I shouted over Ruby's incessant shrieking ("Say you surrender! SAY IT!" Maisy kept repeating, pulling harder on her pony tail).

Sirius walked over to the Hufflepuffs and lifted Jason out of his seat in one gracefully slide. He then drew back his right arm and sent it flying into Jason's jaw. Jason fell backwards onto the floor, cursing and moaning, holding his hand to his jaw. Sirius walked away, shaking his hand out from the collide.

"Fuck me that hurt." He said, sitting down again, as if he'd just got up for a cup of tea, or a morning stroll.

"That was bloody brilliant!" James smiled, shaking Sirius' left hand. "God you're awesome. I'm proud to call you my best friend!"

Sirius smiled and laughed. Remus skidded into view seconds later, dragging Ava who began to fill her napkin with half a loaf of toast, then bolt for the exit.

"Did I miss anything?" Remus said. I glanced behind him and pointed. He looked over and dropped his fork. Ruby and Maisy and McGonagall were stood in the centre of the hall, most eyes of the students fixed on them. Ruby had a black eye and bruised lip. Maisy just looked rather disturbed. Her hair was awry and her robes were slightly dusty, but other than that, she looked like the clear victor here.

"You're joking! Maisy beat up a Ravenclaw? WOAH!" Remus said, laughing and chocking down baked beans. "Odd. That Ruby girl is the same girl who came onto Sirius at the Ball."

We all gave him the 'duh' look. "For a book worm, you're not incredibly smart are you?" I said when his mouth changed into an 'o' shape, in recognition of what had happened.

Maisy indicated me to leave with her as she was reprimanded and sent from the hall. I swiftly kissed James, said my goodbyes, and fled from the Hall.

"Maisy, are you, urgh, okay?" I said, dusting off the lapels of her robes.

"Yeah! Little bitch wont be coming near Sirius again." She said, smiling like a maniac.

"Oh god." Scary. Scary Maisy, not good.

"I told her if she came near Sirius again, she'd be buying a wig, not a new pot of foundation." She continued to smile. Gotta hand it to her, she was pretty feisty for a girl with such a receding personality.

"Wow."

"Yeah, and then she told me to back off cos she was in love with Sirius. The cheeky cow! I punched her in the eye for that, bitch."

"Maisy, you know Sirius probably didn't mean to be with Ruby…"

"Oh, so he accidentally stepped forward and his lips met hers?" she said, nastily.

"No, I'm just saying, maybe it was Ruby. Like with you and Jason…"

"Oh, please! Boys like Sirius only want one thing…"

"You?"

"Don't be an idiot, Lily." She scathed, flouncing from the Entrance Hall, leaving me alone and leaving herself with something to consider.

*

"He's not eating again, Lil," James said, looking up from his essay on the Friday night. It had been another week, another week with no Sirius-Maisy chat. She was completely ignoring him. And he was completely ignoring her.

"LILLLLLLLLY!" someone shouted from the doorway, rushing in, panting. Maisy collapsed onto the sofa next to me and James.

"I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!" she said, smiling at James as a hello, then turning to me. "Did you know, Sirius knew about Jason?!"

"Urgh, yeah kinda…" Shit. I forgot to tell her.

"DID YOU TELL HIM!" she shouted. Oh dang.

"It slipped out! We were talking about the ball…"

"Thought we were in this together, Lily. You said you were on my side. He kissed RUBY FOR GOD SAKE."

"SHE KISSED HIM, LILY!"

"LIKELY STORY!"

"HE PUNCHED JASON, FOR YOU!"

"HE WOULDN'T DO THAT!"

"HE FUCKING DID, AS SOON AS HE FOUND OUT THAT HE'D TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF YOU HE KNOCKED HIS BABY FACE RIGHT IN."

"WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?" she laughed. Oh, thank god for that.

"Maisy, he's so in love with you, and you're so in love with him, I don't understand!"

"It's complicated. He was with Ruby. His dad killed my mum. Lots of things, really."

"And he'll always love his hair more than you," James added.

"Not helping," I spat.

"ANYWAY, I'm sick of him fucking me around, so I give up now. He can have Ruby, and I can finish my education in peace."

"But you love him."

"And?"

"All you need is love." James added. Another inappropriate comment.

"James, shut up, yeah?" Maisy said. "Right. He'll get over it. As long as he's happy with Ruby, that's all that matters. As long as he's happy."

She looked so sad, it was heartbreaking.

"You know what he said to me on Monday…"

"No, I don't want to know." She said, getting up to leave.

"No, listen. He said, why would I want a fling with Ruby when I can have a lifetime with Maisy." She looked down at her hands and left the room, knocking into Ava and Lea who were coming down from the dormitory and heading for a late dinner. I waved at them, they both smiled and waved.

"Love's complicated, eh?" James said, sarcastically, picking up his quill again.

"I don't get it. They're meant for each other! She still thinks he's in love with that fuchsia coloured cow."

"Oh, I love it when you're all feisty. Reminds me of the good ol' days, when you would hex me just for saying hello." He tilted his head back and looked up, mocking nostalgia. I hit him.

"Shutup. This is about Maisy and Sirius."

"I wouldn't worry, sweet. Sirius will be at mine on New Year's and he's got a plan." He tapped his nose.

"Romantic?" I asked, smiling at the thought.

"Oh yes. Sirius is a romantic fellow. He actually asked me to give you this letter to give to Maisy." He said, pulling a crumpled envelope out of his bag.

"OPEN IT!" he giggled. With my wand, I scored a line around the seal and opened the letter magically, pulling out the note inside. One word was written on it.

_Please._

"Will she understand this?" I said, confused.

"I hope so, cos I don't." he laughed.

"It could be about anything, bless him." I said, smiling.

"He's such a romantic! Guh"

"Well, if you wanna be romantic, you could send me love letters. I wouldn't mind," I winked and smiled at the thought.

"Oh, so now you're using me for letters and for se…" I put my hand over his mouth. There were people around.

"You may be secure about you sex life but I'm not having mine blurted around the castle in the form of childish rumours."

"Lily, don't worry, it's cool." He said, putting his head on my lap and beginning to write on a new piece of parchment. "My dearest Lilyflower…"

I hit him, again. He must have so many bruises. "Don't take the piss! I want to gush over these when I'm old and withered and wrinkly!"

"You wont need them then," He said quietly.

"Why not?"

"Cos I'm gunna be sat in the rocking chair next to you, chewing on my gums and messing up your yarn; when you're old and withered and wrinkly. We're forever Lily, haven't you worked that out yet?"

*

I'm so in love. So so so so sooooooooooo in love. The clouds threatening rain look like fluffy bunnies. The icy ground looks like meadows, blossoming with sunflowers. Life, is good.

I looked up from the flames in the fire and saw Sirius walk into the common room. God, I'd been waiting hours.

"I've been waiting hours for you! Where have you been?" I asked, patting the space on the sofa next to me. He sat down and exhaled very slowly.

"Been in the library." Oh, okay then..

"Anyway, I have to tell you something very important."

"Shoot." He said, staring at the flames, entranced. I swear the fireplace was magical sometimes…

"Maisy wont talk to you because your dad was the guy in the Department of Mysteries who fucked up the work her mother was doing and wouldn't help her fix what went wrong. Then, it went so wrong, that the malfunction eventually killed her mother."

"That explains the 'I didn't kill her, you did!' then, doesn't it?" he said, sadly.

"Did you know about this?" I asked.

"No, I haven't spoken to the olds in months."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you. But, that's the reason. Her dad has told her to be happy but she's so sad about her mum, so it's all fucked up."

"Ruby didn't help."

"No, true, she still thinks you guys are in love and planning to elope." I laughed nervously. He didn't show any sign of emotive response. He looked, dead.

"You okay?" I asked.

"No, not at all. I'm in love, I'm out of love, I'm being ignored and I'm facing the holidays with no contact from Maisy. At least here I can _listen_ to her talk or see her everyday. I miss her. So so much." He put his head in his hands. I put my hand on his back. Oh god, this was so messed up!

"She keeps that new letter with your other one now, ya know." Bless her. She'd cried when she received it.

"Did she like it?"

"Well, I guess you could say that," I smiled. "Sirius, don't worry about her anymore. She's fine. She just needs time to think things over and realise that Ruby is just a twat."

"Ha, true. Can't stand that girl."

"Mhmm, she ruined your chances of you and Maisy getting together. I'd hate her too." I mused.

"What?"

"Urgh.." What? Confused…

"Me and Maisy were gunna get together?" he said, turning to face me now.

"Well duh, why else would she buy a _grey_ dress and come to the dance?!" I said. Are boys really this idiotic?

"Oh. Oh shit." He looked suicidal now. Oh fuck. I hastily picked up the quills left on the table. He didn't even realise I'd moved. Smooth on my part, I thought.

"It'll work out soon."

"Sure?"

"I'm sure." I smiled and dragged him upstairs to the dormitories. Sure? No. Shit. Fuck. If Maisy didn't forgive him now – this would break his heart.

*

When I walked into the dorm soon after, a small envelope was resting on top of my pillow. I opened it hastily, even getting a paper cut from it. Inside was a short poem.

_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_Poems are shit_

_But beautiful too._

_Daisies are white_

_Grass is green_

_I'll write more letters_

_If you'll be my queen_

_So, sun shining bright_

_And heavens a-glow_

_Sending you this_

_Made my feelings grow_

_I love you, Lily. X_

Corny, but perfect James. I took the note and thrust it into the pocket of the jeans I'd be wearing home. So what? I could keep a letter on me at all times too.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_Why do we like to hurt so much?_

_Oh why do we like to hurt so much?_

_That's what you get _

_When you let your heart win!_- That's What You Get by Paramore

_Maisy's POV_

Christmas at home was always so beautiful.

The trees on the drive would be encrusted with fairy lights and our tree would tower to the ceiling in the sitting room. The tree would be simple, with hand made baubles and decorations that me and mum had made over the years. The smell of the fir would lull me to sleep when I was so excited on Christmas Eve, and the mountains of presents on Christmas morning once overflowed onto the sofas and mantelpiece. I used to love Christmas.

This year, I was already worried that this would not be the same Christmas. It's the twenty fourth of December, late afternoon, but the sun is so low in the sky that the whole house is filled with dark shadows already, and the floors are frozen, like the cold winds that are blowing up a storm outside.

I'm sat on the sill in my bedroom, fiddling with the curtains, waiting for dad to walk across the landing, trying to escape without saying goodbye. Linda's at home with her own family for Christmas and now dad was going to work until Boxing Day. I would be completely alone in this house, alone with the wandering memories of my mother, who still walks the house, I swear she's still here.

I heard the floorboards creak and jumped up from my spot, running to the door and pulling it open. Dad, looking shocked, paused where he was and lowered his head.

"Please, don't go." I said, my strong state suddenly crumbling into being a pathetic child.

"I have to go to work, honey," he said, beginning to walk to the stairs.

"How come you have to this year, but every other year you haven't had to? This makes no sense dad!" I shouted at him as he reached the front door.

"I'm sorry Maisy. But, I can't stay here. Merry Christmas love." And, with that, he opened the door, letting in the blistering cold, braced himself for the weather and left the house with a slam. The house seemed to respond to his departure, the noise echoing through the hall and bouncing around the corridor.

And he was gone. I was alone. Alone? I couldn't handle alone. Not anymore.

*

Christmas morning dawned bright and eerie, like the calm after the storm. As my clock struck seven, the sun peeped over the hedge of the garden and bled fiery light into my bedroom, making it seem as red and as angry as I was feeling this morning.

God, what would I do all day?

The Christmas tree, I noticed, had a small collection of parcels underneath it – all of them wrapped unsteadily, not like last year. Last year's presents were vibrant colours of red and gold and green, all tied with metallic renditions of holly and berries. It was all stunning. Mum was always a creative woman, always liked things to look their best.

This year, the presents made me feel sick with sadness. Dad couldn't even stay to watch me open them. He loved watching me open presents. Loved watching my face beam into bright smiles, my laugh pierce the atmosphere, and then, he always commented on how much he adored the thank yous and hugs and kisses he'd receive afterwards. Surely he still wanted that? Surely he still wanted a little girl?

Against my wishes, tears began to fall. I wiped them away hastily, sniffing noisily, and slumped onto the sofa, regarding the tree.

The tree was small and bare, it's imprudent state making it look out of place. Dad hadn't bothered to decorate it, and I certainly didn't want to decorate it. Taking out the baubles and remembering all of those craft sessions, all those combined hours of dressing the tree with mum? No, I wasn't ready to open that box yet. I wasn't ready to dust off her memory and hang them.

A violent tapping was coming from the window, and I turned to see not one, but six owls perching precariously on the window sill. I struggled to open the window; it had barely ever been opened in my lifetime. As the metal scraped open, the birds flew in, deposited the envelopes and parcels and head straight back to the celestial open sky that was a dazzling cyan.

Suddenly excited, I picked up the first envelope and began to read:

_Maisy,_

_Merry Christmas! Here's a pick me up for the holiday blues that you told me were definitely going to occur. You crazy child, have fun! It's Christmas._

_Love, Ava x x x _

I sighed at the letter and felt inside the envelope. I pulled out three generous slabs of _Honeyduke's Finest_ chocolate. They all contained pieces of honeycomb in them, my absolute favourite. Thank you Ava! Exactly what I needed.

The next letter had a small parcel attached to it. I shook the parcel and heard soft rattling. Curious, I read the letter:

_Stop shaking the package Maisy!_

_Ha, gotcha! You think I'm silly huh? I've known you for six years, so put it down. _

_Anyway, Merry Christmas hun. It's only a small something, but I hope you like it. _

_Have a great day, and I'll see you soon!_

_With love, Lea. x x x_

Grr, so I had a habit of shaking packages, what of it?! The silver paper tore off easily, and held a small box of hair slides and clips, some flowers, some tribal, some neon, all of the new styles in store. Oh, the eighties! I picked up a bright pink one and clipped it into my hair. Realising it was fuchsia, I pulled it out and threw it into the fire. No one would ever know…

The next letter had scribbly handwriting on it, male handwriting:

_Maisy,_

_Merry Christmas! Your present will follow at New Year, it's too heavy to send with an owl, the poor thing wouldn't make the trip! 3 guesses what it is? Haha. Have a great day._

_Remus_

Another book, Remus? I thought. I knew him so well, always been a good friend, but I wasn't expecting presents this year. Ah well, I do love a good book. I thanked him, in my head, and picked up a regal looking envelope with a wax seal on it. The handwriting was cursive and calligraphic:

_Maisy Heart_

_You have been invited to the Potter's New Year's Eve Party on the 31__st__ of December._

_You are permitted to stay until school begins on the 5__th__._

_This year, the party is holding a theme. The theme being, masquerade. You will be reminded of the rules of the game on your arrival._

_Hoping you are able to attend,_

_The Potters_

Not another ball! But there was an extra letter with the parchment invite:

_Maisy_

_I bet that freaked you out, eh? Mum and Dad say you and Lily are welcome to come over on the 30__th__, before the Ball if you want, and stay for the week. I think the theme this year is gunna be amazing! I love masquerade haha. So yeah, you're gunna need a mask, duh. Please please come, I promise it will be great. I'll even spike your drink in persuasion? Haha. Lea and Ava and Remus will be there too, so it wont just be me, Sirius, you and Lily. Happy Christmas._

_James_

Sirius was going to be there. Sirius was going to be there. Sirius was going to be there. My mind whirred and came to a halt. He wasn't gunna stop me having a good time. God, just cos I was in love with him and he wasn't interested? Obsessive Maisy, truly obsessive…

I smiled at the large envelope with Lily-esque handwriting on it. I carefully opened the envelope, careful not to rip it:

_Merry Christmas, best friend!_

_Remember! If today is that bad, come to mine, and I'll put you up for however long you want. Did you get a letter from James? A masquerade ball! So exciting! Mum's already bought us dresses! It's your Christmas present, she says. Those Potters are devious, telling our parents first, eh! Well, have a good time sweetie._

_Lots of love, Lily x x x x x_

A dress and a jewellery? Was she having a joke? I bet she could see my expression now! Inside the envelope was a long silver pendant with a silver wire butterfly dangling from an angle. A small diamond was encrusted in the top corner. It was simple, and beautiful. It matched the earrings I inherited from my Grandma, it would look perfect. What did the dress look like? Would it fit? Would I need shoes?

The Evans spoiled their children rotten, including me at Christmas and on birthdays. But, Lily's parents were like my second parents; they were kind and considerate and would always help myself or my parents out, even though they didn't have an ounce of magical blood between them.

I noticed a small envelope with smudges on it left over. Could it be from Sirius? I tugged at the letter, pulling the note from inside and opening it fervently, drinking in the words:

_Happy Christmas pet. Have a lovely New Year, I know you'll be off to Lily's soon, am I right? Hope you like your presents. Love, Dad._

Oh. Bummer. Ah well. Not that I was expecting anything from Sirius anyway. Sirius can go to hell, the annoying pompous prat!

I leant back into the sofa and considered my day. Stay here, be depressed, starve; or, get dressed, pack a bag, and head to Lily's.

I think there's really only one option here… Anyone else agree?

*

"I'm stuffed, please, no more!" I begged as Lily's mum offered me more turkey.

"Well, there's lots left. Turkey sandwiches for the next year and a half I think," she smiled. Lily laughed.

"Well, I'm very glad you came to dinner Maisy, it's lovely to see you," said Dave, Lily's dad. "We haven't seen you since the summer!"

"It's true, you're looking very very beautiful, young lady! I'm sure the boys can't keep their hands off of you!" Jill smiled.

"Mum!" Lily said, grabbing my hand under the table.

"I wish!" I said, sadly. There was only one person's hands I wanted on me…

"Oh come now, I'm sure there's a special someone in your life right now!" Jill pressured, glancing at Lily who was turning red. "Lily's head over heels in love, aren't you dear?"

"Mum! Please!"

"Admit it, darling, you're glowing!"

Lily muttered something and sighed. "Fine, I'm in love. I really do love James."

Dave smiled and Jill clapped her hands together. "FANTASTIC!"

"Isn't it just!" I jested, nudging Lily in the ribs. Bless her.

"But Maisy, there's no boy for you then?" Jill looked almost hurt.

"Well, yes, but it's rather _Romeo and Juliet_, cliché." I said. It actually hurt to say that. My breath was caught in my lungs.

"Okay dear, it's fine, we're just teasing." Jill smiled and placed her hand on mine. "But if it's any consolation, you're an absolutely beautiful and captivating young lady. Your mother would be so very proud of you."

"That she would," Dave added.

"I agree," said Lily. My eyes were filled with tears and I couldn't speak. I looked at all three of them, so happy at home but so willing to let me in – to help me.

"I think a toast is in order!" said Dave, picking up his red wine. "To Kate, a woman of talent, kindness and courage."

"To Kate," we repeated. I took a long sip from my own glass and smiled.

"Thankyou." I managed. "To all of you."

Lily hugged me tight, as best she could at the table. "I bloody love you Maisy Heart! Forever and ever and ever, amen!"

*

"I'll do it." Lily huffed, pulling clothes from her wardrobe and folding them into her case. She walked over to my school trunk and twisted her wand above it. Automatically, all of my clothes were folded neatly and placed in order of colour inside the trunk.

"You're amazing!" I gasped at her.

"Well, I do try." She said, laughing and packing the rest of her own things.

"The ball's going to be good…" I said, after a while.

"Yeah, I hope so. I can't wait to see James and thank him for my present!" she beamed, touching her wrist and the pretty white gold intricate band that was currently coinciding on it. There were small diamonds splashed over it, making it sparkle in the light. James was highly wealthy, and had probably enjoyed spoiling her so much.

"It's truly beautiful. But I'm more excited about what we're wearing! Helloooooo?" I said, pointing to the two dresses in white bags hanging from the door. I hadn't been allowed to open it. There was a shoe box with it. I wasn't allowed to open that either.

"Ha, you're so excited to see it, aren't you?" she said, grinning.

"Uhuh!" I said sadly, and lying back on the bed.

"Okay, you can look." She said.

"SERIOUSLY?!" I beamed, running to the door and unzipping it before she had chance to change her mind.

The dress was full length and the colour of tropical oceans, a never-ending teal. The neckline plunged in a V, with the back made of spaghetti straps of diamante, twisting like vines across it. Lily threw me the shoes, a silver pair of shoes, with a spindly heel. It was, absolutely stunning. Possibly the best present ever.

"What about your mask?" said Lily from behind me. I was admiring the satin material.

"Oh, urm, shit, I forgot about the mask." I said. Shit!

"No worries, I got you one." She handed me the mask. It was just large enough to cover half of my face. The mask was silver, with white detailing around it. Teal, aqua and navy blue feathers and glitter crowded the edge of it. It was beyond perfect.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" I gasped.

"There's always plenty of time to say it again!" she said. I wrapped my arms around her hard, thanking her over and over and over again for everything. Nothing could spoil this night now. Nothing, except Sirius Black.


	12. Chapter 12

12

Chapter 12

_A strangled smile fell on your face_

_It kills me that I've hurt you this way…_

_I'll do whatever it takes to turn this around…_

_I'll keep us together, whatever it takes_.- Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse

Maisy_ and _**Sirius**_' POV_

I walked through the entrance hall and was lead to the sitting room by a small house elf named Bertha. She smiled at me as I sat on the red velvet sofa, and offered me refreshments. Lily declined and I just looked around, dumbstruck at the house. James Potter lives _here?!_

"Woah." I said.

"Tell me about it, this is amazing… Like a hotel!" Lily was staring up at the tall ceilings with Renaissance images hand painted all over them. The rest of the room was white, with white marble floor. It was absolutely stunning.

"Lily!" came a voice from the doorway.

"JAMES!" Lily ran up to James and jumped on him, her legs wrapped around his waist. They kissed and laughed together. They looked so perfect together, all happy and smiley. He put her down and kissed her head.

"Maisy! How are you?" he smiled. I laughed at his glasses which were askew.

"I'm good thanks, and you?" I smiled back. It was so hard not to smile here…

"Not bad. Much better now you guys are here!" he said, giving Lily's waist a squeeze.

She giggled and kissed his neck. Aw aw aw! Anymore of that though, and I'll end up in the bog for the rest of the stay.

"Hey Lily."

Another voice entered the room, sullen and deep, but mesmerising and true, making my heart beat and my head race. Lily look at me and bit her lip,

"Hey Sirius."

Sirius. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Breathe Maisy, breathe.

"Good Christmas?" he said, sounding bored or pained.

"Yeah, lovely, Maisy came to stay." I turned around to face him, he was staring at me, his steel eyes unblinking, but his face unreadable. I tried to smile, to say something, but words just weren't coming out.

"Nice time?" he asked me, his mouth still as straight as a pin.

"Um…" I managed. Um. That's all I said.

"We have to freshen up!" Lily chirped from beside James. He gave her a quizzical look but let her go, pointing up the stairs.

"Second door on the left. Make yourselves at home."

I walked past Sirius as fast as I could, not looking at him, just staring straight ahead. When we reached our room, I fell against the wall and crouched into the foetal position. Lily was next to me in heartbeat, enveloping me in her arms. I should feel so safe here, so why do I feel like the worse is yet to come?

**She's still so beautiful. That was my first thought. It had only been, what, just over a week since I'd last seen her, but she was still as beautiful as ever. She looked so scared to be near me. Like I was a monster, like I would lash out or bite her or something. I wouldn't ever purposely hurt her. Ignoring her is turning into the best thing right now, I think. I hope.**

"**Oh Sirius," James said, patting my back. "How was that?"**

"**Easier than first expected."**

"**Liar."**

"**Okay, it was horrible. How am I going to manage this for a whole week, James?" He looked at me and gave me a goofy smile.**

"**You've got to win her back." **

"**And how do you intend I go about that? She hates me, James!"**

"**No, she truly doesn't."**

"**She does."**

"**Doesn't." He poked his tongue out.**

"**DOES."**

"**WHO IS DATING LILY HERE? ME! She doesn't hate you, mate. She's very much in love with you."**

"**Oh for fuck sake." I rubbed my face.**

"**Tell me about it."**

"**I hate my dad." I said.**

"**I hate your dad too." He laughed. I punched him playfully.**

"**I hate Ruby."**

"**Yeah, fuchsia wearing slag…" He punched his hands.**

"**And I could kill Jason… The bastard!"**

"**Urm…" James began to walk off. Comical.**

"**JAMES!" I shouted. Back me up here!**

"**Yes, Jason equals death." **

**We looked at eachother and laughed. **

"**So then, Cupid, how am I gunna do this?" I asked him, praying he had a plan.**

"**It's a masked ball, Sirius, anything goes."**

"Thankyou Bertha!" said Lily, taking the tray of macaroons from her.

"Lily, you're not gunna fit in your dress!" I laughed.

"Hey, shutup. I really fancied some macaroons!" She threw a mascara at me.

"Ugh! Stop it, I'm trying to do my hair here!" I said, pointing my wand at my hair. It bounced into ringlets. Then, with another flick, it assembled itself into a messy bun, with ringlets falling loosely from the back. There! Lovely.

"Your hair looks good! What am I gunna do with mine?" she said through bites.

"Well, you're wearing black yeah?"

"Yeah! Slimming!" she winked at me and I laughed.

"Straighten it? Sexy and sleek! To match the dress" I said. "Want me to do it?"

"Yes please! And you still want me to do your eyes?" she smiled at me in the mirror. I stood behind her and brushed through her auburn lochs.

"If you could, you know it goes all funny when I do it."

I pointed my wand at her roots and her hair slowly and gradually straightened, until her whole style was poker straight. It was pretty, especially with her sweeping fringe.

"Thankyou!" she said.

"You know you could have done that, you're better as charms than me!" I laughed.

"Not the point, I wanted you to practice!"

Bitch haha! I took her seat and span around to face her. She picked up a large vanity brush and started to powder my face in foundation. My skin looked pearlescent and flawless.

"Close your eyes a second," she said. I obliged and felt the spongy brushes sweep my eyelids. Then the cold liquid eyeliner tottered above my lashes.

"Done!" she said, spinning me around in the chair to face the mirror. "Doesn't someone look drop dead gorgeous!"

"Oh, wow. Thank you!" But Lily had already returned to her macaroons.

"Don't mention it!" she smiled.

I took off my robe and shimmied into the dress, zipping it from the side, feeling it hug every curve. It fit like a dream. I looked in the mirror and saw an alien staring back at me. Who was this imposter? She was beautiful!

"Maisy! Button me up?"

Lily's black dress was very low at the back and had 3 diamante buttons that rested just above her lower back. Her back was on show completely, making her look tall and glamorous. The front was cut with seam framing her hips and a scoop neck too perfect for words. She snapped on her new bracelet and added a pair of long, drop silver earrings. She looked like a celbrity.

"Not fair!" I huffed, pouting at her.

"What? Do I actually look fat?!" she asked, putting down her sixth biscuit and pushing the plate away from her.

"No! You look bloody gorgeous!" I said.

"Oh. Thanks."

"James will not be able to contain himself you know." I winked at her, picking up my mask.

"That was the general idea!" she laughed.

"You're very lucky Lily, you two are perfect together." I said, slicking lip gloss across my lips.

"You know who else are perfect together?"

"Ava and Remus?" I said. They were cute together I guess, but Ava and Lea had pulled out last minute, and Remus had decided to go with the girls to Ava's home. Ava's grandma was ill and she didn't want to be too far away this holiday. I felt for her.

"No."

"Well who!? The rest of us don't have anyone." I said, fake laughing. I should have someone.

"You and Sirius!" Ugh.

"Not this again Lily.. Not now."

"But Maisy, you guys are like a jigsaw! You fit! In every shape and form, you fit!" She said walking over to me. She placed her hands on my shoulders.

"When are you gunna tell him you love him?" she asked, seriously.

"I'm not."

"Why?"

"I'm scared, I guess."

"Of?"

"Him not reciprocating the feeling? It's been over a month Lily! He's better now, he got over it, he's happy!"

"He's not happy, Maisy."

"Well, I'm happy!"

"Stop lying to yourself Maisy. And stop lying to Sirius." She pleaded. "Please, at least talk to him."

"Drop it. I'm being serious. Drop it."

"Okay, okay chill. Want me to read out the rules again?" she said, smiling. It was so easy to forgive her. Even when she was the one talking sense.

"Go for it," I said, sitting on the bed and checking the clock. Half past seven. Fashionably late, nice.

"Okay. You must wear your mask at all times. Check. You can change your hair colour, but certainly not your eye colour. Eyes must always be on show through the mask, the rest should be subtly managed so you look different. Wait, shit, are we changing our hair colour?"

"Do you want to?"

"Well, no one else is ginger are they? So yeah!"

"Lily.. you're not gin…" But she'd already tapped her hair ad converted her fiery hair into hair the colour of sunflowers and sunshine, a golden blonde.

"Changing yours?" she asked, pointing the wand at me.

"No, I'll leave it, there will be loads of kids who don't know me there anyway." I smiled. She dropped her wand.

"Okay, if you insist. Okay the rest. You must find a partner by ten thirty. You must not disclose names or ages or information that could help your partner guess your identity. At 12 o'clock, all masks are removed, and you must kiss your partner. Okay that's it. You ready?" she said, obviously excited.

"What if you don't get James?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow.

"I'll be able to find him, don't you worry."

"But how?"

"Just trust me, I'll be able to find him. Who are you looking for tonight?" she asked deliberately.

"Not Sirius, anyone but him." She narrowed her eyes at me. "And not James!"

"Okay, good. Let's go then. And good luck."

**I've been stood here, in my penguin suit, for two hours, watching this girl. It's weird because yes I love Maisy but there's something so mesmerising about this one girl. **

**Whenever she moves, her dress kind of swells and sways like ocean waves, and the colour shimmers in the low lighting, making it look almost emerald green, but really it's like a bright turquoise. Her bust and her hips and her legs… She seems too perfect to be true.**

**I sipped my champagne again, eyes still on this Siren, the one that was going to lure me in and push me off the edge. If there was a Golden Fleece on the other side, then I've decided I'm prepared to take that risk. **

**A waiter passed, and I swapped my glass for two champagne flutes, and walked towards the girl. She was dazzling, leaning against the door frame. She was looking to her left, and was lazily holding her mask. Her hands were perfectly sculpted and seemed to glow. She saw me and her eyes widened.**

"**Hi." I said.**

"**Hi." She replied, still looking up at me.**

"**I brought you a drink," I said, handing her the glass. No shit Sirius! What the hell's wrong with you?**

"**Thanks, I was close to having to move to get my own." She laughed. Her laugh tinkled and made my heart swell. It sounded so pretty, and so familiar.**

"**You didn't want to move?" I asked, confused.**

"**No," she giggled again, angelically. "There's a guy over there in a terrible khaki suit who keeps winking at me."**

"**Ah," I said, laughing.**

"**I'm quite disturbed, so I thought I'd stay here, in the corner so no one could see me."**

"**Urrr, you're out of luck." I said.**

"**Why?" she asked, sipping slowly from the flute.**

"**Because I've been watching you all night, and you're not hidden away over here, you're practically the belle of the ball."**

"**Me?" she laughed. And placed her drink on the stand next to her.**

"**Of course!" I said, confused at her wild ways.**

"**I'm little more than ordinary."**

"**I hate to say this," because I truly did, I'm in love with Maisy, remember? "But you're ranking above amazing. And possibly coming equal to perfect."**

**She blushed crimson, which made her look even prettier somehow.**

"**I…"**

"**It's okay, you don't need to say anything. Dancing is one step closer to being understood." I said, offering her my arm. "Would you dance with me?"**

**She looked uncertain, then her never ending brown eyes smiled at me, "Of course, kind sir. What sort of lady could say no to a dance?"**

**Her arm tucked under mine, she felt small and fragile, and she looked overly beautiful underneath the soft lighting. The music was slow and atmospheric. I rest my hand on her waist and she flinched slightly. She put her head on my shoulder and sighed, leaning into my body. We stood there and swayed.**

I'm dancing! But I'm not dancing with Sirius! This is weird, truly weird…

I thought I'd somehow find him and think, woah that's him and we'd talk. But I couldn't find him. And then this perfect young man takes me as his partner. His eyes looked dark and gentle, and his voice was muffled from the music. But when I saw him, there was a connection. My conscience was singing, delighted that I'd found someone, _Dance with him! _It kept saying, _He's lovely! It's just a dance._

So, here I am, leant against his shoulder. He smelt familiar, like cologne I'd once tested or bought as a gift. His suit was thick and grey, woollen looking but soft to the touch. His hands touched my waist and I shivered. This was perfect. This is what I needed.

His other hand took mine and his thumb caressed my fingers delicately. He pulled our hands up to rest on his heart, pulling me closer and making us sway as one. I'd found my partner.

"I would say, tell me about yourself, but that's against the rules," he whispered in my ear. I smiled and giggled.

"I'm not one to break rules," I said, quietly. I felt him laugh under me, and his hand fell lower against my lower back.

"I want to tell you something though. Are we allowed to compliment eachother?" he asked. Oh god I hope so!

"I think so, there's no harm in trying," I said. I was still leant against his shoulder and I couldn't see his face. We were both facing in opposite directions.

"You smell good enough to eat," he whispered. I laughed again.

"This is a serious party!" I joked. He went still for a moment, then began to sway faster. I laughed even more. "Stop it!"

"Serious, isn't my kind of thing," he said, his breath so close to my neck that his lips could have been on them.

"Well, lets have a bit of fun then." Did I really just say that? I gulped, shit. I'm getting too carried away.

"I'm sorry…" he said.

"For what?" Shit! Don't go.

"I'm not the kind of person to have fun with girls either. I'm a relationship kind of guy." He laughed. Phew! I smiled in spite of myself.

"That's good to hear."

**See! I can be good to Maisy. I'm holding a girl of pure perfection in my hands and I've basically just let her down gently. I think I deserve some credit here!**

"**My turn to compliment?" she asked. Everytime she spoke, my whole body seemed to jolt into overdrive.**

"**I don't see why not." I said, caressing her back slowly in circles. Her dress felt like liquid in my hands.**

"**You are very well built, sir!"**

"**Why thankyou, due to my obsession with…"**

"**NO!" she said, laughing.**

"**What now?" I huffed, playing along.**

"**You can't tell me anything like that! I'm not allowed to know you." She whispered.**

"**Fine. It's good you're good looking then because otherwise…"**

"**Otherwise what," she teased, her lips in my hair.**

"**You're boring" I said, joking.**

"**Shutup!" she said, playfully knocking her head against mine. She's nice. I hope she's not a fake. It would be lovely to know her after this, talk to her properly.**

"**So, it's close to midnight.." she said.**

"**I guess." **

"**So, we're gunna have to kiss." She said simply.**

"**That's true." I was looking forward to it. Ha.**

"**So, when they said kiss properly, does that mean French, or cheek, or peck or what?" **

"**I'm pretty sure it means French at least." I said. She laughed.**

"**At least? Sir, you're rather forward." She rested her lips on my neck, I could smell her flowery perfume. She was wildly intoxicating.**

"**What can I say, you're a very persuasive girl." **

"**Lucky you," she whispered, eventually kissing my neck slowly and letting her head rest in the crevice of my collarbone. Just like Maisy used to. Oh for fuck sake. Get out of my head, Maisy!**

"**You ready?"**

"**I most certainly am." She said.**

"**Good, cos it's five minutes to go, and I'm counting down the seconds."**

Five minutes! Oh god, I hope he likes me. I bet he can feel my heart beat through his dinner jacket. How long have we been dancing here? Oh god, four minutes! I left my lipgloss upstairs! Damn. Okay okay, calm… three minutes.

"Let's go outside." He said, taking my hand and pulling me through the throng of people. I laughed at him, he was so free, so vibrant. He made me feel alive.

"The veranda?" I asked. It was large and he closed the glass doors, muting the music for this. I fell against the metal bars and breathed in the chilly air. I shivered.

"Oh god I didn't think about how cold it would be!" he said, pulling off his jacket.

"No, it's fine! I'll soon warm up."

"That you will," he said, pulling me into him and wrapping his jacket around us. He was so warm and tensed.

"The moon's so pretty like that," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"A new moon. A new beginning. The last month is cleared, and you live the next one differently."

"That's wise," he said, chuckling, probably at my nervous chatter.

"I need this new year," I said. I don't know where it came from. It may have been the atmosphere, or who I was with, but I was blurting out my life story to a complete stranger. This was so unlike me. I didn't tell anyone anything.

"And me," he said, wrapping both of his arms around my body protectively.

"FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE – HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

The house boomed into applause and song, as we stood watching the booming array of rainbow fireworks dust the midnight blue sky. He looked down at me,

"I guess this is it."

"This is it." I said. THIS IS IT.

"On three then?"

"Okay." Oh god, I'm so nervous.

"One…"

I smiled at him, holding the mask. He was watching me intensely. His eyes lighter in this new darkness, but still captivating.

"Two…" I said, beaming at him.

"Three." He said.

I pulled the mask from my face slowly, as he did, and stared into my partners eyes. Those familiar eyes.

**Her eyes said it all. How could I have been so ignorant? Did I see her so often in my head that I couldn't see her when she was right in my arms?**

**Before she could even speak, I wound my arms around her waist and pulled her up to me. She tilted her head in favour, and kissed me full on the lips. She wrapped her arms around my neck and grabbed onto my jacket, still kissing me. I slid my hands up her back and she moved closer, our bodies touching everywhere, so close that the biting cold was ignored, and the party was no more. **

**We weren't on a veranda. We couldn't see the stars or the fireworks or hear the drunken chorus of Auld Lands Eigne. The kiss deepened and soared, her hands were in my hair and then holding me so close, so close, like she didn't want to let go. She pulled away and kissed my neck, my eyes, my jaw line, and then my lips again. **

**I put my hand on her shoulders and pushed her from me. She looked at me, tears in her eyes. I looked at her waiting for a reaction. I went to speak, and she put her fingers to my lips.**

"**It's you, Sirius. It's always been you."**

**I kissed her fingers and smiled. I took her chin in my hand and tilted her head towards my lips.**

"**You're my forever, Maisy Heart."**

"**And you're my always, Sirius Black."**

**And we kissed, and put all apologies, heartbreak and lust into that kiss. And we stood there forever, living in each other's eye, breathing each other's air, and never letting go. I would never let go.**


	13. Chapter 13

6

Chapter 13

_Baby it's like you place a finger on my heart  
And your lips next to mine  
Make me think that maybe;_

_Heavens where you are_- Forever Love by Anna Nalick

_Sirius' POV_

"SIRIUS!"

Shit! What the hell?

"SIRIUS! WAKE UP!"

No, go away. It's sleep time. It's still night time.

I felt the covers lift and someone slip in beside me. I could feel smooth legs wrapped around my waist and soft hands caressing my neck.

"Sirius," she whispered.

WHAT THE HELL, WHY WAS I NOT AWAKE FOR THIS?!

I opened my eyes to see Maisy smiling at me, hair tousled, breath so fresh it tickled my face when she spoke.

"Good morning," she said, leaning in to kiss me. Was this real? Was this seriously happening to me?

"Is this real?" I said between her kisses.

"Uh-huh," she replied, kissing my neck and giggling softly.

"You're in my bed."

"I am."

"We're in bed together." I said. Wait, no this couldn't be real.

"SIRIUS!"

I fell out of bed with a thump and rubbed my eyes. James was stood by the door shouting at me.

"Now you get up!"

"Sorry, I was, err, dreaming." I said, getting up and itching the back of my head. AND IT WAS A GOOD DREAM ASWELL, YOU BASTARD.

"Well, it's breakfast time. And urm, yeah, the girls are down and I thought you wouldn't wanna miss breakfast. Am I correct?"

"Urrr, yeah okay, I'm coming." I said, leaving with him.

"Dude, put a t-shirt on. There are _ladies_ around," he laughed, running down the corridor to breakfast.

True. I grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it on whilst leaving the room. WAIT. BREATH! I ran back inside to the ensuite and rapidly scrubbed my teeth, gurgled and rinsed. There, lovely. Now I could run down to breakfast.

Halfway down I had second thoughts. Was last night even real? What if she was different this morning? So many thoughts, so little time. I'd reached the dining room. Sucking in my breath, I opened the door…

The girls were in their pyjamas still, tousled hair and fresh faces, exactly like I'd dreamt. Maisy was sat with her wholemeal slice of toast, sipping from a glass of orange juice. She looked up at me and smiled, so bright that it lit the room. I smiled back and took the seat beside her.

Lily and James were talking opposite, laughing and flirting playfully. James kept pecking her cheek at ridiculous moments, it was really quite cute.

"Good morning," I said, smiling at Lily, who smiled back at me between laughing at James. "Good morning, Maisy." I said, picking up the bowl of beans.

"Good morning, Sirius." She said. I looked at her, she was looking at her plate, beaming bright. I smiled, and continued to pile my plate high.

"Good night?" I said. She giggled and turned to me.

"Only the greatest. How was yours?" she asked, eyes wide.

"Ranks first out of all of my good nights, I believe," I said. She smiled, and it melted my heart.

"OI!"

Oh shit.

"James, good morning." I said. Lily laughed and slapped James' hand away from the rack of toast, helping herself to two more pieces. Jesus.

"Why are you two talking to each other?" he said, indicating us with his finger. Lily looked up, shocked. Maisy hadn't told her.

"No reason," said Maisy. Lily was watching her every move.

"Actually…" I said, but Lily got there first.

"You guys have a secret!" she said, spraying crumbs of toast everywhere. Nice.

"Like I was about to say… We're talking now, and we're gunna be talking now for a very long time, if that's okay with you?" I said. James smiled at me.

"No skin off my nose," said Lily.

"Or mine." Said James.

"Good, because we're a couple." I said, grinning like a naughty school kid.

"WE ARE?!" Maisy cried from next to me.

"Of course." I said, delighted at her perfect reaction.

"Boyfriend and Girlfriend?" she inquired, still looking at me.

"That's the idea, Maisy." I said nonchalantly, spreading jam on my toast.

"Sirius?" she whispered, she was very close, and James and Lily were fooling around again.

"Yes?" I said, still spreading my toast.

"I love you." She said, and moved away, to her breakfast. I turned to her this time, awe-struck. She indicated the piece of toast, and ate the whole slice in front of me. That was her way of 'I love you' and 'sorry' and 'thank you' all rolled into one. But this was my idea.

She would probably taste of toast, but whatever. I moved close and kissed Maisy full on the lips, until she went weak under my touch. She was giddy and giggly and chatty. She was my sunrise.

That was what I wanted to wake up to every morning.

*

"Stop it!" she laughed uncontrollably, tugging at my arms.

"Beg for mercy! Say you're sorry!" I said, laughing at her, and tickling her in the ribs.

"Never!" she cried, still writhing under my touch.

"Say it!" I say, pulling her up to my height and tickling her in the kidneys.

"No!" she continued to say, still laughing. I kissed her.

"Say it now!" I said. She laughed even harder.

"No way!" I kissed her again, and let my fingers travel up her back.

"SAY IT!" She kissed me when I turned around.

"OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY."

"Say it."

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Saying your hair looked flat and lifeless."

"And why is that bad?" She smirked and I gave her a sarcastic look. She straightened up.

"Because your hair is beautiful and always full, thick and luscious."

"Never say anything about my hair again."

"Okay," she said, pulling me down onto the sofa, and wrapping herself around me. She smelled like freesias, again.

"Can I ask you something?" she whispered, twisting her hair in her fingers.

"Anything." I said, nuzzling into her soft cheek.

"Hold me like this forever."

I looked down at her sad eyes and couldn't help but crumble under her look. I nodded and kissed away her tears, and I held her. And I held her. And I held her.

*

"I'm so happy for you, mate." James said on the last night of the holidays. We were packed and ready and lounging around in his room. Lily and Maisy had gone to bed hours ago, but we were still talking.

"Thanks. I'm happy too!" I said smiling uncontrollably.

"You think Lily's happy? With me?" he asked, staring at the ceiling.

"Urrr, duh!" I said, laughing. "She looks at you like nothing else exists, mate. I think she's happy."

"Oh, right, good." He said distractedly.

"Why, what's up?" I asked, sitting up and propping myself up on the pillows.

"She's just so so happy that it seems unnatural." He said.

"And that's a bad thing? You're just paranoid!" I said.

"Yeah, guess so. I do love her though. Like, beyond reason. Beyond words can explain."

"I know how you feel."

"She's so forward and courageous and inquisitive, she's always there, always happy, always chatty…"

"Mhmm…"

"And New Year's Eve, it was like it was just us, no one else."

"That's how…"

"And it was her idea! All her idea…"

"Wait. Now I'm confused."

"What dyu mean?"

"What are we talking about?" I asked. He looked confused.

"Sex?"

"Oh…" Right, didn't think that was coming.

"Yeah. At school, Sirius! Room of Requirement, secrecy, everything. She was just… Well, I love her."

"Thanks James, lovely images here."

"HA, sorry. But I was wondering what you thought. Is this all too fast or what?"

"Na mate, you guys have basically been dating since second year, well in your eyes anyway. She's a smart girl, and she's in love. First time's a big thing James."

"Yeah, I know. She looked so scared I was petrified. But then she smiled and it was like the world had righted itself. Like we were meant to be."

"That's great, James…" I said, laughing. Oh god the images.

"We're gunna be Aurors, ya know."

Woah. "Really? That's amazing!"

"Yeah, we signed up last year, and we start in September."

"This sounds so permanent!"

"It is. She's the one, I can feel it in my bones."

I smiled and looked up at the sculpted ceiling. The real world was such a long way off. Where would Maisy go? Who would look after her? What would she do?

"Maisy's the one." I said, instinctively.

He sat up and looked at me. "Well, DUH!"

We laughed and simmered into silence. I thought about life after Hogwarts. Getting a job, growing up, getting married having kids. And Maisy was in every thought. Every thought of every part of my life, Maisy was there, holding my hand, or urging me on. She was my forever, and I was her always. There was no doubt about it. These thoughts aren't dreams, they're reality.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_To you, I would give the world  
To you, I'd never be cold  
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you  
It's alright, I know it's right_- Songbird by Eva Cassidy

_Maisy's POV_

Going back to Hogwarts is like returning home from a long trip abroad and falling back into comfort, relishing it like luxury. School is no exception. The four poster beds, the open fires, the echoic corridors, scents of cooking wafting up from the kitchens – all this, and more, is what I class as home.

Here with Sirius, it truly does feel like home is here to welcome us back with open arms. We're unpacked, we're studying, then we're talking, then we're sleeping, and before you know it, period one has crept up on us.

"Remind me why we take this subject again?" Sirius sighed from next to me. His voice was muffled from his face being led on the table.

"Because it was an easy option," I said, lifting his head up from the desk. "C'mon, we know this!"

"Right right, okay, the main function of a hairdryer?" he asked me.

I looked at him. Shit, I should know this!

"I've got no bloody idea, do you?"

He laughed, "No a clue sweet, not a clue!"

I looked around the rest of the class who looked in pain from the lesson. The professor had left momentarily to grab her notes. I saw Jason look over from the front of the class. Ha, the swelling had gone down.

"Ruby's staring at us," Sirius whispered to me.

"Weird, I was just about to say that Jason keeps regarding us with distaste." I said.

"It's cos you're so hot," we both said at the same time. We laughed, causing more glares from the rest of the studious class.

"Fine, we're both hot!" Sirius huffed, fluffing up his hair.

"But neither of us are intelligent in this field of work. LOOK! Name the three main parts of a bike? How am I meant to know this?" I asked, looking at him for help. He was restraining himself from laughing.

"Studying? I don't know. Something we should do more of!" he said.

"More studying?"

"No. More of this…" He leaned in to kiss me and we both fell off of our stools onto the floor. Nobody laughed, but the whole class seem to shuffle uncomfortably. I, however, was doubled over in laughter, pushing Sirius off of me.

"Did Jason see?" I asked him.

"Oh yeah, definitely." He said, and we both laughed again at our own immaturity.

*

"Everyone is staring."

"No they're not!"

"Everyone is staring except James, who's too busy with his chicken pie. Oh, and you, who has gone back to her lasagne!" I hissed at Lily. She sighed and put down her fork.

"Okay. Everyone is staring."

"I knew it!" I said, putting my head in my hands to sulk.

"What's up with her?" Sirius asked. Lily didn't reply. "Oi." He said, poking me with a fork. Romantic, truly thoughtful. "What's wrong?"

"Everyone's staring!" I pouted.

"No they're not."

"TAKE A LOOK AROUND THEN." I shouted at him, suddenly heated by the lack of response. He, in turn, sighed and put down his cutlery.

"Jason is staring. And Ruby just turned around too. Want me to kiss you again?" he laughed, wrapping his arm around my waist.

I continued to sulk, "No. You don't care, I hate it when people stare."

"Is it really bugging you that much?"

"Yes it bloody well is!"

"Okay, hold on."

He stood up on the bench and manoeuvred bowls of mashed potatoes and green beans to the side. He then stood up on the oak table and cleared his throat. What was he doing?

"Get down!" I hissed, pulling at his trouser legs.

"Maisy, I never knew you wanted _that_ from me too," he teased, winking at me.

"No time for jokes Sirius, get down!" Oh god, now the whole school would be watching. He cleared his throat again, louder this time. Professor McGonagall straightened up in her seat and Dumbledore looked positively delighted by this deal of dinner and entertainment tonight. Professor McGonagall went to stand up by Dumbledore gestured her to sit down. She turned to watch Sirius, eyes mad.

"Hello Hogwarts. Right, I know you're all gossiping and spreading rumours right now, but if you could please listen up, thanks. Right. Maisy Heart is my girlfriend. We're together now. I love her too much to put into words. Okay? So, stop the staring, she doesn't like it, and I can't have my woman being all upset over you fools. Have a lovely evening."

And with that, he sat down. Some Gryffindors wooped and applauded, James being one of the loudest. Every person on our table was laughing at his forward manner, whereas the rest of the school was whispering incessively – Sirius Black has a girlfriend!

I think I even saw three girls leave in tears. Whatever.

"Sirius, that wasn't funny."

"Who said it was meant to be!" he said, feigning shock.

"Not funny! Everyone's whispering now…"

He swung his legs over the bench, indicating that he would stand up again, "Do you want me to sort 'em out?"

"NO!" I shouted. He laughed.

"I'm only joking love. I'm sorry I couldn't deal with any rumours really. Better to get things out in the open. Much better," he said, leaning his chin on my shoulder and looking up at me.

"Are you mad?" He said, through puppy dog eyes.

Ugh. "No, I'm not mad, Sirius." I said, smiling. I kissed him sweetly, a thank you for the long run.

"Good," he said, holding my hand on top of the table and picking at his pastry.

"How much did you have?" he asked seriously, pointing at my plate.

"Enough." I said.

"How. Much." He said again.

"Okay, not much, just some broccoli and a little bit of pie. But I'm full!"

He looked at me sadly and shook his head. "You worry me so much."

"It's fine, you don't need to worry. It's not like I go back to my dormitory and throw it all back up afterwards!"

"Don't you?" he said, hanging his head.

"No, I don't."

"WELL, I'm force feeding you dessert!" he said, suddenly elated.

"You are not." I said, glancing at the table still laden with main course dishes – thank god.

"Awh, c'mon! It'll be romantic." He nudged me playfully and laughed. I smiled.

"Tell you what would be MORE romantic?"

"Ooh, what?"

"Studying for that Transfiguration test."

"NOOOOOOOOO. Please no!"

"I can't do it though!" I said, pleading with my eyes. "Please help me! Pleasssse!"

"You know I would have helped you anyway, I just enjoy being dramatic." He smiled.

"Nawh, you truly are the perfect boyfriend," I said, leaning in for a kiss when I heard…

"OOOOOH LEMON MERINGUE!" from next to me. Lily's favourite.

While I'd turned, Sirius had grabbed a profiterole,

"Open wide!" and crashed it into my mouth, chocolate and cream spilling all around my mouth. I looked at him in mock horror, trying not to laugh.

"It's okay, I can get that off!" he said. "On second thoughts, we should probably do it in private, it's not for a PG audience." He pulled me from the bench and we ran through the hall and out into the Entrance Hall, only making it to the Second floor before his lips were crushed on mine, and the profiterole mess was history, the sweet kisses just an excuse to leave.

*

"I give up," I said, slamming the book shut and turning to Sirius.

"Why's that," he said innocently, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling.

"Because I can't study with you doing that!"

"Doing what?"

"Kissing my neck, caressing my waist, Sirius!" I said. He laughed, as per usual and led across my lap.

"Well I can't study with you doing that!" he said, in offence.

"I wasn't doing anything!"

"Yes you were, you were being all sexy and lovely and Maisy-ish." Bless him, aw aw aw! Fuck the test!

"I apologise," I replied, gazing down at him. He looked up at me in horror.

"Don't."

"Why?"

"Because you're perfect. I wouldn't have you any other way." I smiled and kissed him.

"GET A ROOOOOOOOOM!" Lily called from behind us.

Sirius sat up and rubbed his neck, he clicked it and I flinched.

"Don't DO that!" I said, pouting.

"Sorry," he laughed.

"Urrr yeah anyway, you told me to tell you when it got to ten, and it's ten now," Lily said, smiling at me.

"Thanks! Yeah I'm coming to bed now." I said. She smiled and left, as I got up to go upstairs.

"Don't go now!" Sirius said.

"Sirius, c'mon, I'm tired, I need sleep – beauty sleep!" I mocked.

"If you sleep for beauty then trust me, you could stay awake forever."

"Stop it! I need to go to bed!" I laughed as he tugged my arm and pulled me back into his arms on the sofa.

"A specific bed?!" he teased, kissing my neck repeatedly. I always melt when he does that. But no, not tonight!

"YES, MINE!" I laughed.

"Let's go then!" he joked, picking me up and carrying me up the stairs with ease. He dropped me at the door and kissed me on the forehead, lingering for a moment.

"Night, Maisy."

"Night Sirius."

We both turned to go into our separate dorms before crashing back into each other for a good night kiss.

"I thought you weren't gunna give me that!" Sirius said, smiling.

"I was thinking about it!" I laughed, pecking his lips quickly and disappearing inside my dorm. I heard him laugh from outside then shut the boy's dormitory. I sighed, a mellow sigh that only escapes when you're just blissfully happy.

"He just gets cuter and cuter!"

"Yeah, I know," I said automatically, falling onto my bed in a daze.

"I know right! Remus is just, beyond sweet and caring and kind and yeah, we're meant to be, I can tell!"

"Aww, that's lovely Ava," said Lily. Her voice was muffled, she must be eating again. Sure enough, when I got up to pull on some pyjamas, she was munching on a granola bar. I looked at her and she cocked her eyebrow,

"What?"

"Nothing," I laughed.

"You eat so much and you're so skinny!" Lea seethed from her own bed.

"It's my hardcore metabolism," Lily laughed.

"Well, lucky you. I hope Rich never sees me on a binge!" Lea added. Ava giggled.

"Who's Rich?" I asked.

"This guy who works in the village shop where Ava lives. He's totally gorgeous, and older! And he's promised to write while I'm here. I got a letter this morning. He's so sweet!" Lea gushed.

"Aw, everyone's in love!" Lily shrieked, delighted in the thought of us all being happy, I presume.

"It's nice," I said, falling into my fluffy pillows.

"Tis," Ava sighed.

"Yeah," said Lea, dreamily.

"All in favour of sleeping now and dreaming of their boyfriends, say I!" Lily laughed.

"I!" we all chorused.

And sure enough, knowing that Sirius was going to be there as soon as I woke up, lulled me to sleep like a lullaby, and he darted in and out of my dreams for the rest of the night, making me feel like I never wanted to wake up.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_Would you mind if I hurt you?_

_Understand that I need to_

_Wish I had other choices_

_Than to harm the one I love_- What Have You Done by Within Temptation

_Maisy's POV_

"AND THAT'S JAMES POTTER HEADING FOR THE HOOPS, HE'S DODGED BLACK, HE SHOOTS! HE SCORES! ONE HUNDRED AND TEN POINTS TO FIFTY!"

I smiled and waved at Sirius who was watching the stands from his broom. He lazily smacked a bludger at an opposing player and smiled in spite of himself when his strike had hit the target with a penetrating 'oomph.'

"HOW WILL SLYTHERN GET OUT OF THIS MESS? THE GRYFFINDOR CHASERS ARE ON FIRE!"

I wooped from the stands and cheered loudly as James ripped across the field, tossing the quaffle between the team and pausing to shoot through the central hoop. The crowd erupted.

"That's ANOTHER TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!"

C'mon, c'mon Lea, we need the snitch, we need the snitch!

"Did you want a bit?" Lily asked, holding out her toffee apple to me.

"I'm good thanks," I said, laughing at her. She resumed chomping on her apple. I picked up our binoculars and zoomed in on Lea, who was darting around above the rest of the players, spinning on her broom to catch any sight of the snitch. The snow was falling thick now, and it was hard to see Sirius across the pitch.

"We're gunna win!" Lily cheered at James took the quaffle through the hoops again and again. "LOOK AT LEA!"

As she said it, the Gryffindor crowd began to buzz in excitement. Lea was diving for the sandy ground, hand outstretched. She was tipped so far over her broom that she could have easily fallen off. Reaching out the snatch the snitch, it darted away deviously, causing the Slytherin seeker to pull up last minute and collide with the stands. Lea punched her hand in the air triumphantly, causing the Slytherin supporters to boo and hiss.

"SHUTUP, YOU SORE FUCKING LOSERS!" Lily shouted at them.

Ha, legend. Sirius smacked another bludger into the back of the Slytherin captain's head, causing him to fall to the ground unconscious. Barbaric, but brilliant! Sirius turned to me through the icy shower and grinned.

"Oi, SIRIUS! GET BACK TO THE GAME!" James shouted, jesting. He smiled at Lily and sprinted down the pitch to defend the Gryffindor hoops. Our keeper was down with flu and wasn't up to his best standard. James span his broom to smack the quaffle away from our goal then hastily caught the quaffle. The Slytherin chasers were suddenly all around him at one point, surrounding him so he was unable to move. Sneakily, James feigned resistance, then dropped the quaffle beneath him, which was picked up by a Gryffindor fifth year and sent through the hoop easily. It was a superb effort, but Lily was enraged,

"WHAT THE HELL! GET OFF HIM YOU TWATS! GET BACK TO YOUR LOSING GAME!"

"Lily, c'mon, James is fine, he knew what to do, he was playing along!" I said, grabbing her shoulder.

"Not the point! He could have fallen off and died! He could have died! OH MY GOD THIS GAME IS SO VIOLENT!"

"You didn't realise?"

"WELL NOW I DO!"

"He's very skilled, it's fine."

"True, and the uniform makes him look rather buff, so it's worth it." I laughed at her as she sipped from her flask of juice.

I looked for Sirius, who was high above the stands watching the game. I hadn't realised before, but the muscles in his arms seemed to tense and expand through the uniform, making him look masculine and absolutely gorgeous! Snap out of it Maisy, snap out of it!

"You're watching Sirius now aren't you! I _told_ you they looked buff!" Lily guffawed, jumping up and down. She stopped and looked slightly pained for a second.

"Too much juice?"

"Yeah, don't you hate it when that happens?" she laughed, massaged her stomach and pulling out a granola bar from her bag.

"It's lunch soon!" I said, taking a bite from her granola bar.

"Yeah but these are so I don't go mental when I see another Slytherin dick come anywhere near James!"

"Okay, you may eat it." I said, giggling. She was so strange.

"I think Lea's seen the snitch again!" I said, grabbing my binoculars, following her movement as she sped through the crowd of players towards the Slytherin stand. Sure enough, the golden bal was playfully dancing across their stand, and they were oblivious to it. The Slytherin seeker was still on the ground, watching from safety. He saw Lea's gloved hand stretch out for a second time and tried to kick up from the ground, but his injuries stopped him from moving as he doubled over in pain. Ha. That'll teach ya!

"SHE'S GOT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR HAS GOT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WIN!"

Lily screamed and I shrieked loudly, delighted at our win. PARTY IN THE COMMON ROOM NOW, DEFINITELY! HA. Sirius and James flew over towards us on their brooms, both tipping themselves off to hug us and kiss us, both elated with the win. There were 'aww's from the crowd and a camera flashed from behind us. I didn't care, right now I was here with Sirius, celebrating his win, together.

*

"What am I going to wear?!" Lily shrieked, pulling clothes out of her drawers and discarding them on the bed.

"What about that green dress? The fitted one?" I said, pulling a black halter neck over my head.

"Oh, oh yeah. That would look good!" she said, flinging open the wardrobe doors and pulling out a dress the colour of glittering emeralds. It matched her eyes, and she always looked stunning in it.

"I'm just gunna wear a pair of dark denim shorts, will that look okay?" I asked, watching her try to zip up the dress with difficulty.

"Yeah, that would look sexy!" she said, gawping at me in my outfit. "You look so skinny!" she said, sitting on her bed and beginning to cry. "I just look fat in everything!"

"No you do not!" I said, coming over to zip her up. It was difficult, but manageable. "See? Skinny as ever!" I said, smiling at her. "Now go sort those tears out, your makeup's running."

Appalled, she ran to the bathroom to dab under her eyes and apply more powder. Sure, she looked curvier but she was eating loads. She always ate loads but those granola bars were having an effect…

"It's those damn granola bars!" she seethed, brushing through her hair. "Fucking love them, but they're a bitch on my hips!"

"Lily, you look fine. Seriously! You look curvier. It's nice," I said, moisturising my legs.

"I guess," she replied, walking back into the room and pulling on a pair of black heels.

"What does James think?" I asked her, she looked up and laughed.

"OH, he would think I looked lovely as the half ton man, let's be honest!"

"See? You have nothing to worry about!"

"Maybe, but I still feel inside like I should stop all this shit, and tone up a bit."

"If you've got the willpower, then do it!"

"Yeah, yeah I will," she replied, standing up and tottering over to the door. "You ready?" she winced in pain as she opened the door, not good.

"You sure you're feeling well? Maybe you've caught a bug?"

"It'll pass, I'm sure it's just the flu coming or something?"

"You sure? You look like you're about to throw up."

"Nah, I'll be fine," she said, but her smile didn't reach her eyes. I decided not to push it, and left the dormitory to the party that was in full swing in the common room.

*

"I LOVE THIS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!" I shouted loudly, putting my glass on the table and grabbing the hand of the boy stood next to me.

"NOT ELTON JOHN!" Sirius begged from behind me. Whatever! He was so coming to dance.

"DANCE WITH MEEEEEE!" I shouted at him, pulling his hand into the centre of the dancers. "You've never danced with me before!"

"I sure did, for three hours straight!" He laughed at me.

"Not the point Sirius! We need to dance properly!" I yelled, spinning on the spot. "OOOOOOOOOH OOOOOOH NOBODY KNOWS ITTTTTTT!"

He laughed, grabbing my waist and pulling me round. "Didn't know you were a fan of Kik Dee either!"

"There's LOTTTTTTTTTTTS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME!" I laughed, spinning again into him. "I'm a good dancer too!"

"I can tell!" he said laughing. "Especially when you're so drunk!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

"I SAID, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE SO DRUNK," he shouted over the music. Drunk? Pah!

"Ha, I'm not drunk babe!" I said. "RIGHT FROM THE START, I GAVE YOU MY HEARTTTT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I GAVE YOU MY HEA-AR-AR-ARTTTTTTTTT!"

Sirius held on of my hands and span me into him, catching my lower back and securing me next to him. "If you're not drunk, then I'm a Slytherin."

Oh. There was that. "BUT DON'T YOU LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THIS SONG?!" I yelled over the oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oooooooohs.

"Yes Maisy, it's a lovely song." He was still laughing at me. I saw James and Lily dancing next to us and I tapped her shoulder, smiling wide.

"THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG!" I shouted to her.

"I know," she said laughing. She then turned to Sirius. "Don't take advantage of my best friend in this state mind!" she said as I turned around and fell on my ankle. Oh the pain! Don't you hate it when you crash your ankle in heels.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWHH!" I yelled. "Ow ow ow owwwwwwwwww!"

"Come here," Sirius said, pulling my arm over his shoulder and walking me towards the chairs. I cried in spite of the pain.

"It hurtsssss!" I said, pouting out my lower lip and collapsing into the chair. Sirius bent down in front of me and placed some ice around my ankle.

"That's COLD, SIRIUS!" I yelled at him, batting away his hand.

"That's point, silly!" he said, still laughing at me. Why was he still laughing at me?

"You're laughing at me!"

"I know," he said, _still_ laughing.

"Why! This isn't funny! I could have fallen and died!" I spat at him. He looked almost fit to burst.

"Oh god, I love you!" he said, putting the ice down and leaning in to kiss me.

"No way!" I said, turning my head away so he collided with my cheek.

"So that's how you wanna play it?" he asked haughtily. "FINE!" he said, as he scooped me up and pulled me back on the dancefloor.

I can't dance, what the hell!

"I can't dance, I'm dying! Look at my poor ankle!" I sniffed.

"Hold on," he said, bending down to pull off my heels and discard them across the room. He then pulled me up from under my arms, leaving me to rest against his body, my feet on his feet. He was dancing for the both of us.

"AWWWWWWWWW!" I said.

"What now?" he sighed, looking at me in confusion.

"You're so lovely," I said, resting my head back on his lapel and inhaling his smell. "And you smell really really nice!"

"Good enough to eat?" he mused.

"Yes!" I laughed.

"Then I would like to add that you have a really lovely body!" he said, laughing. It was like New Years, and it was lovely.

"Oh Sirius, you charmer!" I said, smacking him playfully. He laughed and hugged me to him harder, his head falling against mine.

"Now, this is my favourite song," he said, as the music slowed down drastically. A bit of Lionel Richie?

Sirius bent his head to my ear and put his lips to my ear, "Say you, say me; say it for always." My whole body tingled and I smiled.

"That's the way it should be," I whispered back to him. He pulled me tighter.

"Say you, say me; say it together," he whispered back.

"Naturally." He held me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes with such an intensity and passion that my knees buckled. He kissed me and rested his hand on my back, below my neck, holding me close, securing us together. We were slowly dancing on the spot, still entwined, still consumed with each other.

"You know," he said, pulling away and smiling. "This would be even more romantic if I couldn't taste stale vodka every time I kissed you."

I laughed, what a dick. "I'm offended!" I jested.

"I'm feeling intoxicated by your alcoholic fumes, Miss!" he said, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him close.

"Oh no, cos the whole world has got you dancing," I sang into his ear, nuzzling into his hair. "It's time to start believing."

"Oh yes, believing who you are." Sirius crooned back to me. I was pent up with energy and elation, it was almost impossible to breathe. "Believing who you are; you're my shining star."

"WRONG!" I giggled at him. "It's _you are_ a shining star, not you're my shining star!"

"So? I thought I'd mess them up a bit."

"Why? It's such a lovely song."

"Because you _are _my shining star, Maisy Heart. Always have been, always will be."

My heart stopped and my breath caught in my throat as he paused just before my lips, teasing me. I pulled him down to me, pushing my hands against the back of his head. The music was drowned out, the common room was unapparent, life was just a blur. The only thing that mattered was here and now.

*

"You truly are a marvellous dancer," I said, dancing with Sirius.

"Why thankyou, you're a marvellous drinker!" he laughed.

"Oh come on, I feel better now," I said.

"Yes, well… It was amusing, MY GIRL CAN DRINK!" he jeered, tickling my ribs then kissing my forehead.

"Okay, okay, you've had your fun!" I laughed.

"You're still beautiful when you're drunk," he mused, kissing my neck.

"Stop it!" I said, brushing away his kisses.

"What?" he asked, put out by my actions.

"My will power isn't as strong as yours, Sirius Black!" I pealed, running my fingers down his neck. His shirt was unbuttoned at the top, and you could just about see his chest as he danced.

"Then give in," he whispered seductively. I paused mid dance and he stopped with me, holding my lower back with both hands and staring into my eyes.

"Not now, not like this," I said, embarrassed and ashamed of what I'd said. I'd turned down my own boyfriend.

"I understand," he said in my ear.

"I'm sorry," I cracked under the pressure. Tears began to fall.

"Hey, hey! Oh Maisy don't be silly," he said, wiping away my tears with his thumb. "What's there to be sorry about, eh?" he smiled.

"I just feel so stupid and immature up to you sometimes." I choked, grabbing the front of his shirt and holding myself against him. He melted into me, comforting me like a child.

"Immature? You? Never," he said, leaning his chin on the top of my head.

"I love you," I said, my voice muted by his neck, but he heard all the same.

"I love you too, though probably more if you were undressed…"

"SIRIUS!" I yelled, hitting him on his head.

"Okay, I joke, you know I joke. Nothing like that matters to me, Maisy. Because just being here, with you, and holding you here, is more than I could dream of."

"You're just saying that," I said, giggling.

"No, I truly mean it. Nothing could make me happier than being here with you."

"Weird, I feel the same way," I smiled at him so he understood my teasing.

"I'm worried, right now." He said, looking over towards the staircase, ignoring my quizzical looks.

"What's wrong?" I was worried now, god!

"Because soon, I'm going to have to let go of you…" he sighed. "And I don't want this night to end."

*

I walked into the dormitory late that night. Lea and Ava were sound asleep in their beds, but I saw that Lily was missing. I looked around for her and even poked my head out into the common room, where a few naughty couples were still dancing and petting. Where was she?

I heard a sob from the bathroom and paused to open the door. Oh god, what would I find in here?

Lily was sat in the corner, still wearing her dress, her heels thrown in a heap by the basin. She was crying, her mascara flooding her tears, criss crossing down her cheeks. Her hair was a mess, and the room smelt putrid, like vomit. I walked over to her steadily and kneeled down in front of her. Had James done this?

"Lily?" She jerked her head upwards and began to shake with her sobs. "Oh Lily, what's wrong?" I asked.

Her eyes were dull and sore, her mouth pursed slightly. She put up her hand and bent over the cistern, coughing and retching violently. I slowly rubbed her back and wiped her mouth with some tissue. She hiccoughed and looked up at me.

I held her hands in mine, she was shaking uncontrollably, he speak was faltered. "Maisy, I'm so stupid."

"No you're not, sweety! No you're not…"

"You don't get it. I _am _stupid. So beyond stupid that I can't believe that…" she stopped and brought her hand to her mouth, heaving from her crying.

"What? What's happened?"

"I'm late." She said, staring at the bathroom tiles, wringing a tissue in her hands.

"What do you mean, you're late?"

"That I'm late Maisy, weeks and weeks late!" she dissolved into more tears.

"This has happened before. Surely! It's stress and school and Petunia's wedding and…" She shook her head sadly, sucking in the air and exhaling loudly. My own body seemed to contort with fear.

"No, it's not that. Not this time."

"Then…" Oh god. No.

"Maisy, I'm pregnant."


	16. Chapter 16

10

Chapter 16

_Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart  
__Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay  
Just another day; _

_And then I'll hold you tight_- Gotta Get Thru This by Daniel Bedingfield

_James' POV_

Not many people can have a perfect life. Perfect lives are hard to come by, and lots of people truly take them for granted. I, however, don't.

I have a perfect life. I have a perfect family, who take care of me well and celebrate all of my achievements. I have perfect team mates who respect me and always play to their strongest ability. I have perfect friends who are happy and carefree and are always on hand to help me if I'm in trouble, or start up a new prank. I have perfect grades, I study and I work hard, and it all pays off. And, most of all, I have a perfect girlfriend, who's only presence sets my heart in motion and lights up my day every time I see her.

Today is one of those perfect days. It's sunny and crisp, a morning that has dawned from a fairytale. The lake is frozen and glinting beams of sunlight about the grounds which are covered in a thick blanket of white snow. The trees look like they have been dusted with icing sugar and look somewhat welcoming up to their usual gloomy and unnerving feel. The games keeper's hut looks like a Christmas pudding, smoking steadily and looking inviting and cosy. The sky is a periwinkle blue, with no dancing clouds, just the hazy sun that burns relentlessly through the bitter chill. And, to top all of that off, Lily is walking with me, hand in hand, through this winter wonderland.

She's wearing about eighty layers of clothing, a huge cream woollen scarf and a pair of cream mittens, and she's still cold. Her face is fresh and product free, her hair whipping about her head in the scathing wind. Her button nose is red with cold, and her breath is coming out in wafts of ice. And she's still a vision.

"What?" she asked me, biting her lip.

"Nothing, I was just admiring you." I said, corny I know.

"Oh."

"Is something up, Lils?" I asked her. She opened her mouth the speak and stopped, chewing on the inside of her mouth.

"Nope, nothing at all."

"You hungry?" I asked, teasing her.

"Ha." She said. Ha? Was that it?

"I was only joking love, it's just all those granola bars had become a permanent fixture in our relationship, it's weird seeing you without one." I laughed, it echoed around the grounds.

"Huh, oh, yeah." She said, watching her boots as she walked through the snow, kicking it lightly with her toe point.

"There's something wrong," I said. I knew something was wrong. "What happened last night?"

"Last night?" she cried, looking flustered and guilty. "Oh nothing, I just felt a bit ill from the drink and everything…"

I didn't believe her.

"Lily, you only had one drink."

"Yeah, so it must have been just one. Didn't react well with those granola bars," she laughed nervously, but I stood staring at her, not amused at her lying.

"You never lie to me." I said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "What did you do last night?"

"Nothing! I went to bed, that's it!" she steamed, glaring at me. That was my fiery Lily, but not my convincing Lily.

"Is there another guy, Lily?" I asked, accusing her out right and becoming steadily angry.

"What?" she said, mouth open.

"So there is?" Breathe, James, breathe. You can handle this. "And he's gone to Hogsmeade today and you thought, hey I better go with James, seeing as he's my _boyfriend._"

"I can't believe you're accusing me of _cheating _on you!" she said, her eyes brimming with tears.

"What else could it be? You're lovely, then angry. You're always eating out of guilt! You disappear on me really early in the night, for the past week, telling me you're tired? I'm not stupid you know!"

"James! There's no one else!" she said, holding onto my arm. I looked down at her dewy eyes and trembling mouth. "You have to believe me." She whispered, breaking on the final word, burying her head into my chest. "Please believe me."

I felt sick with myself. How could I say that to her? Maybe she was just tired or PMT or whatever, she wouldn't cheat on me! What the fuck was my problem!?

"I'm sorry," I said, patting her back soothingly, waiting until she had calmed down.

"I love you." She said. "I can't imagine life without you."

"I know."

"I would never hurt you on purpose, James. Never," she said, putting her hand on my cheek and trying to smile.

"Then what's wrong Lily? Tell me what's wrong? It's killing me! I know there's something up, you look so sad and tired." Not the best compliment to give your girlfriend, but it was the truth.

"Just do one thing for me," she asked. I smiled at her.

"Anything."

"Tell me you love me." She said, looking up at me with her almond eyes, manipulating her mouth into a small smile.

"I. Love. You." I said, kissing her lips with each word. She looked even sadder now, shivering in the cold and blinking away the tears.

"Okay." She inhaled deeply and took my hands. Oh god, what was so bad that she had to act like this?

"James, I'm pregnant."

Okay, that was bad.

"Please tell me you're joking."

Her eyes said it all. This wasn't a joke, this was real, this was life. When? How? This wasn't fucking possible, no way in hell was this actually happening. The grounds look deathly and icy, the cold finally hitting me and making me feel numb.

"James, please…" she said, tugging at my hand. I threw her off of me, moving away from her and starting the walk to the castle. Me, a dad? No, not possible. Not now, we're so young.

I continued the walk up the icy slope and heard Lily behind me, calling after me. "James, please!" she cried, over and over again. I felt sick with myself for leaving her there, but this wasn't my problem right now. How could _she_ have been so careless?

*

I walked into the common room and pulled off my scarf gloves and coat, throwing them on the sofa in anger. The fire was crackling and hissing at me, the whole room empty and eerie. Except for a small boy perching on one of the armchair.

"James!" he squeaked, running over to me and hugging me.

"Peter! What are you doing here?" I asked him, shocked at his reappearance at Hogwarts. We thought he wasn't coming back again.

"Business to attend to," he said sadly, but continued before I pressed the matter further. "How is everyone? The castle is deserted! Is there a Hogsmeade trip…?"

"Uhm, yeah, Peter.. Does Dumbledore know you're here?" He fidgeted and grinned.

"Of course, he was very happy to welcome me back." He said.

But, somehow, I felt like I knew better.

"_James, being Head Boy, I thought I should inform you of issues in the school," Dumbledore said, resting his chin in his hands from behind his desk._

"_Okay Sir, no problem." I said, smiling._

"_There is a war building, James. Beyond the walls of Hogwarts, a great wizarding war is fuelling."_

"_I've heard from my parents, sir. The media has been writing about He Who Must Not Be Named for a long time now."_

"_Come now, James. Surely you can say his name?"_

"_Lord Voldemort? Of course, sir." I was confused._

"_There are students amongst us who have taken liberty of this uprising, and are involved in the extermination of Muggles and Muggle-borns throughout England right now…" Oh god, Lily._

"_What are we going to do?"_

"_When you have graduated, there is a force waiting for you, a group called the Order of the Phoenix. I've asked you here to ask for your help."_

"_If it's for this school, Head Master, I'd be happy to help."_

"_I would like for you, and your valiant Gryffindor friends, to become members of this order. Including yourself, Miss Evans, Mr Black, Mr Lupin, Miss Heart and Mr Pettigrew."_

"_Peter is away on a trip, sir, he's not coming back."_

"_On the contrary, James, he will be home soon enough."_

"_So, this order, what does it do?"_

"_We provide training and skill to determine Lord Voldemort's whereabouts, battle with his band of Death Eaters and provide safety for our loved ones." He smiled sadly, pushing his spectacles higher up his nose. "However, this is not a fools mission. This requires the utmost strength and courage and the power to put others before yourself – which I believe, you can all achieve."_

"_Of course, sir, I'm sure the others would be honoured to join."_

"_I'm pleased. Thank you for meeting with me today, James."_

"_My pleasure, headmaster."_

"_I'm sure I'll see you again, soon enough."_

"_Good day, Professor."_

"_Good luck, James."_

"So, where is it you've been?" I asked Peter during our long conversation. The other's hadn't arrived back yet and Lily was, well, I didn't really care right now.

"Romania, mostly. And parts of Bulgaria." He said, fiddling with the buttons on his jacket.

"Ah, sounds good?"

"It was enriching. A fantastic experience of life after school, really." He smiled gaily.

"Huh, life after school. Seems so close now." I said. So close, I was going to be an auror. Become great, like my parents. Live with the love of my life, grow old and have children together. It wasn't all meant to come at once.

"Something on your mind James?" Peter asked. I shrugged. "Or someone?"

"Yeah, I guess I'm thinking about Lily."

"As always James, as always!"

"We're together now, Peter." And having a baby.

"Oh, well, congratulations! That's wonderful." He said, rocking on the chair in exultation.

"Yeah, I guess it's like, like a dream come true." The words pained me to say them.

"How about Sirius? Are he and Maisy together?"

"Yeah, they're a cute couple."

"I'm glad. Now you all have someone, that's fantastic…" he said, watching the door to the common room open and the rest of the seventh year Gryffindors spill in. Peter smiled broadly at Sirius, who had walked in with his arm around Maisy's shoulders, joking and laughing.

"Sirius!"

"Peter! Oh my god, you're back," he said, dropping his arms from around Maisy and walking over to greet Peter.

"Peter! So good to see you," said Remus, patting his back.

"Oh god, this is great! All us Marauders back together for our last term at Hogwarts!" Sirius beamed at me.

"Yeah, great." I hadn't told him about the Order yet. Would I tell him? He was so carefree and in love and dangerous, he could do something stupid, get himself blown up…

"James!" Remus said, throwing a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans at me. "Present."

"Oh, cheers Remus."

He went to say something else but paused as his eyes travelled to the door again. It opened slowly and Lily came in, still wrapped up from the cold, and still crying. Maisy gasped in recognition and ran over to her, putting her arms around her neck and letting her dissolve into her chest. That was my Lily. My Lily. Why wasn't I holding her?

"He said what!" Maisy shouted, turning to face me in disgust. She led Lily upstairs then thundered back down towards me, stopping centimetres away from my face.

"How DARE you! How dare you say that to Lily." She spat. Sirius came up from behind her and held her arms behind her back as she began to lash out. "She's more scared than you will EVER feel! How _dare_ you say that! You're meant to _love_ her!"

I watched her beat Sirius off and bring her face up to mine. "I hope you burn in hell, where you belong."

I couldn't move or speak. She was right, so right.

Maisy stormed back upstairs and slammed the dormitory door shut. Lea and Ava watched us, confused, then sprinted upstairs as well, quick to latch on to the gossip.

"What was _that _about?" Sirius asked, flopping down on the setee.

"Urr, nothing." I said, picking up my coat and things. "I think I'm gunna go to bed, actually, urm, don't feel very well, yeah, don't feel well…"

I walked, dejectedly, up the stone steps and paused at the girls' door. I could hear muffled voices and sobs, something I didn't want to hear. I walked inside our dorm and sat on the end of my bed, pondering the day. Everyone would be going to dinner. It would give me time to think. But Sirius entered before I had time to even consider thinking.

"Spill." He said, sitting on the bed opposite, watching me like a hawk.

"I don't know if I can…"

"Is it a secret?"

"I don't know."

"Then, spill. I'm not gunna tell am I? Jesus James, something has got to be bad when I walk in, you're not with Lily, Lily returns crying and Maisy almost throttles you… Gotta hand it to her, she's got an impressive right hook, I would have been worried." He laughed and stopped at the apparent look on my face. "James, come on. It's me, here."

"Okay, but just, don't say anything. I don't know what to think yet." I said, running my hands through my hair.

"There will be no judging here." He said, waiting for me to speak.

"Lily's pregnant."

"SHE'S WHAT?!"

"You said you wouldn't judge!"

"I know but I thought maybe you'd broken up, or she had an STD or something – NOT A BUN IN THE OVEN."

"Sirius, you're not helping!"

"I know, but JAMES BLOODY HELL." He shouted at me, holding my shoulders. "YOU'RE A SMART GUY, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!"

"I don't know, I can't remember, not really, it was all so heated and fast and spur of the moment. But it was with LILY, Sirius, it was perfect. How could I even think about the consequences when life was offering me my naked girlfriend on a plate?!"

"Oh god, this isn't good.."

"Tell me about it." I said, rubbing my neck and falling backward on my bed.

"So, what did you say to upset her then?"

"Oh god, too many things. So many horrible things…"

"It can't have been that bad."

"So accusing her of cheating on me, then ignoring her plea to stay when she told me she was pregnant _isn't _bad?"

"Okay, that's not too bad…"

"Are you deranged?"

"No, cos that's bloody horrific! How could you James? You're meant to be giving her the support here! She's probably terrified!"

"And I'm not?!"

"But are you GROWING a HUMAN inside of you? Will you be the one who is laughed at or whispered about when you become larger and rounder and PREGNANT?!"

"Urgh, no, I guess not."

"You have issues mate, twisted issues."

"Well, what would you have done if it was Maisy?"

"First, Maisy probably wouldn't have told me, she's brave but not as courageous as Lily. Second, if she was pregnant, I wouldn't flip out, I'd blame myself, apologise, and promise to stand by her, no matter what. That's what you say when you love someone, James – you don't accuse them of sleeping around!" he seethed, his eyes leaking betrayal, as if I'd hurt his feelings by acting so twatted.

"Oh god what have I done."

"Yeah, what _have_ you done."

"She's going to hate me."

"Actually mate, she must love you quite a bit to tell you."

"Yeah but, I did this to her, didn't I?"

"James – I don't know which sex education lesson you had, but it takes two to tango."

"You know what I mean." I said, exasperated. And Peter was back now, and I still hadn't told everyone about the Order, and we're going to have a baby, and it would be born into a world full of war and hatred.

THAT'S THE POINT. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY. Lily and I. Me and Lily. Parents. A baby. We are going to have a baby.

"We're going to have a baby," I said out loud.

"Urrr, no, we're not. You and Lily are though…"

"Me and Lily will be parents."

"That's the idea."

"Sirius! Why didn't I think of this before? This is perfect!"

"Ummm, now you've lost me." He said, looking very confused.

"Lily will be perfect as a mother. She's kind and caring and beautiful. And I'll be awesome! I can teach him or her to play quidditch, we can both help him or her grow into the best person they can be. It's like life, all coming at once."

"And this is good?!"

"Not good, but not bad either. Sirius, this is Lily. Me and Lily are forever. And this is fate. We've proved it!"

"So, maybe you should tell her that?"

"Maybe I should," I said, suddenly elated with the thought. Me and Lily, my perfect girlfriend, together forever? Sounded like a dream come true. Life wasn't spinning out of control, or looking dangerous, it was still as perfect as it had been this morning, probably even more perfect!

"Go then, you daft git!"

"Right, yeah, I'm going!" I smiled, fleeing from the room and slipping down the stairs to find Lily. It was dinner time, so she might have gone with the girls to eat. But, fate had answered my prayers, and she was sat by the fire, covered in a scarlet blanket, reading a large book – something she often did when she was troubled.

"Lily." I said, sitting down next to her. She gasped at my appearance and choked on her tears. "Oh please, please don't cry. I'm so sorry. So beyond sorry that you can't imagine how I'm feeling."

"It's not my fault," she sniffed. "My hormones are making me want to cry every fi-i-ive mi-inutes." She sobbed, saturating her blanket with wet tears. I took the book from her and closed it, putting it to one side. I took her hand in mine and smiled up at her.

"Lily Evans, you beautiful thing, this isn't the end of the world." I said. She gulped.

"It isn't?"

"No. This is the beginning. The start of our lives!"

"But, it's a baby, not a puppy or a goldfish. A breathing baby!"

"I know, and it's going to be hard, I get it, but Lily – it's _our_ baby. Who cares about anything else? This is us, our baby, our family."

"Really?" she said, her eyes widening and lightening, she sniffed unsteadily.

"Yes. Life's not worth living without you Lily, you should know that." I said, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

"I was so scared. I thought you were going to finish with me and everything. I can't do this on my own." She said, gripping my hand tight.

"Leave you? My Lily? Never," I said, kissing her fingers individually. She giggled.

"So, what are we going to do?" she asked quietly. I rested my arm around her shoulders and sighed.

"Well, we could teach it to become our personal slave, make it wear white skinny jeans, play it music by the Bay City Rollers…" I laughed. She sighed happily and rest her head into my shoulder blade.

"Our kid will be great, you know that?"

"I do, I can tell already."

"And you'll be there?"

"As long as you're there, I'm there."

"Sounds like a happily ever after." She said, kissing me and placing her hand on my chest, to rest above my heart. I touched my hand to hers and hugged her tight, refusing to let go for anyone. Nothing in this world could tear us apart. Nothing.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

_But I fear  
I have so much to lose  
I have nothing to give  
We have so much to lose... _- Fear by Sarah McLachan

_Sirius' POV_

Somehow, in the space of the gossip and trauma and heartache, we finally made it to March at Hogwarts. Winter has thawed into a bright spring, with brave daffodils sprouting and blooming across the grounds in the fervent sunshine. The lake is overflowing with life and reeds and squidlets, making our favourite Giant Squid a Mother Squid. The castle is still cold and windy, but students are finally unwrapping scarves from their necks and peeling off their gloves in the draughty classrooms.

Maisy and I are happy, to a point, and our days are filled with joking, chatting and studying, due to the nasty NEWTs that are steadily creeping up on us. But I couldn't imagine a better study partner, than my fantastic girlfriend. Remus and Ava broke up due to 'differences' and Ava claiming they're better as friends. Remus seemed fine with the news, sulking for a couple of days, then getting over it when he realised the female population of Hogwarts had now began to look more inviting as the days wore on. Lily and James are still fighting fit, reading parenting books in the dead of the night, and cooing over life after Hogwarts, life in the real world. Lily looks bright and happy, her skin almost translucent and glowing. However, she has taken to wearing her robes at all times of the day, even during the evening when we all lounge in the common room. Apparently, she's not ready for everyone to know yet, but being nearly four months pregnant is taking its toll on her body and her hormones. Finally, there's Peter, who's back and acting rather secretive, disappearing during full moons and never fully appreciating conversations and pranks with us Marauders. He obviously misses the outside world as much as we miss normality in our lives.

Though spring is springing and blossoms are blossoming, being in a boring Transfiguration lesson still can't lighten our moods. Myself, James, Remus and Peter don't see the point in taking these lessons, we are living breathing Animagi for god's sake, but, to prove sanity, we sit through them none the less, lazily waving our wands and non verbally turning tables into teachers and teachers into tables.

"Boredom, has taken over," I whispered to Maisy next to me, who was trying her best to scribble down the theory of a difficult charm. "You know I can just teach you that later?"

"Yes, I do know, but I can do this by myself!" she replied. Her new self confidence was annoying, but uplifting.

"Fine, study by yourself, fail your NEWTs. Do I care?" I asked her, putting my hand on her leg under the table.

"Sirius!" she hissed, smacking my hand away.

"What?!" I replied, laughing at her.

"We're in a _lesson_!" she spat, picking up her quill and drawing a rather weak looking diagram.

"Here, let me," I said, reaching across to draw her diagram and brushing past her chest. She gasped at me and took the quill from my hand.

"Stop it! I know you're trying to embarrass me, Black! It's not funny!" she added when I started laughing.

"Is there a problem, Mr Black?" Professor McGonagall asked from the black board. Ha, this would be good.

"Yes, there is Minnie, I'm feeling rather disturbed sat here."

She sighed and glanced at Maisy, then back to me. Maisy had her head in her hands already, before I'd even spoken. James was swivelled in his seat watching me. "And what might that disturbance be, Mr Black?"

"Professor, could you please ask Maisy to stop picturing me naked? It's putting me off my theory…" The whole class erupted in laughs and jeers from the boys. Lily turned also to glare at me. Maisy hit me from under the table, right in the…

"OWHHHHH!"

"MR BLACK! Please, stop being an imbecile and get back to your work."

"BUT SHE JUST HIT ME IN THE…" Maisy's hand reached my mouth before I could finish the sentence. She raised her eyebrows at me in victory.

"Revenge is sweet," she whispered in my ear, almost seductively, too much for a classroom lesson!

"Now YOU stop it!" I said, turning from her. This was not going to happen here.

"Stop what?" she said innocently, leaning her chin on my shoulder and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Her hand was on the inside of my thigh, oh dear god.

"Maisy… Please…" I begged her. But she shook her head, laughing. Lily had caught on and was giggling in front of us. James turned around and sighed, shaking his head at me.

"It's your own fault, mate," he said, returning to his own parchment.

Maisy's hands were on my legs, on my back, just behind my neck. She never seemed to get caught, even when she whispered so loudly that the whole room could probably hear, Professor McGonagall just seemed to ignore us.

And then, yes, she knew it was coming, and I knew it was revenge. It happened.

Come-uppance for Sirius Black, and total mortification when the bell rang and we were permitted to leave the classroom.

Maisy took one look at me, sighed and said, very loudly,

"Sirius! I never knew you felt that way." Before flouncing off with Lily to lunch, giggling like a toddler receiving treats.

"Oh mate," James said, laughing and crying. "You got to hand it to her, that girl is _game!_"

*

"That was _not_ funny, Maisy," I said, sitting next to her at dinner that evening. She laughed loudly and had to put down her juice.

"Well, revenge is a bitch, isn't it?" she said, her eyes smoking.

"Stop it!" I laughed, she was a dreadful tease and it wasn't funny. Not at all.

"Ah shutup, we've got all night, it's fine," she said, kissing my cheek and returning to her casserole. It was a large portion. I was impressed.

"I can't do tonight remember? Me and James have detention…" I said, looking over at James who smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, good ol' detention!" he said, laughing.

"Guess it's just you and me then," said Lily to Maisy. She looked happy about it aswell.

"Awesome, I'm getting sick of having to spend my spare time with this wet blanket anyway," Maisy replied, indicating me.

"Oi! Who you calling a wet blanket?!"

"Who dyu think, Sirius?" she said, looking at me pointedly.

"Fine. You're boring too…"

"I didn't mean wet blanket as in a boring drip!"

Lily started to laugh and tears rolled down her eyes. Maisy was giggling childishly again. Oh, I get it. A _wet_ blanket. Nice, Maisy, smooth.

"Oh, how comical. Maisy, I forgot you were a comedian!" I said, putting my arm around her waist and putting pressure on her kidney. "Should we resolve this here, or do you want to apologise now?"

She looked up at me and huffed. She hated being tickled, especially in the kidneys. So, she smacked away my hand, turned and said,

"I'm sorry that you can't control your hormonal tendencies, Sirius. But there's no reason to take it out on me."

James stopped eating to laugh with the girls and I exhaled slowly, counting to ten.

"You'll be eating your words when I get back tonight." I said.

"So I'm going to see you then?" she smiled brightly.

"Yeah, I should be back by around midnight or so."

"Ah! I'll wait up, it's fine," she said, grabbing my arm and cuddling into it. "Love you really, gorgeous."

"And I love you too," I said, kissing the top of her head and finishing her casserole.

"Right, James, it's time we were off. Have a lovely night, ladies." I said. James kissed Lily and got up to leave. Peter wasn't at dinner, had he already left?

"Have fun" Maisy said, turning to chat with Lily now over the mountains of food that had appeared.

"Yeah, fun.." I said to James.

"Not my idea of fun, really. Is it yours?"

"No, but you know me – I run with the werewolves."

"You're a cool kind of guy, Sirius."

*

The full moon was bright tonight. Bright and eerie, never a good sign, especially for Remus. I'd never seen him so pent up and agitated during his phasing. Darting around the forest, lunging for us at every waking moment, it was becoming impossible to keep him down. But luckily, he'd found a warren of rabbits and was camping by their hideaway, waiting for a glimpse of a midnight snack. While he was waiting, James and I hid behind the bushes, trying to get our breath back.

"It's getting worse, I swear?" said James, transforming back into himself to breathe. I followed suit and backed myself against a tree.

"Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing."

"I feel like shit, to be honest. I hate having to hit him and stuff."

"True, but he wants us to do that, so we can't argue!"

"I know, I know. Ugh, I've just got so much going on right now." He said, massaging his temples.

"Like what?"

"Me and Lily had to go and see Dumbledore yesterday."

"Oh. About?"

"The baby. There's been a prophecy made about him or the Longbottom's. Voldemort, the guy killing all the muggle borns, he wants to kill our baby. He wants to kill him. He doesn't want to prophecy to reign true. So where will he stop? Will he kill Lily now, and kill the baby? Steal him when we're sleeping? What?"

"James, don't worry."

"How can you say that? Lily could be in the castle right now being attacked, and we wouldn't know!"

"James! Stop! Lily's fine, okay? And your baby will be fine! We're all gunna be there to help you guys, so stop worrying!"

A scuffling could be heard from the bushes and I paused, watching a small rat appear from beneath the tree trunk and transform into a small, portly boy.

"About time!" said James. "Where have you been! It's been manic."

"I'm sorry, I'm not staying long," said Peter. "I have to talk to you." He said, looking at James.

"Okay, go."

"I heard Lucius boy talking in the corridors this evening. He was talking about you and Lily. He knows about the baby! He knows about the baby and the Dark Lord wants him. He wants your baby!"

"I know, Peter, I know."

"But that's not it! You've already defied him once, you kept the child. He knows you knew about the prophecy, and is mad that you've carried on with this pregnancy. Defying the Dark Lord three times always equals death, James!"

The blood from James face drained instantaneously as he looked at Peter in pure horror.

"He wont get away with this. When we join the Order, we'll get him. There's no way he's breaking up my family. No way in HELL." James spat, he punched the tree next to him and cursed existence.

Peter looked strained and paused, he looked up at the castle and frowned. "Who's that in the window?!" he said, pointing at the Gryffindor tower.

But of course, I would know that figure from anywhere. It was Maisy. Shit. She disappeared and pulled the curtains. Please go back to bed, back to sleep, to safety.

A constant growl was heard from behind the trees and the glade echoed with the sounds of padding paws and vicious barks.

"QUICK! Transform back!" But Peter had already vanished and scuttered away like a coward. It was fine, he was scared for James and for Lily, of course he had the right to be scared. James' stag form was stood watching me as I contorted my figure into becoming a black and grey shaggy dog. Remus was close now, you could hear him sniffing the night air, trying to find us. He burst through the bracken and ran towards us.

I leapt onto his back and began to claw at his shoulders, stop him from gauging out James' eyes or slicing his throat. He cried in mercy, flinging me off of his back and turning to face the mighty stag, who had bent as if to bow and ward off the wolf, with its antlers paused in fight.

I looked around the glade, looking desperately for a decoy and saw a shadowy figure moving through the bushes. It was coming closer and closer, until it could obviously understand what it had seen, it gasped, and Remus span to face the feeble prey.

I looked closer at the terrified figure and adrenaline rushed through my veins.

Maisy. That was Maisy.

She was backing away slowly, her body trembling in the moonlight. Remus was edging closer, inhaling her human scent, mixing the sweet smell of her blood with his saliva. The werewolf was now on all fours, prowling closer. I couldn't let him. No way. I couldn't let Maisy see me like this. See _us _like this.

James pranced through the undergrowth with elegance to distract Remus, but Remus was gone, only the bloody thirsty werewolf remained, and it was going in for the kill. There were only seconds to decide, what do I do, what do I do?

I transformed from dog into human and sped past tree trunks into the glade, watching Remus as he recoiled and pounced, straight for Maisy. I jumped in front of the snarling beast, feeling him collide with my chest and push me for the ground. My head hit something hard and my whole body felt cold. The werewolf was clawing at my skin, tearing my flesh.

In time, it may have been hours, or days, the weight was lifted, and a grand stag flung the werewolf off of me. It hit the large oak tree and limped away in pain, still growling and snarling into the depths of the forest. The courageous stag fled after him without a glance back.

"Oh, oh Sirius, Sirius!" I heard Maisy cry from above me. Her hands were placed on both sides of my head and she was crying.

"It's okay, Maisy…" I said. But was it? My legs were numb and my head felt like it was aflame. I just wanted to close my eyes, just wanted to sleep.

"No, no stay with me, you have to stay with me okay? You have to keep those eyes open! SIRIUS PLEASE LOOK AT ME!" She screamed. I looked up and saw her eyes meet mine, she shook her head as I felt my whole body contort and shake. Was I telling it to do that?

"Sirius! No, please! Please stay with me, stay with me…" She was holding down my body as I shook, rubbing my chest and my legs. You know there was no other place I'd rather be, Maisy; I wanted to say, but my eyelids were taking control of my body, causing them to fall and shut placidly, my head still pounding, my legs still dead to her touch…

"SIRIUS!" echoed into the night, but all I could feel was the cold wash of bright light swell over me and darkness bury all thoughts of love, life and Maisy.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

_I__'__m here without you baby__  
but your still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
and I dream about you all the time  
I__'__m here without you baby__  
but your still with me in my dreams_- Here Without You by 3 Doors Down

_Maisy's POV_

If you've ever been so excited for something to happen, that you couldn't sleep all night and the morning came so very slowly, then you can imagine my pain right now. Swap the excitement with fear, and swap the couldn't with shouldn't and you've got me down to a point.

It's been three days and three nights. And Sirius is still led in the hospital bed. His body moves slightly with his breathing, but his eyelids remain barred shut, hip lips closed and his sparkle history.

And I've been led on this hospital bed, curled up in the crook of his body, for three days and three nights, my tears flowing, my voice faltering and my life transparent.

It was meant to be me in that bed. Why couldn't it be me?

This was my fault. My head kept telling me this was my fault. I left the castle. I walked into the forest. I made that, that thing turn and pounce. I should have known Sirius would do that. Somehow I knew he would have done that. He would have done anything to keep me safe. He was brave and valiant, and now he was here, in this bed, battling death with every hollow note of breath that he inhaled.

Seeing his writhing body and glassy eyes had pushed me over the edge. He couldn't die on me, could he? He was the one who kept _me_ safe. He looked after _me_ when things went wrong. How could I compete? How would I look after his frail body? How would I convince Death that Sirius belonged here with me?

We still have so many things to do! So many dreams to change into reality. So many more things I needed to say to him. So much more we had left to do with each other. How would I know that I would only have three precious months to do all that in?

I moved my head, so my forehead touched his pale cheek, my nose resting against his chin. He was on his back, still staring towards the sky, still with eyes unblinking, still with eyes shut closed. Just open your eyes, I kept willing him. Open your eyes, and see me, and know I'm here, waiting for you to wake up and laugh or tell me this is all a joke or a bad dream.

How I wanted this to be a bad dream. I fell asleep countless amounts of times on this bed, waking up and looking around, hoping the horror of that night would leave. But the Hospital Wing was still around me, Sirius was still unconscious, and life was still on pause.

"Sirius," I whispered in his ear. "You can hear me, I know you can."

His body was still as cold as ice, as still as marble.

"Please, please wake up." I plead, pecking his cheek daintily, hoping to pass some kind of life into him. Like the princess and the frog, Snow White and her Prince, Sleeping Beauty and her prince. Except, this time, it was my turn to be the brave one. The heroine. It was my turn to save the one I loved, give back what I'd taken.

"Maisy?" Madam Pomfrey had shuffled over, she touched my shoulder lightly. "Can you get up a minute sweety? I need to check his vitals."

I sat in the chair and pulled my knees up to my chin. The nurse shook her head and checked the thermometer three times. She sped off to her office and brought back a large bottle of potion.

"What's that?" I asked. What was she doing?

"Nothing deary, just something to make him feel warmer."

I rest my head on my knees and succumbed to the desire to snooze while she checked him. What if he woke up? He'd see me, I'd be right there.

I woke up to hushed voices from near me.

"He needs to go to St. Mungo's, they can help him more there!"

"He can't, they would ask questions about his injuries."

"Professor Dumbledore! He could _die!_"

"Poppy, I know you can help him."

"What are you talking about?!" I cried, my voice thick with the swelling of my throat and the tears that were now falling.

"Sirius, he's not doing too well…" Madam Pomfrey said, bowing her head. She was a new nurse, new to the school, and she made things seem worse than they truly were. I hoped.

"You can't take him away. Please. YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME!"

"Maisy, it's okay. He's staying here." Dumbledore smiled, tipping his hat to both of us. "Good evening." He said. Was he odd, or was it just me?

"Now, we need to get some food in you!" Madam Pomfrey said, ushering me away from the bed.

"NO!" I shouted at her. "What if he wakes up when I'm not here? How would you feel if you woke up and no one was here!"

"Maisy…"

"He can't eat! So why would I want to eat?!"

"He'd want you to eat!" came a voice from the doorway. It was Lily. She came over and wrapped her arm around me and hugged me tight, smoothing my hair at the back.

"You know he'd want you to eat. And now you should feel guilty, for upsetting a pregnant woman!" she laughed, handing me a tissue to wipe my face with.

"Lily, he hasn't woken up…" I said, oblivious to her words of comfort.

"I know, sweet, I know."

"Help him wake up. Wake him up for me. Please? Please make him wake up," I said, my lip trembling and my legs collapsing from underneath me. I crumpled onto the floor, leaning against the foot of the bed, tears silently falling and my breath hitching.

"Maisy, I shouldn't really bend down, but what the hell…" she said, moving onto the floor next to me and putting her arm around my shoulder. "Maisy, he's going to wake up. He's Sirius! He wont miss out on the adventure of limbo, would he? Then he'll be back, in his own pompous time, you know what he's like. And when he's awake he'll see you and smile or laugh and pretend he's fit as a fiddle."

"True."

"So you should stop feeling so guilty, agreed?" she said, giving my shoulders a squeeze.

"But, it's all my fault."

"We just agreed on no feeling guilty!" she said, offended at my words. I smiled.

"Okay, no more feeling guilty."

"Promise?" I crossed my fingers from behind me.

"Promise."

"Good! Now help me up and get me over to that bed!" she laughed, standing up unsteadily. Her bump was only visible through her robes if you looked close enough when she walked or turned quickly.

"Right then," Madam Pomfrey bustled over with her wand. "First scan time, I'm guessing?" she said, smiling at Lily. Lily looked almost ecstatic.

"Yeah, we couldn't make the other appointments at St Mungo's. I'm so excited! But James has to be here." She said, looking up at the clock. "Give him a few minutes, he'll be here. He wouldn't miss this for the world."

I moved back toward Sirius and fell into the chair beside him, watching his chest rise and fall gradually, counting the times he inhaled, and exhaled.

"SORRY I'M LATE!" James shouted, bursting into the Hospital Wing, door slamming behind him. Lily beamed.

"It's fine, quick quick!" she said as he ran over to her. He took her hand in his and looked at Madam Pomfrey. I felt bad, watching this moment, like an intrusion of their space, their family.

"This is going to feel really odd at first," said the nurse, waving her wand intricately over Lily's small stomach, which looked like it was just very very bloated.

An image was appearing next to the nurse, dissolving into view, suspended in thin air. Lily's breath caught in her throat as the image became clearer. Sure enough, there was the baby, curled up in Lily's womb, blissfully unaware of the environment around it.

James grinned proudly, squeezing Lily's hand tight. She beamed back at him and he kissed her lips quickly, returning back to the picture.

"You know it's sex?" she asked them.

They nodded, "It's a boy."

"He certainly is, and looking lovely and healthy. He's about the size of a pear right now," she said, smiling at the proud parents. "Soon you should be able to feel him moving around inside of you. It's starts off like a butterfly sensation, but when you get to your twentieth week, he should definitely be kicking like a trooper."

Lily's eyes were wet with emotion, and James was nodding in approval. "Hear that, Lils, our baby boy's a trooper!"

"I heard, I heard," she said, equally excited at the prospect.

"You're gunna need to eat more healthily from now on, okay? Always have your five a day, even more if you can handle it." Madam Pomfrey added, moving away from the bed and disappearing into her office.

I smiled at the pair who were still elated, Lily's shirt still raised from the scan. Her hand was resting on her uterus protectively and James still holding her other hand. They looked so complete.

I got up and led on the bed next to Sirius. "Did you hear that?" I said to him, letting my arm lie across his body. "Lily and James are having a boy. I know, amazing huh?"

He didn't reply. I ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and kept talking. "And he's a trooper. The size of a pear! He'll be kicking soon. That's exciting, huh?"

He was still motionless and ignorant. I felt a pang in my heart. He had to survive this. He was my always! We were meant to grow up and have the magical experience that Lily and James were having. We were meant to grow old with our grandchildren surrounding us, rocking in wooden chairs next to a fire place, reminiscing about falling in love, buying our first home, having our children…

"I'll catch up with you later," I heard James say as Lily left the wing, the door softly shutting behind her. I felt a hand on my back and looked up at Sirius. He was still unconscious, his hands still lifeless next to him. I turned and saw James smiling at me sadly. He took my hand and lifted me from the bed.

"He's gunna wake up, Maisy." He said, still gripping my hand. "I need him to wake up too. He's like my brother."

"I know, I'm sorry, I seem so selfish."

"No, no you're not. You shouldn't think that. Loving someone is never selfish. He'd be delighted with the attention if he was awake."

"I've got so many things I want to tell him and do with him yet. And he's not here, he's left me. I can't live on my own again, he has to wake up!" I said, shuddering at the thought.

"He wouldn't leave you here. He jumped in front of a werewolf for you!"

I'd forgotten that bit.

"Yeah, a werewolf. And a stag. How did you know he jumped in front of a werewolf, James? You weren't there?" But it was all clear now.

"I haven't told Lily. I don't want her to worry and upset the baby okay? But we're unregistered Animagi. Remus is a werewolf." KNEW IT.

"Remus was going to attack me?" I thought we were friends.

"No, that wasn't Remus. Well, it was, but when he transforms he loses all human thought and instinct, and succumbs to werewolf habits."

"Right. And You and Sirius do what? Run with werewolves?"

"Kind of. We keep him away from the open school grounds. Stop him from killing unicorns and endangered species in the forest."

"That's an amazing thing, to do that for your friend… For the school."

"Yeah. But then you've got the valiant Sirius who'd rather die than see you get hurt." He said, looking over at the bed. "He would have done it for any of his friends though, even I know that."

"That should be me led there," I said, looking over at Sirius.

"But it's not. Could you imagine Sirius if you were led there? He would be in pieces. He'd be beyond himself. I don't know what he'd do if you weren't waking up. But I know you're stronger than you know, and we can all sit through this, and he's going to wake up. You'll see." James said, smiling and rubbing my hand comfortingly.

"Congratulations, by the way, on your little boy," I said, looking up at him, eyes wet with new tears.

"Thank you, it's exciting isn't it?" he said, ignoring my tears.

"It is, I'm so happy for you both."

"Good. Now Sirius really does need to wake up, because I need to make sure he's down with being Godfather."

"Really?!"

"Of course, no other man perfect for the job!"

"He'd be delighted."

"He would be delighted? No, Maisy. He _will_ be delighted."

"Yes, delighted…"

"And he's going to need a partner in crime…"

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"So you're gunna have to by Godmother." He said, smiling at me brightly. I must have looked shocked as I stood up to hug him because he then said, "Don't look too disturbed, I promise he'll be a good boy!"

"I would love to be his Godmother. Truly love to!" I said, still hugging him. What a surprise.

"Lily refused to let Sirius be godfather if you weren't godmother," James sighed. "That girl has truly got me wrapped around her finger!"

"Then go back to your girl, and get your hands off of mine." A voice croaked from behind us. I dropped my arms from around James and turned to stare at Sirius. His eyes were blinking, adjusting to the light. He face winced in pain as he shuffled into a better position, his hand flying to his chest to hold his wounds as he sat up. I was in pure shock.

"Are you gunna stand there forever, or are you gunna get yourself over here and kiss me?" he said, laughing quietly, choking on his words.

I jumped onto the bed and flung my arms around him, ignoring his pitiful cries of pain and words of warning. I kissed him everywhere, all over his face; his cheeks, his chin, his forehead, his nose, his eyelids and his lips. I was gripping him so tight, and tears were streaming down my face, falling on his and mixing in our tangled kisses.

"I've missed you," I said, sitting on his legs and gripping his hands tightly.

"I didn't have time to miss you," he croaked and coughed loudly.

"Why? What?" I said, pained by his response.

"I went to heaven, Maisy. And in my heaven, all there is is you." He said, smiling at me. I kissed him again and again and again, delighted he was awake and here and with me.

"Get a room!" said James. I'd forgotten he was even here.

"Oh, shutup Prongs!" Sirius laughed, hitting him weakly from the bed.

"Alright, alright, I'll be back later," he said, turning to leave and laughing heartily.

"Oi! Prongs!" James span round to face Sirius. "Tell your kid I'm gunna be the best damn godfather there ever is."

I laughed and touched his face. He was alive, his face was warmer, and it felt like fire under my clammy skin.

"Don't sit there looking at me like that," he said, grabbing my hands from his face and placing them on his chest. "What are all these things you still have to say to me? I'm intrigued."

"You could hear me?"

"Of course, I wanted to wake up, I truly did, wanted to tell you to stop worrying, stop feeling guilty, everything. But I couldn't. So you got out of it. But now you have to tell me," he said, looking up and seeing Madam Pomfrey. He shooed her away with a flap of his hand and turned back to smile at me.

"You shouldn't be rude to her!"

"She wanted to move me to St Mungo's, the cow! I didn't want to move either. Didn't want to lose the feeling of you beside me every moment of the day."

"Still as charming as ever, aren't you?"

"Probably even more charming, I hasten to add!"

"You're right, you are even more charming than the last time I saw you."

"What, when I jumped in front of a werewolf for you? You thought that was charming?" He laughed.

"I've never been so flattered," I giggled.

"Well, stop being so lovely yourself – because I'm so pissed with you! We need to talk about safety during the night time, Maisy Heart!"

"I'm so…" He put his fingers to my lips.

"I told you, I don't want to hear it anymore. No more apologies." He said, taking his fingers away and holding my hands above his heart again. "Now, tell me what you want to tell me, just in case I relapse or starting foaming at the mouth…"

"Don't say that!" I shouted at him, hitting his arm.

"Okay okay, sorry. Now stop trying to get out of this, tell me! I'm so excited to hear it! Like a little kid in a sweet shop. Wait. These will be nice things I wanna hear, am I right?"

"Yes" I smiled at him.

"Possibly including your _undying love_ for me?" he guffawed, batting his eyelids at me. I continued to beam.

"Of course. This has made me think, for nearly four days I've been thinking and thinking about this, us. And, I love you, Sirius Black. So much. And this is me professing my undying love for you, for now and for always."

"Forever?" he asked, kissing my fingers delicately, making my whole body tingle in recognition of him.

"Say you, say me, say it for always," I said, smiling down at him.

"Say it together, naturally?" he teased, bring his arm round to rest on my hip, the other holding my hand, linking his fingers through mine and softly rubbing circles in the bridge of my thumb.

"That's the way it should be."

"I knew you'd be the death of me." He said, pulling me down to kiss him and mould into him, his shape, his body.

"Don't ever scare me like that again," I said, gripping his shoulder.

"Don't ever go looking for werewolves again." He laughed. He made serious things seem so light and unapparent.

"Deal." I said, nuzzling into his soft neck, finally feeling at home again.

"Deal."

Lily was right, like a jigsaw, we fit – perfectly.


	19. Chapter 19

PART TWO

"**Sirius!" **

**I watched him run towards the towering flames; flinging open the intricate iron gate, that creaked ominously over the crackling of the engulfing fire. He ran into the arms of the flames like an old friend, embracing it, and then disappeared behind the amber veil.**

**I ran across the garden, glass from the windows searing my bare soles, but I barely noticed as the pieces pierced my heels and blood seeped into the cobbled road. The rain and wind was whipping my face violently, trying to wake me up from this incessant nightmare.**

**Another explosion ricocheted around the deserted street, the little house cowered under the noise and the intense heat. The front door plummeted to the ground, showing free entry into the hall, which was scorched and black with smoke. Was that a body?**

**I brought my hands to my face, wiping away the trailing tears. My whole body was heaving in fright. I tuned in to listen for him, any sign of him, that he was alive. I could hear insects distinctly, and the constant creak of the cottage's beams trembling under the pressure. Then, a voice.**

"**Maisy?" It came from the house, coughing slightly, but deep and sure.**

"**Sirius!"**

"**Maisy!" he coughed. "You have to listen. I can't get out."**

"**No…" I whispered, picking myself up and running across the grass to the entrance. I keep reassuring him, telling him it would be okay. I'll get in there. I'll save you. **_**Like you saved me.**_

"**No! No, Maisy!"**

"**Sirius! Don't do this!"**

"**This is how it's meant to be." He replied, through violent coughs.**

**This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. No. I wanted to scream, call out to him! Wait, I would say. You can't leave me! Not now.**

"**I love you, Heart." I heard from inside the wreckage, his voice tailing off. He sounded so weak. It took me moments to realise I was screaming, and brought my hands to my mouth, choking back the sobs and noise.**

"**I lo…" I began. But it was too late. The house finally gave up its last fight, bursting into flames, pieces flying everywhere – shards of glass flying into the air, bricks exploding into dust. **

"**No!" I screamed, falling onto the grass, my hands gripping the ground for some sort of comfort; some sort of safety. **

"**No! Sirius!" I shouted, but my voice gave up. The smoke had infiltrated my throat, building a barrier so I couldn't speak, so I couldn't tell him how much I loved him.**

**My dress was covered in mud and stains from the night, my shoes long forgotten in the hurry to the fire. I crumpled into a heap and shook with pain and solitude. The most perfect day had ended in tragedy. Everything was ruined, everything was over, and everything we'd done had been in vain. **

**I touched my lips and felt the warmth from our last kiss. I clung to it, clinging to everything that belonged to Sirius. I sat, crying, and all I could think of was: **_**not you too.**_

Chapter 19

_Hey girl I know the situation changed_

_And so much is new but somethin' in my life remains the same_

_Cause, everything changes but you… But you know that I love you._

­- Everything Changes (But You) by Take That

_Sirius' POV_

"Owwwh!"

"Shutup!"

"Ooooooooooooowh!"

"Maisy! Sirius-ly!" I laughed at my wit. I swear if she said 'owh' one more time…

"Owh owh owh owh owwwwwwwwh!"

"That's it." I let go of her hand and stalked down the corridor, away from my moaning girlfriend. Ha, _girlfriend._ Maisy Heart was _my_ girlfriend, and had been for just over five months. Life was perfect, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Siriussssssssss!" she yelled at me down the corridor. My laughter boomed loudly as she hurried to keep up, rubbing her hand incessantly.

"Maisy." I said, ignoring her pain now.

"Sirius, PLEASE! It huuuuurts!" she pouted, sticking her bottom lip out and holding out her hand to me.

"Okay. Fine! Just stop bloody moaning." I said, picking her hand up in mine and kissing it tenderly. I still marvelled at how small she was; petite, even. Her little hand looked pixie-like in my own large one. Her skin felt silky as I took her wrist carefully in my fingers and rubbed it with my thumb as we walked. She sighed and put her head on my shoulder.

"Sickle for your thoughts?" I asked bumping my head to hers lightly.

"I really am _sick_ of that bitch, you know that?"

"Funnily enough, yes. I have had that impression for many months now…" I mused. She's such a fuchsia wearing bitch faced slag bag.

"She's such a fuchsia wearing bitch faced slag bag!" Bingo.

"Really? I think she's stunning…" This earned me a punch in the shoulder. I probably deserved that.

"Sirius, c'mon! She's been looking at you weirdly for days. She's planning something! I can just tell!" she huffed, stalking into the Great Hall and placing herself next to Lily for dinner.

"You really shouldn't let her get to you." I reassured her opposite the table. She looked up and smiled at me, that dazzling little smile that made my insides flutter every single time.

"But, my dear Sirius, where would the fun be in that?" she said, glaring past my shoulder. I would put all the money in Gringotts to bet that it was at Ruby.

"Ruby's looking again!" Huzzah, I'm now a millionaire.

"Let her look!" I said, grabbing her hand, just to piss Ruby off.

"Owwwh!" she cried, taking it away from me and shaking it out above her.

"Sorry!" I said quickly. But I laughed anyway, as Lily and James began laugh at our stupidity.

In the past months we'd grown from being a couple, into being better friends; best friends; until finally becoming inseparable and completely comfortable in each other's company. She truly is a fantastic witch; she has me under a spell.

"So, what happened?" said Lily, wincing as she turned in her seat to look at Maisy. "Spill."

"I punched the little bitch."

"And you're hurt?"

"It was a strong punch! And her face is really really hard…"

"Goes with her heart!" James said, food spluttering from his mouth across the table. We all grimaced.

"Ewww, James, seriously! Some table manners, please?" Lily said.

"Anything for you, Lils," he said, winking, and picking up another bread roll. She tutted and rolled her eyes, jokily.

"Well, if it's any consolation, she has a major black eye. I doubt she can cover _that_ up with multiple layers of foundation." Lily said, smiling. Maisy grinned in spite of her actions.

Through dinner I noticed as people kept turning in their seats to stare. This happened at every meal. I swear, I usually love popularity and people watching me, but constantly, all day every day? It was getting stupid…

"Nose down, Sirius. They're not staring at you." Said James, rather sadly from next to me.

"It's obviously 'cause of me." Lily said, sighing.

"Nosey fuckers." Maisy spat. She was so different now. So independent and sure of herself. As long as I was there, she was my little fighter. To be honest, I was majorly proud of her.

"Even Minnie's looking," I said, pointing at the teachers table to see dear old Professor McGonagall look over at Lily then busy herself with her soup as we all glanced up to glare at her.

"It's truly shameful." Lily said.

"You have NOTHING to be ashamed of!" Maisy said, touching her shoulder and squeezing it. "Sex is legal from sixteen…" she joked. Lily laughed.

"You know what I mean."

"I think this is my cue," I said, getting up from the bench and climbing onto the table.

"I dare say!" shouted McGonagall, but I didn't care. This was for my friends, not about rule breaking.

"Yo! Hogwarts!" the din continued. "STUDENTS!" I yelled. They all looked up from their food or from looking at Lily and stared at me, mouths wide open. It was quite disgusting actually, some people were still eating. _Honestly…_

"Okay, so, it's me again! Last time I was up here it was January, it's been a long time." Silence in hall. Awkward… Lily was looking up at me, frightened of what I was about to say. "We're all young adults here, right?"

The hall muttered in agreement. Dumbledore looked up from his plate of sardines (what the hell?) and smiled at me.

"Well start acting like a young adult! Seriously! Lily. Is. Pregnant. Old news! We've all known for _how_ long? It's obvious guys, she's getting rounder everyday." Lily cleared her throat. "Sorry Lily. But anyway, stop bloody staring! She just _pregnant_, she hasn't grown a second head!"

Some laughed, some looked down at their meals again in guilt.

"Yeah, so, stop it okay? We want baby name ideas, not gawping gossipers! So unless you're a name genius, then look away. It's pissing us off!" McGonagall gasped and went to speak. "You're no better! Go back to your meal, Professor, and stop staring. Black, over and out!"

And I sat back down to dinner, picked up my dinner, and began shovelling food into my mouth. Ah, bliss.

"Professor McGonagall just said you have detention tomorrow night in her office. Bring gloves." Said a small second year as he left the hall.

"Cheers bud!" I called back, picking up my goblet and toasting to Minnie who was obviously irate, as she had gone a violent shade of purple. Dangerous stuff… The boy ran back and added, "And Miss Heart. For Muggle behaviour in a Muggle Studies classroom."

"You punched her in a lesson?!" James said, open mouthed.

"My girl's feisty!" I beamed.

"See, this is why I bloody love him!" Maisy cried, sitting herself up and kissing me across the table. "Good job, Sirius."

"Thank you." Said Lily quietly, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Oh god, I didn't mean to upset you!" I said, putting down my cutlery.

James put his hand on my back and sighed. "Don't worry, it's just the _hormones._"

"Ah, I see…" I said. Though I didn't. I didn't understand the big deal with girls and _hormones…_

"Being seven months pregnant takes it's toll, I guess," she sniffed, spooning garden peas onto her plate. It would have been okay I guess, if they weren't _frozen._

"You know they're frozen, right?" I said to her, raising my eyebrows at Maisy who shook her head, laughing.

'Cravings' she mouthed back at me, rather theatrically. Lily hit her playfully.

"It's not my fault our baby boy likes frozen peas!"

"And granola bars!" we all said in unison.

"Let the kid crave whatever he wants, he's gunna be the best damn wizard in the world anyway. Second to you, of course, Sirius." said James, smiling at Lily. He looked at her with such intensity sometimes that it felt odd to watch them, like you were invading their privacy.

"Why thank you. I do try," I said, raking my hand through my hair. Maisy kicked me under the table. 'Pompous git' I heard her mutter.

"Anyway…" I beamed, poking my tongue out at my immature girlfriend.

"Names names names!" James squealed, tapping the table.

"Is it that time of day already?" Maisy groaned, putting her face in her hands.

"Yes it is, Maisy dearest. Which name have you thought up for our bee-a-u-tiful baby boy today?" James beamed. He was so excited, I could see it every time Lily was mentioned. Which meant the baby was certainly mentioned. Which made him nearly pee himself with excitement. James, a daddy? Anyone else fearing for this kid's life right now?

"Okay. Well, I came up with Aidan," said James proudly. Lily hitched her eyebrows and looked at him, confused.

"Aidan? You want to name our son _Aidan?_"

"It's a lovely name!" he replied.

"You want to name our son 'little fire'?"

"Yes!"

"You must be having a bloody joke." Lily said, laughing. James looked at her seriously and laughed.

"But imagine the nicknames he'll have at school. Oh look, here comes 'The Fire!' He's gunna be a quidditch whiz aswell, it will work perfectly! I wish I was called Aidan…" he added as an after thought. I laughed. Maisy was trying to hold back her giggles. Lily looked at him, in sheer shellshock.

"James, you have a very pretty name." she said.

He tossed his hair and smiled, "Why thank you."

"But I'm not naming our son after a match stick." He took her hand and laughed with all of us.

"Okay, maybe you're right there. It is rather weird."

"True, NEXT!" She turned to Maisy who scratched behind her ear awkwardly. Oh she was in for it! She hadn't thought of a name today.

"Have you picked one for today?" Lily questioned, staring her down.

"Of course!" Maisy spluttered. She touched her jaw. Ha! She definitely _did not_ pick a name for today!

"Let's hear it then!" I urged on. She shot me a look of distaste. Ha.

"I was thinking… Kai."

"Kai?"

"Yes."

"What the fuck is that? A gold fish name? Fuck that, NEXT!"

She looked at me, as did Maisy and James. I'm cornered. Oh god, oh god, oh god!

"Urrrr…" I managed. Maisy smiled at me sweetly.

"Sirius, it's your turn sweetie," she said, in a very girly way; tilting her head to the side and scrunching up her shoulders. Cow.

"I was thinking a name that was kind of normal, you know? Traditional, in a sense." I said. Lily relaxed and smiled. James looked interested.

"Sounds good, it's got to beat _Kai."_

"Hey! It's a very modern name!" Maisy pouted.

"So modern that we'd never heard of it…" James added. He gripped Lily's hand tighter. "C'mon then Sirius."

"I had this idea on Robert." They turned their noses up. I hastened. "Or Richard." They repelled in horror. "Or Harry even…" I spouted out finally, scared of the wrath I would be under. We'd been doing this for three months, and were no closer to naming the sodding kid.

"Harry." Said Lily thoughtfully, looking at James who was also smiling.

"I like it," he said. He beamed at me. "Nice, Sirius. It kind of suits."

"Yeah, you're right…" Lily said, contemplating the name. Mulling it over in her mind, I was sure.

"But Kai is such a…" Maisy began.

"SHUTUP." James laughed, throwing at profiterole at her.

"Harry James." Lily said, grinning herself silly.

"Harry James?" James asked.

"He's gunna need his daddy's name in their somewhere. Someone as great as you, we need to pass down the greatness." She joked. But James seemed truly touched.

"Harry James." He said, smiling. "You know what, I love it!"

"Hello, Harry James," Maisy said, bending down to Lily's round stomach. "We'll be seeing you soon, buddy."

"Dude, you're the best god son ever!" I yelled from across the table.

"He's not _deaf,_ Sirius."

"Oh, right, yeah I forget." I said, squirming. Duh, if we're not talking about studying or the Order or graduation then it's always about the baby Lily's growing in that love oven of hers... I smiled at myself. Love oven! Haha. Gets me every time.

"Stop thinking about love ovens." Maisy whispered, indicating the bonding session occurring to our right.

I saw James place his hand across Lily's stomach and say,

"Harry, you're gunna have the best family ever. That, I can promise."

He turned at smiled and me and Maisy, we were part of this family; then he kissed Lily and continued to beam for the entirety of the evening.

*

A couple of nights later, me and Maisy were revising in the Common Room. It was very late. The half moon was high in the sky and the sun had finally set behind the forest.

"So, what do you think?" I asked her. She shifted under the blanket and sighed.

"About Felix Felicis? I think it's a pain in the ass."

"You know that's not what I'm talking about." I said, closing her potions book.

"I know, I know." She said, turning around and snuggling back into my chest. "What do _you_ think?"

"I'm going to join."

"Straight away? No thoughts?"

"The Order of Phoenix needs people like us, Maisy. We need to help. And we can."

"I know we can."

"I think you'd be a great asset." I said, kissing the top of her head.

"You don't have to persuade me, I've already joined." She said. I could almost see the little smirk on her face.

"What?!" I shouted, jumping up from my seat.

"I was just making sure you were joining, other wise I would have backed out."

"You're amazing." I said, laughing and kissing her.

"And we'll be in it together."

"We will."

"I feel sorry for Dumbledore! How will he control all six of us?"

"All six of us?" I asked, truly surprised.

"Well yeah, when Harry's born in the summer, Lily's gunna join after, hopefully in October. James has joined, you've joined, I've joined, Remus joined ages ago and Peter hesitated, but he's joining too."

"It'll be like Hogwarts, but, like, REAL!"

"Yes, Sirius. Real life." We were silent for a while, enjoying the time together. "Are you scared?"

"About what, love?" I asked, taking her hand in mine.

"Life. Getting out there. Dying for the cause." Her voice was thick with emotion.

"You don't have to worry about dying, I've already jumped in front of a werewolf for you. Send those Unforgivable Curses my way! Nothing's getting my girlfriend." I said, tickling her ribs.

"Stop! I'm serious."

"No, I am!"

"Oh haha. But really, Sirius. We could die. This could be it. Seventeen years of life."

"But think of the people we'll save." I said. But she was right. Eighteen years was such a short time. And five months with Maisy was a miniature amount of time.

"That's why I'm doing this. My mother saved people too. She just, didn't get out alive." She choked, gripping my hand tighter. I smoothed her hair and made 'sssh'ing noises.

"You're so brave." I whispered.

"I'm so frightened." She whispered back.

"Don't be." I said.

"I'm sorry, I know how much this means to you." She was right. Getting my own back against my own Slytherin Death Eater family was priority. Making sure they got their comeuppance. Wipe that smug look off of the Malfoys' faces. See Narcissa fall, with her 'Dark Lord.' That's exactly what I wanted.

"They won't get away with what they're doing." I managed.

"We're gunna kill those bastards, Sirius. I promise. And then we can live 'til we're a hundred and seventy two!" she giggled.

"A hundred and seventy two?" I laughed.

"Of course! We're gunna live forever, Sirius."

"Nobody can live forever." I said, sighing.

"You will." She said, stroking my hand with her dainty fingers.

"I will?" I laughed.

"Yes." She said, though she was serious. "You'll always be alive in my heart."

"Then you'll be living forever too. Hell will freeze over before I let you go, Heart."


	20. Chapter 20

8

Chapter 20

_When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth  
I waited eight long months… He was the only one for me_

_She's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile_

- Misery Business by Paramore

_Ruby's POV_

She really doesn't deserve him.

I watched Maisy push Sirius' hair out of his eyes at the breakfast table, watched them laugh together, and then kiss, right in front of me.

That was so on purpose. And of course, two seconds later, Maisy whips her head up, looks at me and flips me off. Real mature, Maisy. Grow up.

"Ruby you haven't touched your breakfast." Bianca said, nudging me gently.

"Oh, yeah I don't feel too well." I lied, still fixing my eyes on the loved-up pair.

"Last day before exams, it's bloody nerve racking!" Emily said, putting down her toast and picking up a goblet of juice.

"Revision in the Common Room? Or dorm? Dorm would probably be quieter…" Bianca said to the group. Emily insisted on the dorm, but Shellby said she had to be elsewhere.

"Huh, what?"

"Like I said, I've got a study date."

"With?"

"Oh, urm... Just Jason." She said, turning bright red.

Good luck with that. He's about as frigid as an ice cream cone.

The girls began cooing incredulously, congratulating her for getting with Jason. Woop de frickin' do. Why do I hang out with these losers?

"Are you still watching Sirius?" Shellby piped up.

"No, I'm looking at Lily. It's disgusting, don't you think?" I lied, again. I was good at that.

"Yeah, totally gross." Bianca agreed. Of course she agreed, she always agreed with me.

"I think it's lovely." Emily said, quietly.

"What?" I laughed at her. Idiot. There's no such thing as true love or happy ever afters, didn't she know that?

"They're obviously in love, and not afraid to show it."

"Obviously!" I guffawed.

"Well, whatever. I sit with her in Arithmancy, she's lovely. And she's so excited!" she beamed.

"Have they got a name yet?" Shellby asked, suddenly interested.

"Yeah, Harry James! Gorgeous, don't you think?" She beamed. Shellby agreed. Even Bianca liked it.

"I think it's rather common to be honest."

Bianca sat up straighter. "Yeah, actually it is a bit common."

Shellby sighed and busied herself with her cereal. "What? You don't agree?" I said.

"No, I don't. I think you're being really bitchy about the Gryffindors lately. There's no need of it."

No _need_ of it? Was she joking?

"Go back to Jason, Shellby. Stay out of things you don't understand."

She looked up at me with venom and swept from the hall, Emily happily got up and followed her out, Bianca followed moments later. And I was on my own, again. But that's how I liked it.

I saw Maisy and Sirius get up to leave and followed, happily. He had his arm flung around her shoulders. They were chatting animatedly. That should be me. His arm should be around _me._

He loved me, really. I always saw him looking. He was always watching me and looking away quickly. It was obvious. How did Maisy not notice? It was like an affair going on, right in front of her!

They walked out of the hall and I followed them stealthily. The library! Of course, they'd be there studying. Maybe they need a hand. I smiled at myself. Sneaky! But it has to be done. Maisy has to know. Sirius must be so miserable, being with her all the time, when he truly wants to be with me.

I was walking and failed tor register knocking into another figure, a boy.

"Ruby!" Jason said, smiling at me.

"Jason, what do you want?" I huffed, wanting to leave, get to that library.

"Urm.. I don't know? I was just gunna ask how you were." He smiled.

"I'm fine, just off to find Sirius, actually."

Jason's face fell and his expression was stony.

"Why? He's a fucking asshole."

"Still bitter about him taking Maisy eh?"

"Too right! Me and Maisy have been friends for years, and he knows her for five minutes and they're _together. _It's not safe!" he said, seething. Okay, I really don't care about her safety or not.

"Maisy will be on the market soon." I said simply, turning to walk away. He grabbed my arm, I flinched.

"Sorry! But, wait. Why? Do you know something's happened?" he looked almost ecstatic.

"Well, Sirius actually loves me."

"He does?"

"Well, yeah, duh, isn't it obvious?" I said. It was true, boys never noticed anything.

"You're deranged."

"Excuse me?" Bastard.

"He's in love with Maisy. That much is obvious!" Yeah, right. That was just a fake relationship, you idiot!

"Whatever you say, why do you care anyway? You just want Maisy, right?" I see a plan coming along…

"Yeah, course," he said, shifting.

"Well fuck Shellby, come with me, and we'll get them back." Haha, Shellby would be heartbroken. Diddums.

"Are you sure about this?" he said, looking worried.

"Jason, relax! Let's call a truce. If you take Maisy on, I won't hex her for taking my man. Deal?" I put out my hand to shake his.

"Deal." He said, taking my hand and shaking it.

"What we waiting for? Let's _go!" _

*

"Ouch! That was my foot!" Jason whispered loudly from behind the bookshelves. We were watching Maisy and Sirius study. Yeah, he definitely wasn't happy with her!

"Sorry." I hissed.

"When we gunna go over there?" he asked, quieter this time. Maybe this could work, we were a good team already.

"Now." I said simply, strutting over to the small table where Maisy had Sirius wrapped around her little finger. She was pulling his tie down to the book, making his read it. He laughed. I'm sure it was nervous laughter. He's probably scared for his own safety.

"Sirius!" I said, smiling and sitting down opposite.

"Ruby? What are you doing here?" he looked uncomfortable. Why, baby, why? Ha.

"Muggle Studies revision. You gunna help me? Jason needs some help too, thought we could all revise together!"

"You've got to be kidding me," Maisy said, scraping back her chair and standing over me. "You know what would go really well with that black eye?"

"Oh, I don't know Maisy." I said, playing dumb.

"A fucking balance. Here, let me _help you."_ She said, rolling up her sleeves dramatically. Boring! Get over yourself, sweetie.

"I'm okay, thank you. Just want some tutoring and revision from Sirius here." I said, smiling at him. He grimaced.

"Jason can help you, I'm sure." He said through gritted teeth.

"Maisy has all the notes from last year, from when I broke my hand. We need to revise them." He said. Smooth!

"I gave you copies of that in September, you dick." Maisy replied tartly, sitting back down and sighing. "What the fuck do you guys want?"

"To study! Seriously Maisy, what else would we be in a library for?"

"You're the conniving bitch, why don't you answer that?" Pretentious, eh? Not gunna let Sirius go without a fight? That can be arranged.

"You know what I'm sic…" But Sirius had gotten there before me.

"Pete!"

"Hey, Sirius. Urm, Ruby?" Oh god. Not that snivelling boy again.

"Pete, how can I help you?" I said, putting my legs on display on the table and leaning back in my chair. Sirius wasn't looking, he was whispering to Maisy. She smiled. Ugh. Bitch!

"Your _friends_ are looking for you." He said.

"Thanks Pete." I said, waving him away. Sirius looked at me angrily.

"What the fuck's your problem? He's helping you out!" Oh god he did look angry.

"I'm sorry." I turned to Pete. "Where are they?" I said, batting my eyelashes. He gulped and continued,

"In the normal place."

"Okay. Thanks Pete." I said, smiling. My _friends _were looking for me. They wanted an update. They were so impatient!

I jumped up from the chair and ruffled Jason's hair, "If you wanna make this work, follow me." I whispered. But to Sirius, I smiled.

"See you later, Sirius. Good luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you!" I said, blowing him a kiss.

"You little bi-" Maisy shouted at me, but I'd already swept from the library and was heading down the grand staircase before she had even got up. Pathetic.

Jason ran after me. "Wait! Where are we going?"

"To see the people who can make this happen."

"What does that even me-" He called after me, but I have already skipped down to the bottom of the staircase and was heading towards the dungeons.

"This is the Slytherin Common Room!" he cried.

"Duh!"

"What do you mean, 'duh?'"

"They have the best ideas, trust me. You want Maisy back, don't you?"

"Of course!" he said, braver this time.

"Then don't wimp out." I said, walking up to the oldest looking dungeon door and whispering 'Pureblood' to its door handle. It swung open and opened into a large and dark common room. The furniture was dark velvet, and no fire was crackling. There were no windows except for a small portal in the ceiling, which was an ominous shade of green. The whole place screamed dark magic. It was like heaven.

"Ruby! We were wondering how long it would take you!" Cissy called from the couch. "Come sit, come sit!" she said, patting the seat next to her. Jenna and Kim smiled as I sat down, until they saw Jason.

"Friend of yours?" Jenna hissed.

"He's in on it." I said, as he walked over and smiled deviously at the girls.

"Then welcome. The Dark Lord is always grateful for new recruits." Cissy beamed.

"New recruits…?" Jason asked, but I silenced him quickly.

"Is Lucius coming? And Regulus?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah they just went upstairs for the parchment. Niall's been taken out! Did you hear?"

"No! Oh my god, when was this?"

"We woke up, and he'd gone! Apparently he's moving to Durmstrang. His father wants him to learn the greatest dark magic."

"I'm quite jealous," said Kim sadly.

"God, he's lucky." I said. Woah, imagine learning it all, first hand!

"Will he be around in the summer?"

"Hopefully, he only has a couple of months left – seems stupid but he really wanted some extra practice, apparently." Kim sighed.

Soon, Lucius and Regulus appeared with the parchment, unfolded them and got to work.

"Ruby, you need to roll up your sleeve." Lucius said, pulling out his wand. I obliged, pulling up my sleeve to show my new branding.

The Dark Mark. On my skin. Everytime I thought of it it made me smile. Until the bastards pressed their wands onto it.

"HOLY SHIT!" Jason shouted. "You have a fucking Dark Mark!"

"Jealous?" I taunted him.

"Kinda, yeah!" he said, sitting back down.

"All in due course," Regulus said to him. "How is my dear brother any how?" he said, turning to me and twisting his mouth into a grin.

"Still in love with me." I said, easily.

"Maisy's no good for him. You need to convert him. He's a blood traitor."

"But we will welcome him back, if you can turn him." Lucius said, retracting his wand and scribbling down on the parchment.

"You ready?" Cissy asked me, smiling.

"Most definitely!" I said, excited. An Unbreakable Vow. It was a big decision, but I was ready. The Dark Lord was rising, and he was the most powerful ally. Mud-bloods and blood traitors were the enemy. And Maisy was finally going to pay.

"Once you've done this, there's not going back. You have to break them up. You have to get Sirius to come to us, by any means possible. And then, we can get to that baby." Lucius said, staring at me intently.

"Oh trust me, Lucius, I'm more than ready." I said smiling. "Jason, you wanna do this?"

"Sounds good to me," he said, indifferently. "Disgusting that they're having a baby anyway. But, urm… Why do we want it?"

"He's going to thwart the Dark Lord when he is older, and we can't let that happen." Jenna said, simply.

"And Maisy? What will happen to her?" he asked.

"If we can convert her, we will. If not…" Lucius said, motioning a slashing motion across his neck.

"Now _that_ sounds like a plan." He said, smiling. "Vow me up!"

Jason took my hand and we sat next to each other, hands entwined. "How long have you believed in Him?" I asked.

"My family are pro-Pureblood. They agree with the Dark Lord. I might as well take it that step further." He said, smirking.

"And you, a Hufflepuff! Funny how it works out." I said, winking at him.

"Yeah. I can't wait to lay into Sirius. That bastard had this coming to him."

"And what about Maisy? What if she has to be, disposed of?"

"We're made to be, if she doesn't co-operate, then she's not worth it, is she?" He said.

I smiled at him. He had the perfect plan.

Lucius picked up his wand and placed it on our entwined hands. Our Bonder. He looked at Jason first.

"Do you promise to stay true to the Dark Lord?"

"I will."

"Do you promise to thwart the existence of Harry James Potter?"

"I will."

"Do you promise to convert Maisy Heart and Sirius Black, even if this results in their death?"

"I will."

I couldn't help it, I beamed at Jason in excitement. He looked so scary, but it was happening. This was going to work. Lucius turned on me and asked the same, identical questions. I answered all with a ringing 'I will.'

A thick tongue of fire spouted from Lucius' wand and wrapped itself around our hands, burning our fingers and knotting our wrists. This vow was unbreakable. If we break it, we die. Simple.

But, carrying out the tasks? Piece of cake.


	21. Chapter 21

6

Chapter 21

_This could be a slow song_

_A laundry list of all my wrongs_

_But at the end of the day_

_This is my beautiful disaster piece I've made_

_- _This Will All Make Perfect Sense Someday by John Mayer

_Lily's POV_

'_At 3__2 weeks pregnant stage, you are in the middle of your third trimester or in the 8th month of your pregnancy. So you have only 9 or 10 more weeks to go before the delivery or __child birth__. As you are in the final stages of pregnancy, you will become very restless and start feeling that the wait seems endless.'_

You can say that again!

'_At 32 weeks pregnant stage, the baby's approximate weight is about 1.5 kg or 3 pounds and approximate length from head to toe is about 14 to 17 inches or 36 to 38cm. The baby becomes quite sensitive to the surroundings and is aware of the happenings around. The baby starts having definite sleep and waking patterns and the expectant mother is able to identify these.'_

My baby boy has a _sleeping _pattern! Doesn't seem like it, but oh well…

'_Now is the time, when the baby starts positioning itself for exit by easing and resting the head on mother's pelvic bones.'_

For exit! He's gunna be here so soon!

'_The baby has fully grown eyelashes and eyebrows at this stage.'_

I stopped reading. That was so cute. So beyond cute.

I had to tell James!

I picked up the heavy book and got out of bed, using my wand for light across the dormitory. Everyone was asleep, it was three thirty in the morning, and Harry certainly does not have a helpful sleeping pattern! Not with exams in five and a half hours!

I crept out and closed the door quietly behind me, pausing as he kicked me playfully in the ribs. It fucking hurt. But it would all be worth it, I had to keep reminding myself.

Opening the door to the boys' dormitory, I looked around at the dimly lit room. The floor was covered in a blanket of clothes, school robes and fermenting socks. Books and parchment were littering under the beds and the noise in here was horrendous. It was like a symphony, all four of the boys snoring individually. Oh, wait. That was a lie.

I looked over at Peter who was the only boy actually snoring, though the decibel level could have been an orchestra of four hundred sleeping boys!

Suddenly excited again, I waddled (yes, I waddle now) to the far corner of the room, where James was sleeping peacefully, one of his hands tucked under his pillow. He looked so sweet. Should I wake him? He looks so serene… Ah well!

"James," I whispered, nudging him gently on the shoulder. He didn't move. I kissed his cheek tenderly and repeated, "James, wake up."

Still nothing! This could be an emergency. I could be in _labour._

"James! The baby's coming!" I whispered loudly, heaving myself onto his bed and rubbing his leg from over the covers.

"WHAT?!" Remus said, sitting upright in his bed. "Baby? Coming? _NOW?!_" Oh,woops.

"Remus, chill. You're dreaming. Go back to sleep," I said, smiling at him. He smiled gaily and settled back down into his bed, muttering happily to himself 'not long now, not long now.'

How the fuck was I going to wake him up?

"James, Dumbledore and McGonagall are making out."

"Huh? WHAT? WHERE?!" He said, jumping up from under the covers and standing on the mattress. "Lily? Why are you here?" he asked, confused. He yawned and picked up the blankets, ushering me under them.

"You wake up, to _that?!" _Shocking. Truly shocking.

"It's a big deal!" he scoffed, putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Our baby boy could have been being _born!"_ I said to him, placing my cold toes on his thighs, making him squeal in protest.

"That's fucking cold!"

Haha, revenge.

"Anyway, James, really, I have to tell you something!" I squeaked to him through a massive smile. He looked equally as happy.

"What is it?" he said.

"It's amazing, I can't believe it!" I said, still excited about the prospect.

"What?!" he asked, squeezing my shoulder in anticipation.

"James…" I said, biting my lip. "Our-baby-boy-has-eyelashes!"

"Huh?" he asked.

"EYELASHES!" I burst out. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows before looking pained.

"You woke me up, to tell me THAT?"

"It's not just that!" I said. I felt totally offended. Why wasn't he bouncing off of the walls.

"What else is there? Harry has toe nails? What?" he moaned, rubbing his eyes.

"He has _eyebrows!_" I said, beaming.

"If you weren't perfect, and I mean, seriously perfect, I'd beat you right now, for waking me up."

"But our _baby_ has _eyebrows_ and _eyelashes!_" I said.

"I know. That's fucking amazing!" he said, coming out of his reverie and smiling brightly.

"I knew you'd be excited too!" I said, snuggling up to him.

"Not long now, Lils." He crooned, smoothing my hair.

"Not long at all."

*

"You woke him up to tell him Harry has EYEBROWS?" Maisy shook her head and turned the page of her notes over.

"It's a big deal!" I cried. Why did no one understand?

"I think it's cute, you should have woken me up!" Sirius said, spooning porridge into his mouth. "As I'm godfather and all!"

"Maisy, no offence, but did you conceive this child?" I asked her.

"No…"

"I bloody well hope not!" James shouted. Sirius laughed and kissed Maisy's hand.

"Then you wouldn't understand." I huffed.

"HUH! Being godmother counts for nothing then?" she giggled, taking the granola bar from my hand. "Take back what you said!" she said, waggling the granola bar in the air, at least a metre away from me. Bitch knew I couldn't stretch that far.

"Give it back." I said. This was going to be dangerous.

"Maisy…" James warned. "Give her the granola bar, and everything will be alright."

"No!"

"Give it to her, or we will all feel her wrath. And you know it."

Yeah, you'll know it. Suddenly, my stomach seemed to contract with a wave of pain. Ouch.

"Lily, you okay?" Maisy said, placing the granola bar back on the table in front of me. "I'm sorry, I was just messing…"

"No, no it's fine. Indigestion." Must be. I was only thirty-two weeks. Unless my baby was doing more cool stuff? It would be a super tot, I can tell.

"Sure? Want me to take you to Madam Bitch-frey?" she asked, looking at James for help.

"Madam Bitch-frey?" I asked, confused. The pain shot again, my head felt like it was spinning.

"She's still a bit sour about my stint in the Hospital wing in March." Sirius said, winking at Maisy.

"She's a bitch! But whatever, I'll take you up there and brace myself if you need to." She said, smiling.

"What time is it?" I asked James. He looked worried, I smiled at him, telling him not to worry in my own little way.

"Eight-fifty," he said, grabbing his bag. "We should probably get going. If you're oaky, that is?"

"I'm fine, like I said it's indigestion. Always happens." I said smiling. "Now let's get to this exam."

"I'm bricking it." Maisy complained, picking up her Potions book and reading from it as we left the hall.

"It'll be fine!" For me, anyway. Potions swat, teacher's pet – yeah, I was getting an O.

"Old Sluggy loves you, that's why." She said, leaning against the wall outside the classroom, ingesting all the information she could from her ratted book.

"That's cos I _work_ in his lesson." I insinuated, clutching my stomach suddenly from another wave of pain. Indigestion wasn't in your uterus, was it?

"Lily, are you sure you're okay? You don't look so good." Said James, wrapping his arm around my waist, placing a warm hand on the bottom of my swelling stomach. I loved it when he did that. So did Maisy. I saw her make an 'aww' face at me from behind her book.

"I'm fine! It's just exam pressure," I said, laughing it off. God, I hope that's what it is.

"I really don't beli-" but James was cut off before he could finish, as Professor Slughorn had swung open the door and started ushering students into the classroom for the practical Potions exam. Sirius swept in skipping merrily, tipping an invisible hat to Slughorn with a "top o' the mornin'" to him. Maisy smacked his back, pushing him into the room, laughing.

"Good luck, James," I said, kissing him swiftly on the cheek and moving to my desk, near the front of the class.

On every ones desk was a large pewter cauldron; phials of ingredients, stacked alphabetically; a list of instructions, complete with tips from Slughorn; a chopping board, equipped with a small knife and a large glass beaker to collect the final sample in. It was all neatly arranged on the scorched wooden tables, ready to be used.

Slughorn walked past my desk and gave me a quick smile and mouthed 'good luck' to me. I smiled back. Sometimes it was nice to be old Sluggy's favourite.

"Good morning class. You understand the rules. Two hours, one potion – samples handed in to me at the end of the exam. Good luck, you may begin." He said, picking up a box of crystallized pineapple and seating himself in a luxurious chair behind his desk.

I looked at the potion instructions. Wolfsbane Potion. Simple enough. How many times had I read up this potion, tried to brew it in preparation for this kind of exam. I picked up the monkswood, and chopped it finely; stopping to grip the table in pain. The feeling subsided after moments, leaving me to start brewing my potion.

All around me the classroom was busy and growing warmer. I should have been able to hear the knives snapping against the cutting boards and potions bubbling quietly – but all I could hear, see and feel was direct pain. It was searing through my body from my uterus, right up to my throat. I could feel the bile; I could taste it on my tongue.

Ignore it, Lily. Just ignore it, it will go away. I picked up the monkswood and scraped it into the cauldron – the brew began to smoke faintly. Success! I waited for Harry to kick in response to my rush of happiness, the endorphins scaling my body, they would have hit him by now. He always wriggled when I was happy…

The fumes hit me immediately. The scent was strong and vile, and they blurred my vision, causing me to cough violently. The pain was still burning strong. I could feel the table slipping from underneath me, and the stool gradually moving from beneath me.

There were arms holding me up, grabbing me from under my shoulders. I couldn't feel them. I couldn't see them. My eyes were adjusting to darkness behind the cloud of agony and I felt myself falling. Not once did I take my hands off of my rounded stomach, cradling my baby boy, as we slipped into unconsciousness; succumbing to the dread that pulsed through my heart and the emptiness I hadn't felt for more than half a year.


End file.
